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Val Cook

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 15:00

Well done Gemma it certainly flows,I like this I may try it myself.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 14:28

Aye no worries chuck - hope you enjoy :) DEAD interesting!

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Alison Smiles

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 13:58

ooh yes, I too got the shivers down the spine. I've walked winter hill in a blizzard with my teenager nephew. One of the rare occasions I've bailed out of a walk, and only then with the compass in constant use.

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John Togher

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 13:43

Too true, too true!

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Neil Fawcett

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 13:38

Cheeky! More like the shaking hand of The Guinness Man.

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 12:36

Ha - I LOVE this! I make a point of never visiting male doctors anymore - ever since I embarrased one and he embarrased me.

Female doctors are wonderful with their own - know exactly where you are coming from. Though mine confessed to me that she was sick of looking at female bums all day - apparently us women save all those icky problems for the female GPs!

Back to the poem. I love the humour - love the humanity in it. The ending is classic. We should all write poems about bad experiences with doctors...

I wish there was a female equivelant for viagra - if there were I bet many marriages would be saved.

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kealan coady

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 12:10

I'm actually a well established tap dancer in parts of Asia. Yeah I see what ya mean with good or bad being a matter of perception. But I've been rejected by pretty much every small press publisher in this hemisphere. Thats what I meant with reguards to my stuff and yeah I've tried a few different styles. Cinquain, syllabic but I try not get too engaged in one style as diversity keeps it interesting, if not for anyone else then for meself at least.

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 12:00

Yes - Anthony picked me up on lens the first time round. I changed it but forgot to amend it on the version I lifted from word. Have just done it now!

Perhaps 'this triangle' would have been better. I guess they were a straight line till I joined them. x

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 11:57

Thank you all - yes this does stir memories of all those school plays - and we've all watched or been in them!

The idea I was trying to convey with those lines Ray was that, being on my own, I had to muscle in on someone else's happy family and that out of kindness/ civility I was being included. 'But every man plays his part..' belongs really to the lines that follow it. I am playing along by pretending to be interested in their child, when in fact I only give a hoot for my own - human nature I'm afraid...

There is an accepted form at all these school plays - it involves congratulating other parents on the achievements of their children - no matter how unfair you think it is that your own prodigy didn't get to shine more.

Most school plays are indeciperable to me. Lots of the words are swallowed cos they are children, afer all. Add to that the fact that my mind wanders...

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John Embley

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 11:15

Hi Laura -- thanks for commenting on 'Eye of the Beholder' -- I've just been on MSN chat with my daughter in Canada, who did ecology at Bangor, and she reckons she has a book on the Gaia theory left in our loft, so I'll go take a peek this weekend, and see if I can find it. I've heard of it, of course, but my background's mainly maths, engineering and physics, so I've tended to steer clear of such stuff, until recently, p'raps when I started feeling poetic, eh?.
Ta for the pointer!

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John Embley

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 11:07

This is such a great poem, Isobel!
Every time I read it, another memory jumps out -- and so true! Similar things happened for all 3 of our sproglets years ago!
Nuthin' changes ...
I got to be a candle, I recall, and forgot my words, nearly 60 years ago -- doesn't time fly?

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Ray Miller

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 10:43

You're right, Isobel, I like this one better.In fact, it's a poem that gets better as it goes along.
Not sure Bugsy Malone could be described as having an indecipherable plot.
I didn't understand this bit:
A foisted corner to their triangle
Because everyone
Is
So nice
But each man plays a part…

was this written during your cryptic period?
The last verse is great, I think, but then I'm an old softie. It's lens, though, not lense.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 10:39

ooOOoo I got goosebumps reading this!!! Powerful stuff Jeff - really captures the haunting windswept nature of the place. Wow!

That last line is a killer!

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 10:17

Hi again - thanks for replying so soon

What do you think defines 'good' though? Or 'bad'? And who are you going to take that from - yourself, or others? And then...which others? Beware of deification! You have a powerful imagination and intellect - it's not about being better, or worse. It's about your words.

Have you tried writing within certain structures like, say, haiku, ghazal, the diamond stuff that Cynthia is playing with at the mo?

I know what you mean about certain styles being easier to write in. I find that a lot of mine end up being in a musical rhythm - trying to fight against it all the time but it falls out that way. I use haikus to break me out of it.

I think you need to be more courageous about your own work, to recognise if it FEELS good when you write and read it. All the ideas and imagery you're packing in at the moment - it's dense as fuck. You must surely see some merit in that?

