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Philipos

Fri 27th Apr 2012 10:29

Hi Noetic, have added further comments to ECHOES. Many thanks for sharing.

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Graham Sherwood

Fri 27th Apr 2012 10:27

RE: M>ILK

Can you email me the original text and I'll see if I can do something. Good idea about seeing everyone's different interpretation!

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Philipos

Fri 27th Apr 2012 10:25

Hi Noetic, Irish Guards myself with part-time service in other wings thereafter. This poem motivated by a recent reunion of sorts and tour of the old grounds at Pirbright.

Delight was in finding the ancient buildings renovated but mothballed so to speak, waiting for the next national emergency.

If only those walls could speak. Thanks for commenting.

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winston plowes

Fri 27th Apr 2012 10:23

Hi Graham. re M> ilk, Yes I do :-). In this case take a short poem and change every word to an antonym or at least an approximation to one. You may then have to change things after this first attempt to make the poem make some sense or make it more interesting or 'poetic'. The result canot then be traced to the original. It would be interesting for a few of us to have a go at this experiment on the same piece of text and see what the outcome is. (might set it up as a blog). Have a go. Win

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Lynn Dye

Fri 27th Apr 2012 09:53

Chilling indeed! Hard hitting and well written xx

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Laura Taylor

Fri 27th Apr 2012 09:34

Thanks everyone :) Glad you enjoyed the review too - was really lovely to actually get to see inside Haigh Hall, and the choir were fantastic :)

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David Cooke

Fri 27th Apr 2012 08:24

Thanks CYnthia for the generous comment on Pilgrims.

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Noetic-fret!

Thu 26th Apr 2012 23:24

There is a lot that speaks of choking here Marrianne, and you mention tectonic kisses too. Is this reference a run perhaps. Strokes of Silver, water perhaps. It is good nonetheless.

How did your run go Marrianne?

I am keen to know how well you did (although anyone who has the guts to attempt such a challenge has already done well).

I just hope it was a great day for you.

Best wishes,

Mike

x

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Noetic-fret!

Thu 26th Apr 2012 23:08

Hi phillipos,

I can almost here the Regimental Police myself, or the MPSC (Military Provos Staff Colchester) ringing out time. I am an ex military man myself, and know the Regimental Policemen well. Spent some long hours on Restrictions of Privileges and a night or two in the cells. It goes with the territory of being a soldier unfortunately.

I like this poem. I can almost sense you have some military experience yourself. Except, in my Corps we would call out - Deft-Dite-Deft-Dite etc etc etc.

Nice one.

Mike.

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JB Barrington

Thu 26th Apr 2012 23:02

There's another 24 verses to that one Mike
All the best
JB

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Noetic-fret!

Thu 26th Apr 2012 23:00

Aye Man Jonathan,

there is much more you could have said - no doubt about that. I like the poem but think you could tweak it a lil bit better, give it more guts and no holding back, really get the energy into a great deal of decay that is happening in our society.

Nice one!

Keep posting.

Best wishes, Mike.

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Phillip Kelly

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:19

hi.......excellent religious piece of poetry.....i love the repetition, and parallelism in this poem which creates great emphasis on key words and adds a sensse of pleading desperation......near perfection...in my view.....it has unusual format wiv some very long lines......but for me.......that adds to the quick tempo and the desperate , pleading tone.

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JB Barrington

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:17

Thanks Neil.
JB

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Neil Fawcett

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:11

Fantastic. I agree completely with your sentiments, well written too. It put me in mind of Kipling's 'If'.

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Lynn Dye

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:09

Wow, Larisa, I love this. It's one of those few poems that when I'd read it, I wished I'd written it myself! Hoping you are well, Love, Lynn x

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:05

Not surprised in the slightest, well done Laura X

Comment is about That poetry podium feeling: Greenheart prize-winner Laura on a grand night out (article)

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:05

Not surprised in the slightest, well done Laura X

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Lynn Dye

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:03

Thank you very much, Terry. :)

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Lynn Dye

Thu 26th Apr 2012 22:02

Oops, belated thank you's for your comments, John and Nick, appreciated none the less :)

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Lynn Dye

Thu 26th Apr 2012 21:59

Thank you Yvonne and Cynthia.

I did worry that the problem with writing an autobiographical love poem after being married so long would make it cheesy. Only my second sonnet - it might be the last too, haha. xx

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winston plowes

Thu 26th Apr 2012 20:51

Fantastic... Well done Tom. X

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JB Barrington

Thu 26th Apr 2012 20:17

Thanks for the kind words Philip Kelly.
To be honest I haven't a clue what your talking about but hey it don't half sound great !!
I just write what's in my head...there's no method, there's no 'enjambement and effective use of internal rhyme' or 'assonance and consonance', whatever that is.... i just write what's inside me (if that makes sense).
You should come and check me out live..... as my bio says....I am the proverbial poetic finger up the arse, I'm either the best orgasm you'll ever have or I'm the reason you'll shit the bed!
All the best
JB

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 26th Apr 2012 19:59

A most appealing view of the force that compels
a poet to write, one that we can all share and
identify with.

