All constructive criticism much appreciated. I wrote a lot when I was a kid and did the circuit with school comptetitions. Finally at a point where I've got the time and the enthusiasm to see if the grey cells actually still work!


Girls Night Out

“who needs men anyway” we chorus as we crowd around the mirror
jostling for position like ageing racehorses
struggling and contorting as we try to pull our gussets past our knees
while superior little Miss Skinny rolls her tights down from under her tits
she might be skinny – but guess what, even skinny cow’s life is in bits

we all pretend to like her, because we’re shallow like that
deep down resenting her perfect bloke, perfect life and pert bum
while we’re all watching our arses go south
then she starts crying, full works, snot bubbles, mascara streaks
he’s left her, she thought he’d come back, he hasn’t, it’s been weeks

she blubbered – “we had the perfect life, joint membership of the gym
macrobiotic diet, colonic irrigation, designer clothes and an Audi A6
I mean look at me – how could he want to leave me?”
then Carol leant over and whispered, “I knew he’d gone, I saw him when I went down the shops
snogging the face off and sharing a bag of chips with - a big bird wearing leggings and flip flops”

I love it!


Macrobiotic diet! great words
it has vitriolic overtones, a desperation and an envy of youth a clawing and grasping at the 'now' as it slips away down south.


I am biased towards this as its my sorts of style, I can get my head into this type of writing, this unfolds as a story and I think you can take this all the way

Look forward to more.

Thanks for the encouragement Pete - really appreciate it, forgot how good it feels to write something and know that someone else has enjoyed it!
Came along to Tudor House last Thursday for the first time and will be coming back next month - hopefully I'll get the bottle up (or a few bottles down, whichever comes first!) to get up and read something!

I like this one too. It has an element of self-depreciation (something I'm not very good at) and the last clause completes the work. It implies a lot, by saying very little.

Yeah it's good. Sharp stuff. I would like to hear it performed.

Snot bubbles great... Aged racehorses better stll. Loved this, write more write more. Winston