Hey Uilleam, what a lovely quote! I have never heard of Watt Whitman before, but those words make me want to learn more about him, thank you for sharing 💗

Comment is about I Smile In The Face Of Death (blog)

Original item by Yasoda

The title of your poem reminds me of Walt Whitman's words:
"...I laugh at what you call dissolution
And I know the amplitude of time".
💗

Comment is about I Smile In The Face Of Death (blog)

Original item by Yasoda

Hi Linda, thank you for your lovely comment and suggestions!!

I think you mean the 'he-person' in stanza 4. This person is supposed to be a family member (not specified how close) of the person on their deathbed. That is why there's something familiar about the man (as he is family), but the person can't quite put a finger on it yet. Also why his face is tear-streaked and 'he looks like he might need a squeeze'. The 4th stanza is meant to emphasize the importance of family in one's life. The 3rd stanza ends with the speaker falling into a pit of despair, losing himself a bit, and the feeling of his family member holding his hand is what keeps him from the edge and brings him back to reality.

Hope that clarifies things a bit!! And thank you so much for liking my poem, it means the world to me 💗💗💗

Comment is about I Smile In The Face Of Death (blog)

Original item by Yasoda

This is so sadly beautiful! Hard to believe you are so young. It gave me goose bumps, ...

A few suggestions:
death starts out as "they" and is once "he." I would suggest always "he" unless there is a reason for "they" in which case get rid of the "he."

"I note that he's got the same smile as I" - maybe eliminate this? does anyone know what their real smile looks like? I don't think it adds to the poem.

"I smile back" is priceless.

EXCELLENT WORK. And I'm so sorry for whatever you experienced that inspired this.

Comment is about I Smile In The Face Of Death (blog)

Original item by Yasoda