In Nature You Surround

As dappled sunlight sprinkles over a hillside
Watery colours painted upon natures tapestry
Memories are drawn back; with you at my side
Bringing me to life; revealing loves mystery

I Turn another corner; a blue shimmering lake
Framed by dancing reeds; our wooded glade
It was deep in the woods; lovers nest we did make
Nature held her breath; hear our union was made

I sat upon a log face warmed by rising translucent sun
A gentle breeze settles on the water; plucks at the reeds
The warmth of your naked body; our hearts beat as one
Your breath on the back of my neck; out fulfilled needs

A tear rolls down my cheek quickly followed by another
Clouds crowd in greying over the once peacock blue sky
It was on this very lake that I lost my only true lover
Raindrops shattering the water to fragments; Angels Cry

The black of night shrouds over me; it taints my eyes
Gliding past; true lovers gaze; aboard a rowing boat
A swan attacked our boat; forcing our boat to capsize
She, disappeared beneath the water; me in blood soaked
Lead weight in my heart; a nearby dog barks; it makes me start
Walls closed in, nature’s watery colours are now in full reverse
Beneath my feet I crush nature; inside I try to mean broken heart
I cry deeply as I write and each word in each and every verse

Back at my car; I sit; turn on the radio; our song plays; made my hair curl
I reach for the tissues; staring once more beyond the lakes shore
I turn towards the back seat of my car; and gaze upon our baby little girl
Jennifer; I’ve done as you requested; you are in my heart for ever more

© Phil Golding

WOW, what a very beautiful poem - not many things make me cry, well that's a lie I'm a soft sod, but this poem resonates loss.
I love the peacock blue sky and Angels cry.
Well done Phil.

Thanks for your feed back it gives me much encouragement.

i can't have she a tear so sad. so i post two more

Thanks again

Phil

I'm not 'Anon' - I'm 'Darren Thomas'.

Darren,
I think what you say is very important, you are giving sound constructive criticism - much different than hurtful things.
As you can see with my poem Your A to Z of Lovers, Peter and Cayn and Moxy have all given me constructive criticism, whilst also emphasizing the good points of the poem. I think as Paul says this is an important skill!
I consider these people to be my friends and I think friends will always tell you the truth about a poem you've written rather than fluff it out - at the same time I'm contradicting myself in a way as my gran always said 'If you can't say nowt nice don't say nowt at all.' and I do try to live by that - but I also try to live by always treat others as you wish to be treated and I would wish for someone to advise me on how to improve my poetry, which I think is what you have done here.
So therefore you shouldn't face a retribution.
Hello by the way and I love your site - very interesting writing and some luvly pics.
Magi
xxx

Hello Darren

Retribution, non in the slightest, i welcome your well constructed feedback.

Following your comments, for example regarding 'Peacock Blue Sky, and having re-read it are comments well received.

I joined this site for this type of feedback to help me develop as a poet. This site has not let me down yet.

Thank you for your

Hello Darren, Part 2

pressed the wrong key.

I was going to say:

Thank you for your positive views on my work. It is mych appreciated.

I welcome any constructive reviews as they san only aid the
writer. Feel free Darren aka Anon

regards