Basically my mum is getting married, I'm 17, male and have never been great at writing poems, yet I have been asked to write one to read at the wedding, I would appreciate reviews, suggestions and any other form of help. This is what I have so far,
Mum,

I've been your son for seventeen years,
Through good times and bad shared happiness and tears,
You've picked me up when I've been down,
Made me smile and wiped away a frown,
Now on this fine day it's not about me,
But husband and wife joined in matrimony,
Into our family comes a man of good stead,
To make you happy from this day that you wed,
A man that I trust will make you glow,
And keep you safe through wind rain and snow,
So on this day I ask raise you're glass,
To toast husband and wife in the many joyful years that will pass.

Cheers

how sweet and the poem rhymes too

I don't claim to be an expert. I enjoy writing poetry and I think that I am quite good at it, but to critique someone else's work ... that's another skill altogether.

The poem has a really good foundation from which you can build something quite special.

My suggestions, and these are only based on personal taste, are as follows:

The poem needs to scan better. Some lines have too many syllables, so it doesn't trip off the tongue as well as it could. Try to say more with less words.

How about breaking up the rhyme structure?

It is currently

A
A

B
B

C
C

My suggestion is to maybe have a different structure, such as:

A
B
A
B

C
D
C
D

I think that a less obvious rhyme structure would be less predictable and would hold attention better.

The poem as it stands is too generic. It isn't personal enough for such a special day. It could have been written for anyone's wedding. You need to include some specifics so that it could only be for your mum and her partner. A few really personal things, memories, stories etcetera would make all the difference.

Finally, don't be shy of adding a bit of tasteful humour to it. As long as it is in keeping with the occasion it will enhance it.

I hope that this was helpful. Feel free to drop me a line if you need any examples of what I mean. I can be contacted directly on darren-whitehead AT hotmail DOT com.

Good luck.