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Faustine McQueen

Sun 18th Oct 2015 14:54

What lissom poems! So visual and with tightly apposite metaphors and similes. Sumptuous! I hate picking bits out of poems when the poems are a fine and muscular unit, but I keep seeing the bullets returning to guns like faithful dogs -- and Richard Dawkins weeping into his teacup; yes, he'd have a teacup and not a grotty mug that had gained a slew of tree-ring tannin stains. Hooray!

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raypool

Sat 17th Oct 2015 22:15

Hi Stu. I just checked out Steve Roggenbuck. It is certainly relevant to my disillusionment , but I don't think I can win any argument where this website is concerned. as I feel myself to be in the slipstream of a revolution that pisses on accepted form, only to be preached in the odd comformist classroom. But thanks anyway. I am oddly confused even more with this guy - is it good or is it crap? I don't think it matters - what counts is the presence - If there is pornography in the spoken word this must surely be it.
I risk your opinion being contrary to mine. Your response might just be my last line of defence. Cheers. Ray

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raypool

Fri 16th Oct 2015 11:11

Thanks Stu. You have correctly analysed the poem - it was written as a piss take - I just wondered why some of the stuff presented is just tarted up conversation.
I'm not sure if the word "blog" resonates with the spirit of inner exploration - I think not.

It does sound pretentious and "snobby" to elevate art , but it is worth some effort.

By the way my sofa is a disgusting resting place !
regards Ray

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 11th Oct 2015 20:12

Oh wow! I'm really pleased you played with my words. I have just carried out the same exercise and re-saved in that format. Thank you so much for your comments.

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raypool

Thu 8th Oct 2015 22:22

Well spotted, Stu. Such a classic and salutary poem to compare mine with - I am flattered.
I had trouble after the first line but gave way to the idea of seed and I developed the parallels.

Thanks a lot.

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 4th Oct 2015 16:26

Afternoon Stu and thank you so much for your comments on Fragile. I am most chuffed that you feel this piece would sit quite well in a published book and coming from someone who's work I admire is an added bonus. I can't wait to check Kim's work out. I'm now going to walk around the house, point at myself in each mirror I past, wink, click my tongue and mouth 'get you'! ;).

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raypool

Sat 3rd Oct 2015 16:59

It's good of you to give thoughts on The solitary drinker. I've slipped a bit lately - things on my mind, but I meant to imply with the line about spirit that whatever our passing of time we essentially take our own course and that may exclude others on a different course. A bit subtle as spirit can mean anything! The trouble with poetry can be stating something emphatically can cause a hiatus in the thinking and I reckon this poem is an example of it. Thanks again - yours was dead clear and therefore more accessible. I could go into weird world if I wanted but nobody would like it probably!!

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raypool

Wed 30th Sep 2015 20:19

Thanks, Stu . Your observations are always perceptive and intelligent and you peel back the layers . This was a very direct reference to a dear friend and written in a genuine state of guilt. What more can you do ?

all the best with the submission by the way.

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raypool

Wed 30th Sep 2015 20:18

Thanks, Stu . Your observations are always perceptive and intelligent and you peel back the layers . This was a very direct reference to a dear friend and written in a genuine state of guilt. What more can you do ?

all the best with the submission by the way.

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John Bastard

Tue 29th Sep 2015 18:27

I write a lot of things recently to be read or performed by people a great deal better than me. I'll give it a go and put it up.. Problay tinnite. Only if you do something similar. Deal?

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John Bastard

Mon 28th Sep 2015 13:56

gmorning stu,

if im honest, I don't perform anything live without having it right in front of me. I have had and always will have a really fleeting, darting sense of concentration and can't even memorize the simplest things. (especially things I've written myself) It's been a really frustrating hurdle for me.

should I recite that Scott Peterson entry? It's pretty easy to do from home, but every time I record I start to hate the sound of my own voice.

EDIT: hiphophian. I like it. What's it mean to you?

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Lan

Sat 19th Sep 2015 12:13

Hi Stu, thanks for reading & commenting on Sophistication, I really appreciate it, and enjoy your work very much x

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raypool

Fri 18th Sep 2015 20:45

Thanks Stu for comments on Mermaid. One of my shortest - just a moment really. Glad you liked it.

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Mon 14th Sep 2015 12:41

Thank you Stu for your comment on 'Summer Rain'. Much appreciated.

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Nigel Astell

Mon 14th Sep 2015 11:55

Thanks Stu

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John Bastard

Thu 10th Sep 2015 01:12

evening stu,
thank you for reading me again.
definitely was not expecting any amount of praise for that bear trap. it kind of accidentally was a blur of feelings i put what seemed like way too much time into at the -- er -- time. started out as a love letter but turned into something a little more genuine.

the symbols mean a lot to me, but im more interested in what they might mean to other people. what do you think?