Anyhow - keep on writing - not that you could do anything else, I'm sure ;)


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John Coopey

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:56

Jeff/Dave
Fraternal greetings and deep respect from a fellow sufferer.

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kealan coady

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:51

Thanks for the comments laura. Im just not a very good editor. Im not sure whats good and whats not. So I just throw them up here. I kinda try out a few different styles, this one at the moment seems easy to write so I'm gunna stay on it. But thanks again for the comments.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:47

Ah well, didn't count on hawkeye me did ya? ;)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:46

Fair enough - works perfectly well in that way :)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:45

It really is an interesting form, and I enjoyed this much more than the cat one...you've captured the best of one of my most exciting places (or three rather!).

Might well have a go at one of these myself.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:39

I'm really liking these recent pieces of yours Kealan. Would be interested to know if you like them too as in your biog you reckon you think you're shit. Would also be nice to know I'm not just sending my comments into the ether.

This is really evocative - I felt like winter morning, loving the reference to M theory as well...in fact, was only looking at that yesterday when writing my mirror poem.

Typo in the spelling of disappeared - one 's', two 'p's

Love these lines: The pull and tuck influence

Of words falling from your lips

Like animals from a ridge.


You are packing an awful lot of ideas and imagery in these recent poems - nice one

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:30

Ooo I like this Andy, some cracking lines in it.

Little typo - there's a surplus 's' in aimlessly

This is an interesting line: 'and the chaos of the severed sun'. It sounds GREAT, and I think it refers to the setting sun being chopped up by the silhouette of the pier, and the way it fractures the light into your eyes so you have trouble seeing properly. That's what it feels like to me anyway.

Love it

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:27

Hahaa!! Nice one Ray - although you cheated and made it funny ;p

I really enjoyed this, the dialogue, the quick bit of memory lane, or Park Drive, ;) The mechanics of the testing, and that last line - excellent finish :D

'I shall have to put you down
as impotent, I'm afraid.
I take it like a man.
And what do you do for exercise?
I smile at her and she smiles back.'

^ comedy gold :D

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:23

And there are some, like James Lovelock, who theorise that the earth itself, and all the organisms that live in and on it, are a part of a complex system of organisms, all working together to keep the earth alive and as healthy as it can be. Have you read about the Gaia theory? Worth reading alongside this.

Interesting poem, interesting questions :)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:15

Hello chuck

Hey - thanks for the indirect inspiration re mirrors! Have put my new one up now :)

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Laura Taylor

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 09:11

Hardly a 'backlash' Isobel. That would involve more than me, surely? ;p

Well I intend to keep shagging too for what it's worth hehe - as long as I can anyhow.

Haha Ray - you jest, surely, re Men Only comps? Come on then, let's be having one of these here poems about losing erections and hair!

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Petrova Fairhurst

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:50

Cheers Dave, honesty is very important to me in all things.

Glad you liked the piece xXx

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Petrova Fairhurst

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:44

Just read the Glass Conch - love it!

So few words to convey so much, "And as the tide departs, hushhh"

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Petrova Fairhurst

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:41

Hey Win, thanks for commenting on The Changeling.

I wrote it to express my concerns and I'm glad to say that thanks to the feedback at performances, I've had them addressed and I do know that desire comes not only from hormonal rushes but also from what a person sees and feels :)

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Petrova Fairhurst

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:31

Cheers Laura for commenting on The Changeling. I'm a dizzy sod at times; have to park my car in the same few places in a multi-storey, always leave my keys in the hall & I do wonder of I'll remember where I live once I've been through the menopause!

There's a fear for me of losing my womanliness too - lots more things than I conveyed in the poem which focused on female sexuality.

Anyway, thanks again, glad you enjoyed it xXx

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:25

A girlfriend of mine was projected into it due to hormone repression tablets. She is absolutely fine. Everything works downstairs and mentally. I must admit - that thought has brought me a lot of comfort - though I've no doubt it depends on the individual and intial sex drive. x

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Isobel

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:19

LOL - I knew I'd stimulate that 'Oh no it isn't!' backlash. I was being a bit mischevious with my earlier comment - not really criticising the poem as such. Perhaps I suffer from the same deep rooted anxieties but am in denial.

Yes - there is a period in the woman's cycle when she is let us say 'more receptive' - I've never been more creative during that time though - but then again, I've never had period pains or PMT. We are all gloriously different I think so I intend to keep on shagging till I'm 90 - and no-one is going to persuade me otherwise...

