Bit of a mouthful Rachel... whilst a true enthusiast of sexual foreplay and the ability to read all and everthing even the mundane into poetry and form in persuance of pleasure I love the poem !!!

Augusta XX

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

...well the rhythm is better but the line's meaning is madder than a bag of frogs.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

...and the additional 'to'...to go with the flow...

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

If you will give the dog a bone...

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

"if anyone can help me slip in the word fellatio"

If you say sho!

(well, it's hard to talk with your mouth full)

: )

Jx

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

notice the extra brackets Rachel!

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Mr Turner, you are right, of course, about grammar and punctuation being optional in poetry. And Rachel's meaning is very clear. I stand chided.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Polish it? Tommy I think it's succinct and achingly resonant just the way you did it. You ought to post it 'as is'. Rachel
x

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Rachel Hi, linking your themes: the class system, wood, sex, theft, reclamation and 'house porn' also the use of brackets - the following:

Fuck you!(you middle-class twat)
Up your arse (with a bamboo bat),
Stolen from my table
Like a sex craved rat
Fuck you on your reclaimed mat
Up your sphincter
With a painful splat.

this may need some polishing, ask Stefan for his help.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

It certainly is Graham. Blow jobbed would rhyme with door knobbed and you do blow on things when you are giving them a polish -unless you use a Mr. Sheen spray...
An interesting one Rachel. Like the ideas in it and the end. Yes we all would!

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

What would Kevin McCloud think of all this, Rachel? Or did his undoubted loveliness inspire some of the references? ;-)

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Isn't Blow Job easier to rhyme with??

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Commas are optional. Grammar & punctuation in poetry... is totally optional.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Cheers Cynthia,ace! I posted my last comment before I spotted yours by the way. I'm going to have a mess with it this aftie and see what happens. Thanks for the input everyone. Much 'preciated.
rach
x

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Sight rhyme, Yeah! You are clever indeed. See now I've learnt something too. The patio thing came from a friend who used to mispronounce it on purpose to affect a pretend Mrs. Bouquet accent. I'll be honest, I've used it for so long in speech myself I sort of forgot that everybody isn't in on the joke but it ties in with the (stolen from the tasteless poor)which is a very Mrs. Bouquet statement too, and is the attitude that pees me off with house porn in general...I do love watching it, but in a slightly sitting on my chair rocking backwards and forwards in abject jealousy way...there, that's healthy isn't it.
Rach
x

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

OK, I'm in. This is marvellous, Rachel. What a superb analogy.

#1: perhaps:

Stroke the wood
Lip sweet fellatio
Blonde as honey
Oh, you would though, wouldn't you?

This connects the idea of 'wood and honey' rather neatly.

#2: I would take out the bracketted comment completely. I don't think it adds a thing but distraction to the 'sexual push' you're panting to accomplish. PS Put in your commas.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Anyway, technially, 'fellatio' and 'patio' qualifies as a half-rhyme. The difference between the soft vowel sound and the hard vowel sound actually works, like hard on soft during coitus.. key to the erotic nature of the poem.

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

You could always use a sight rhyme? Visually it works and the reader can sort of make his/her own mind up whether to manipulate the sound in their head or at least understand what you've done. Shakespeare used sight rhymes a lot so it's been done by the big men... (which I suppose is perhaps relevant to the context)

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Hi Ann, I know it would fit alongside the ratio/patio line but wondered if it'd be better echoed at the end '...stroke the wood....give the banister fellatio' or is that WAY too clumsy... I'll have a play. I'm probably going to try to get a spot on the open mic at the next wordsoup in preston (feb). I love performing but somehow whenever I see/hear footage of it, I have terrible problems with my s sounds, they come out as shh which can be comical but problematic too! That's why I really appreciate hearing a lovely speaking voice,(such as yours) cos mine isn't, truly. Cheers for the comment honey,Brixton? Wow, I think you sound very posh. I also thought you'd be very west country too, I lived in Devon for four years but no traces of the accent now. Racheroox

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery

Rachel - felatio is staring you in the face! ;-) It rhymes with patio as much as ratio does, so write another line for either one."I'll give you a felatioif I can have a patio" or "with your Palladian ratioyou deserve a felatio". Or don't know if you need the "a" before felatio? I've led a very sheltered life! I have half written a poem along similar lines - called "The Wow Factor". You may see it soon on a website near you! By the way, are you performing again soon? Good luck if so! Maybe you could try an audio with one of your poems? I am not from the north, but born in Brixton by the way! (In answer to a previous comment)

Comment is about House Porn (blog)

Original item by Rachel McGladdery