Very good, Jane. I needed time to read it properly. The tone is set with the 'rushing' first line and is then maintained with vivid imagery and supportive diction. 'dessicated community' is really strong, like so many carcasses ground to mince, all cohesive personality gone.
Comment is about Goodbye To Thursday Street. (blog)
Original item by jane wilcock
Enjoyed a lot.You describe it well, "through pipe-smoke and cataracts" is good. "As lifts like urinals, out of order, and Arthritic knees would not bend at steps".Makes it sound like the urinals won't bend at the steps. I think you need "with lifts" not "as".Wouldn't the last line be better as"an architect for the graveyard"?
Comment is about Goodbye To Thursday Street. (blog)
Original item by jane wilcock
Val Cook
Sat 24th Apr 2010 09:06
Good writing Jane it captures the era well.
Comment is about Goodbye To Thursday Street. (blog)
Original item by jane wilcock