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 9th Sep 2015 10:37

Stu, have a look at my profile page under Samples:'Lines on Picasso's 'The Aperitif' '. I think you'll like it - the 'absinthe' society!

Has the 'new baby' arrived yet?

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raypool

Mon 7th Sep 2015 19:50

HI Stu. Thanks. I got the idea from Trump rhyming with rump. I might have got frump in, but that would have been tricky, even though I love the word. I'm old enough (71) to have amassed a lot of weird vintage words, and like to bring them out like false teeth in a bring and buy sale!

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raypool

Sun 6th Sep 2015 23:42

fulsome praise indeed Stu, thank you.

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Martin Elder

Sat 5th Sep 2015 23:33

Hi Stu
thanks for your comments on 'your turn'. Domestic violence has always irritated me to put it mildly. I have come across it time and again and it can be very difficult for the victim to break away from the abuser because of the associated attachments. Anyway it was a chance for me to vent my spleen. thanks again.
Martin

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Sat 5th Sep 2015 21:28

Heya Stu! Thanks for the comment on 'Burning Bridges'.

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raypool

Sat 5th Sep 2015 16:19

Lovely of you Stu to point out that line in Two doors down
it did seem quite a quite blatant kick in the arse for respect.

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Sun 30th Aug 2015 01:48

Thanks Stu for your comment on 'Waiting On Wind' It's another older one I stumbled on and figured why not post it.

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Lan

Sat 29th Aug 2015 11:05

Hi Stu, thanks for reading and commenting on What if, really appreciate you taking the time,
Cheers, Leander:)

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Fri 28th Aug 2015 18:43

Thank you one more time. Boost of confidence for sure from it. When there are so few words I wonder if the poem is really finished. It really is a struggle. Probably why my attempts are so few lol.

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Thu 27th Aug 2015 19:40

Thanks so much Stu for the comment on 'Fake'. I sat on that one for awhile because I felt it was too inadequate...too lacking. I am thrilled you found it none of those things.

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raypool

Wed 26th Aug 2015 18:37

Well thanks so much Stu. I just followed my imagination and peppered it with a bit of spice. I do seedy quite well!
Something about Wales seems to be give it credibility not to mention Yul Brynner of course. Great to be compared with Bukowski !

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Laura Taylor

Mon 24th Aug 2015 12:21

Hiya Stu - sorry for the delay, busy weekend! Thank you so much :)

I think it's amazing that you've pulled all that out of the pieces. Isn't interpretation a wonderful thing?

It doesn't seem wrong to say 'well done' at all - you know why? Because although you may see me as an 'established poet', each new poem is in no way guaranteed to work, or be any good at all. I approach each one with nervous anticipation. I never really know if they'll be any good until I reach a certain point with them, the internal tickle that says 'oh yehhh, now that feels good'. Until that point it's still a thousand lines of shit :D

Nice one on the gig!! Get you eh - singing!

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raypool

Sun 23rd Aug 2015 20:03

Yes Stu, check it out I think you'll enjoy the rich imagination involved. Peake also did sketches that are in the original book. There was a radio version in the 1990s which had Sting playing Steerpike (the baddie).

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raypool

Sat 22nd Aug 2015 16:06

I'm glad you enjoyed the Tower. It's nice when an image finds its mark in the imagination. The indented words was a fluke but i'll go there again if it works.
You might enjoy Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake who revels in that shady past thing and the weight of the unfathomable past.

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John Bastard

Fri 21st Aug 2015 14:05

You really are way too kind.
I like treading the line of too verbose and too vague, even if it's completely by accident. sometimes i forget that other people don't live inside my head and a lot of my writing (especially looking into last year and backward) has a lot more internal meaning that comes off jilted when someone else reads it. too much context is bad. not enough is worse.

the parable begins when a neighbor comes to visit the farmer. as he walks up the long pavestone path to the front porch, he hears this horrible yelping and howling coming from round back.
"What the hell is that raquet?!"
"My dog. He's sitting on a nail on the back porch."
"Why doesn't he just get up and move? Why doesn't he make it stop?"
The farmer thoughtfully puffed on his corncob pipe, exhaled, uncocking his head with the answer:
"It must not hurt enough yet."

a fallen mastery is knowing when to get off the nail.
I've yet to fully recognize this.

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John Bastard

Fri 21st Aug 2015 13:54

good morning stu
thank you for reading me.
doomed loved is my speciality. I don't think I've ever had anyone break down my writing so succinctly. sometimes it's better to start with a feeling, abstract and big (impossibly vast), fuzzy and fluid, then work down into the details of a mortal word with a slight taper bridging the two.

I've been accidentally using it a lot lately. Probably a byproduct of those powerfully estranged feelings I get during karaoke hours.

Have you ever heard the metaphor of the farmers' dog?

