I truly loved this poem. It was very deep and the writing conjured up wonderful images. I loved your starting line. It set the mood of the poem even though the poem had barely begun. Also your break choices amplified the poem's mood, and imagery, and made it feel as if someone was speaking, not writing. I thought it was a very well written poem.

Comment is about Chapter One (blog)

Original item by David Blake

You are GOOD! This theme is excellent and your images and diction are captivating.

I give way to full poetic license to punctuate as you feel fit to present your own work. In stanza 2, first 5 lines, I get the intent of your idea, ie. still scene setting, but it took three readings. IMO, perhaps it was the punctuation of those lines. Also, I think it is the jump into 'They sit...lost in ether.' with its solid new idea and precise structure which jarred me. I did notice both Stanzas 1 and 2 were nine lines, but no further exact structure seemed intended; so you weren't bound by prescribed verse lengths.

This is a comment, not a criticism.

Comment is about Chapter One (blog)

Original item by David Blake