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Petrova Fairhurst

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 08:19

Hi Isobel

Thanks for commenting on The Changeling. I'm not there yet, it's something I've been wondering about - what affect will these changes have? And interestingly, each time I've performed it, women have spoken to me and answered some of my questions :)

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Jeff Dawson

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 07:17

Hi Dave, thanks so much for your comment on Ghosts of Rivington Moor, enjoyed writing it, good to know it had the desired effect on you. It's quite fascinating in a barren way but there's a lot to it. Not been up there for a while but always like the experience, as for those new fandangled GPS things, well, yes could probably need one if weather was that bad! Hope to see you soon mate Jeff

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Dave Bradley

Fri 22nd Jul 2011 02:17

Without disagreeing with anyone else, I have to agree with Laura here regarding the main thing about this poem which is its absolute honesty and courage in facing reality. Something which is priceless and too rarely found in life. What it does with words is pretty striking in places too. One to remember.

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John Embley

Thu 21st Jul 2011 23:41

Just been reading a book on the 'Anthropic Cosmological Principle', which seems to argue, in its strongest case, that the Universe exists as it does because we're in it ... I can't quite get my head around that one, so wrote this, trying to reason it out ...

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Dave Bradley

Thu 21st Jul 2011 23:37

Enjoyed this John. I still remember the sense of shock at John White's death - he was a great player in a great team. I saw Spurs beat Sheffield Wednesday 4-0 7th April 1962 and wish I could remember more about the day - I think he was playing but Google won't confirm.

Dave (Evertonian)

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Dave Bradley

Thu 21st Jul 2011 23:15

I can't remember one of yours that I've liked as much Jeff (doesn't mean there isn't one, I've got a rotten memory). I go up on the hills in these sort of conditions and am barmy enough to enjoy it and it really brought memories to life for me. Excellent!

PS You could try a GPS unit but maybe the poetry would suffer

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Dave Bradley

Thu 21st Jul 2011 23:06

Found this and thought it excellent then noticed you posting another one as I write, which is completely different - experimental. Both of them work for me.

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 21st Jul 2011 22:45

Hi Amy, like the two part thing, some great lines as I would expect from you, now you had best get some gardening done! See ya soon Jeff X

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 21st Jul 2011 22:39

No chance, the electric bill is high enough as you well know! Great poem Manda, really got a sting in it, you don't mince your words, very well put together, excellent stuff(ing) X

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 21st Jul 2011 22:32

Hi John, I had tears in my eyes the last night at Burnden Park, in those immortal words Kenneth Wolstenholme, life long Bolton fan said 'They think its all over, it is now' Theres a sadness that wipes out an old football stadium things can never be the same.

I didnt know Spurs had a ghost in John White, bit before my time - I thought Martin Peters was the ghost! Anyway really enjoyed this, nice memories of great times and players, know you like my poem about Nat, all the best Jeff

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Rachel Bond

Thu 21st Jul 2011 22:05

great poem jeff :)

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John Coopey

Thu 21st Jul 2011 21:53

John White - struck by lightning in 1964.

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Ray Miller

Thu 21st Jul 2011 21:52

I worry about losing hair and erections, though not in that order. And I write poems about it. But I only enter them in the Men Only Poetry Competitions.
I like the poem, except I found some of the word formulation a bit tortuous:
"the lure of skin live without"

for example. Is it such a taboo subject, though? My missus and her mates seem to talk about little else.Though I can't say I'm familiar with this 3 days of fuck-everything madness.

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 21st Jul 2011 21:37

Really like this mate, conjures up fond images of a seaside holiday, love the analogy with the Beatles song and nice ended, nice one! Jeff

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Banksy

Thu 21st Jul 2011 21:10

Hi Laura - yes, I posted it once before, but seeing as it didn't get any comments I thought I could slip it in under the radar - the Holy ghost, and all that. B

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Jeff Dawson

Thu 21st Jul 2011 20:56

Fantastic poem Stella, took me back a good few yesrs, lovely lines and images, really enjoyed it. Mind you main thing I remember is the bloody tide coming in too quick just as I had sorted the flamin moat out! Jeff X

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winston plowes

Thu 21st Jul 2011 20:51

Nice work petrova....

I think Isobel is prob right, its how you feel inside, but hey I am a mere man.

"Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don’t know
Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older, I’m getting older too"

(Stevie Nicks)

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Lizzie

Thu 21st Jul 2011 20:50

Thanks.
I think the paragraphs represent the sense of urgency I felt when I wrote it.

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Philipos

Thu 21st Jul 2011 20:19

Delightful - thought you wrote recently about writer's block somewhere or am I thinking of someone else!

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