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David Cooke

Thu 26th Apr 2012 17:45

Hi Marianne Thank you for your very generous comments on the red kites poem. I'm really pleased you liked it. I shall have to check out yours.

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Jon

Thu 26th Apr 2012 16:46

It was a great night Laura,and I was dead chuffed for you when you read your poem!! Great review too! John x

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Greg Freeman

Thu 26th Apr 2012 15:28

Picture shows Cheltenham poetry festival creative director Ross Cogan introducing Nine Arches poets Luke Kennard, left, Daniel Sluman, centre, and Phil Brown at the Poetry Jukebox at the Exmouth Arms. See review http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=29040

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Neil Fawcett

Thu 26th Apr 2012 13:37

Thanks Cynthia, I agree with your observation and will amend accordingly.

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Thu 26th Apr 2012 13:23

Congratulatons Laura - you have a talent for the craft that truly deserves the recognition. Ace.

Nice Review too.

x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 12:13

Cute and clever. In my cat experience, the mouse was always dead, usually minus its head.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 12:08

This is interesting. I think 'Blank city connected space' is quite relevant with 'Cage overdying'. Perhaps 'pathetic' might be the last word left in our minds, since that seems to be mood sought.
It is 'Waling', Steve Waling; the 'h' might lead you off-course. He is highly respected for experimental verse.

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 26th Apr 2012 12:01

A "mood" piece that will resonate with anyone
who has attended a funeral - especially on
a day made worse by bad weather! Agree with
the comments praising the final stanza. It
finishes the piece beautifully.

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:57

Wasn't it novelist Frank Norman who wrote
"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be"?
A child's eye-view is like looking through a
telescope the wrong way round.
My childhood was spent in a seaside town that bore the bomb-sites of Hitler's war...another
"paradise" for play and the imagination. But
when I return there now, it is another place entirely - and not just because it has been
repaired and "improved". Chris Co's words remind us that such things are in the mind as much as anything else.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:48

An admirable sonnet on a bracing theme. I did smile at 'doth', and maybe a bit with 'Eternally' and 'blissful' but your effect is still one of personal honesty and encouragement for us all.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:39

You make me holler! It doesn't matter how 'blah' I may feel, you are a shot of sunshine to improve my whole outlook.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:34

Rain and death together are always great fodder for poetry. There is much that is very good in this; the mood is well-captured, and the final stanza is superb. IMO, there is editting to be done, a paring of words to a minimalist poem that would engage the heart by imaginative suggestion. Surely 'continued to weep' could be shortened, and 'the clouds went on'. AWR.

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Graham Sherwood

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:23

An interesting piece this Chris. I recently revisited somewhere from my childhood and felt really sad at the state of the place, not nostalgic at all. The real quality of this is the mind's eye feeling that you have that can't be replaced by reality. A lovely bereft feeling that can't be put right. Nicely worded.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 11:07

Super stuff, Laura. Congratulations. In your review I particularly enjoyed the comments of Daljit Nagra.

Comment is about That poetry podium feeling: Greenheart prize-winner Laura on a grand night out (article)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Apr 2012 10:58

All credit to Aristotle for the wisdom; but the haiku is mine.

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Rafal Nowakowski

Thu 26th Apr 2012 09:50

Witaj, Julian

thank You for possibilities of posting my poems at Your webpage. Of course, I inform You about any artistic events in my area. I would like to recomend Your webpage to my artistic friends all over Poland.

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Rory Peace

Thu 26th Apr 2012 09:47

Thank you for the lovely comments, it's exactly what I need right now. (:

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Greg Freeman

Thu 26th Apr 2012 08:08

Belated thanks for your comments on Duty, Nick

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Greg Freeman

Thu 26th Apr 2012 08:03

At least you can't blame Nelson for this one, John! Good point, MC, about the second world war. Toulon, wasn't it? I know, it's been too long

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Greg Freeman

Thu 26th Apr 2012 07:59

The mood at a funeral does depend on the weather a bit ... those final three lines are wonderful.

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shoeless

Thu 26th Apr 2012 07:27

mine's a pint ;) well done Laura and everyone .

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 26th Apr 2012 00:29

Rafal, Witam.

Thanks for joining Write Out Loud and posting your work up here. I enjoyed reading these and look forward to hearing other folks' views of your work.

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Chris Co

Wed 25th Apr 2012 19:57

Congratulations Laura x

Best

Chris

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Martin Togher

Wed 25th Apr 2012 19:13

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Yvonne Brunton

Wed 25th Apr 2012 18:17

Lovely!.Not that many folk can say this these days. XX

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Robert Mann

Wed 25th Apr 2012 16:42

M.C.
A moving tribute, beautifully written.

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Yvonne Brunton

Wed 25th Apr 2012 16:12

Comparing love to water in the first verse is excellent and conjures up bitter-sweet emotions in me. A fine poem. XX

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