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Wed 19th Aug 2015 17:23

Stu, thanks for the comment on 'Just You'. (and for understanding being lost.)

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raypool

Mon 17th Aug 2015 11:33

Cheers for the input on Blackpool. You have it in the bag there. I find it a sad place from my perspective, and had to work there for long periods. Out of season is beyond depression, especially on the long outskirts.
I'm glad you like my quirky simple stuff!

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Laura Taylor

Sat 15th Aug 2015 12:57

No problemo - kick some arse! I can't believe you didn't practise ha :D You'll find it makes you much more confident. Best of luck - let me know how it went :)

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<Deleted User> (13947)

Thu 13th Aug 2015 17:44

Howdy Stu! Just wanted to say I am loving all the different styles you are kicking out. They are all like a daily surprise and I look forward to each new one :)

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Laura Taylor

Wed 12th Aug 2015 13:18

Howdy Stu

Ha - thank you :) Well, I've been doing this for five years now! It might help if I told you that for the first two years, I spent the entire day before doing an open mic wanting to erupt from every orifice! I had shocking nerves! It does get easier the more you do it, trust me. And open mics are a wonderfully supportive space to learn your craft cos everyone knows how terrifying it is :) I still get nervous, but now it's mainly a brief feeling of 'shit I'm gonna pass out' right before I get on stage hehe :D

Hard-won advice:

Practice is EVERYTHING. Speak it out loud repeatedly. Do it until it sounds like it felt in your head when you wrote it - that's one of the hardest things to actually get right. Make your mouth used to the words. Find the pauses. Don't be afraid of them - they are powerful things.

Practice much slower than your actual performance will be. EVERYONE speeds up behind a mic. This will ensure that when the time comes, there will be balance.

Remember that no one wants you to fail. They all want you to do well.

If you're getting up on a stage and taking up other people's time however, make it fun/enjoyable/heartbreaking for them :) Don't you want them to feel exactly how you felt when writing the poem? Can't you feel how Jeff Mangum feels?

When you stand behind the mic, take a nice deep breath down to your gut. It takes a couple of seconds, no one will notice, and it will steady you and provide much-needed oxygen! Stops the initial vocal wobble too :)

Good luck and keep writing :)


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John Bastard

Thu 23rd Jul 2015 12:36

morning stu
thank you for reading me. I'll definitely submit a couple things to Prolific. It's not often I write haiku, but that day I was just feeling lucky.

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raypool

Wed 22nd Jul 2015 15:29

Thanks Stu for your assessment of K K .Perhaps you could give me an example of Half man half biscuit if possible , there's such a lot to learn in this poetry game. I'll take it as a compliment. Cheers, Ray

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Lynn Hamilton

Sat 18th Jul 2015 20:27

Thank you Stu for reading Emotion and your comments. My take on this was that just occasionally you have to pull the shutter of emotion down so that you can deal with a situation that needs to be dealt with or alternatively adopt a Paddington Bear hard stare!

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Lynn Hamilton

Sat 18th Jul 2015 20:26

Thank you Stu for reading Emotion and your comments. My take on this was that just occasionally you have to pull the shutter of emotion down so that you can deal with a situation that needs to be dealt with or alternatively adopt a Paddington Bear hard stare!

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raypool

Wed 15th Jul 2015 10:25

Thanks again Stu for your comments on The rhyme of no reason. A bit different from my usual stuff. Glad you like it. It represented a stressful time for me but now I can write about it!

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Lynn Hamilton

Tue 7th Jul 2015 21:33

Hi Stu. Thanks for reading and your comment on Attic Darth Vader. 'Strangely Sweet' is an excellent description.

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Michelle

Tue 7th Jul 2015 13:15

Hi Stu, thanks for taking the time to read my poems and comment. I am surprised 'voices' only took you a morning, but that is proof that good poetry sometimes happens because poetry is in you. Not all poetry has to burn out of you as Bukowski might say.
Michelle :)

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Travis Brow

Fri 3rd Jul 2015 12:24

Hello Stu, thanks for your comment on The Turn. I'm outdoors a lot and the weather/climate exits for me in a very real sense - which might sound daft, but i'm sure you know what i mean.

I'll keep checking in and having a shufty at your stuff. Keep it coming.

Trav.

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Martin Elder

Tue 30th Jun 2015 18:25

Hi Stu
Thanks for you comments on 'Not from here' this is related to an event that happened to me a few years ago as a student I was walking back to the car from the university library loaded with books. He was quite insistent that I was from London !

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David Cooke

Sun 28th Jun 2015 22:15

Hi Stu Thanks for kind comment on Teatime Bulletin!

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Neil West

Fri 19th Jun 2015 20:08

Hi Stu, thank for reading the monster poems! In fairness, you look quite young from your avatar, it was Swamp Thing, Godzilla then Dracula but you can have a sticker for trying.

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