Empty Space - thank-you.
;)
xxx

Comment is about Shoeless Carole (poet profile)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

really enjoyed this geoffrey... ideal this time for me...

one little thing which i maybe wrong is on the last line of the first stanza 'Still it is voiceless', you may want to reconsider 'it is still voiceless' but it is stirring stuff either way..

top one..

Comment is about ONE MORE FROST (blog)

you are defo on a good role, Janet here.. one of my favourites so far on this space theme... x

Comment is about Space - Between the Lines (blog)

like it dave.. i would hate to try and perform this however (would tie me up in knots i think!)

Comment is about Rebuilding the Tower of Babel? (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Your haiku efforts were excellent and very well received. I think I'm coming to your conclusion that less is sometimes more.

Comment is about Shoeless Carole (poet profile)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Ooo, very short and compact. Empathy? I'm going a bit mad on structure lately...I would have liked to have seen another one word line at the end there.

Just my symmetrical obsession rearing its ugly head again ;)

Comment is about Space - Between the Lines (blog)

The 'whores' bit really stands out, given its initial sound, I guess you meant to do that?

This feels like it's a comment on the population of WOL! (almost)

Comment is about Rebuilding the Tower of Babel? (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

It's deja vue all over again..

Comment is about Groundhog (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Very haunting mood, developed with much finesse, using vivid details like 'unlit, but heated' 'voiceless'. The warmth of 'neighbourly care' and 'fields are familiar' is a tugging contrast with the cold reality of the present. 'I name my navigators among the departed' is a stirring line.

Comment is about ONE MORE FROST (blog)

Hi - Dave's poem - sorry, I don't know what you're banging on about there - but you're more than welcome to the Cpt Kirk joke - it's not mine anyway :)

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

A great poem, Ray, dynamic and seething with gripping images to carry your theme. I feel that the 'no punctuation decision' drives the poem forward at breakneck speed, grabbing at you like a burr. The sarcasm just drips from the adder's tongue.
One very small point; I do like 'paprika sunset' (as a break from 'iodine'), also including the idea of 'peppery' as well as colour; but I would not put in 'canvas'. IMO, it's rhythmically interruptive, and introduces a new 'feel' to the tirade, deliberate construction.

Comment is about venomous (blog)

i think haiku might be too hard for me lol , after my efforts

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

*readit*
*readit*
*readit*

or was that a frog :)
made me smile

Comment is about Groundhog (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Hi Dave - no, I never did read any of the Red Dwarf books - sorry. B

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Hi Dave - I like a lot of yours & it's very interesting about the photons & news to me. I posted a poem not-so-very-long-ago (old father time) positing my view that there really is "No Such Thing as Time". This is my firmly held belief, which, if true, might help to avoid some of the anomalies & problems which particle physics currently seems to be struggling over. just my 2 cents. all the best. B

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

...."I keep hearing 'I've got you Babe' all the time. A double please"

Comment is about Groundhog (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! I am so curious to know what did he (it) say? I am very curious. I am super curious. I am just .....I am just..... I am just.... I am just.....

Comment is about Groundhog (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

I thought that was yesterday. Was it the day before or the day before that a groundhog walked into a bar and said...

Comment is about Groundhog (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

I think this reflects the ageing process quite well Larisa and yes, it is world weary but i'm sure some would say some realistic perceptions, false or otherwise too x

Comment is about Rzhepicks (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

Excellent. I like the feeling of void and blankness. It also reminded me of a bit in the Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy (one of my favourite books) where the perspective vastness of the universe is mind blowingly demonstrated by comparing it to a piece of fairy cake. I think the naf atom is Helium. (I'm sure you know that) Dave

Comment is about Inner Space (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Oh, Dave, Dave ! didn't you just love Isobel's last sentence ?..."the very positive note you end on". She puts such an interesting "spin" on your musings. Now - if you could choose to be any subatomic particle at all, what would you be ?? I venture that you'd choose a strange-flavoured quark; me, I'd go for cheese 'n Onion - but no surprise there then :)

Comment is about Inner Space (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Perfect.

Comment is about Space - Between the Lines (blog)

Very atmospheric - the static adding to the feeling of isolated desolation.
Hope you don't mind if I add one or two suggestions too? Not about the poem - about the recording, really minor points but - just be aware of the sibilance of your 's' sounds - unless it's the effect you want, try to minimise it otherwise can sound a little bit hissy; also - you cut the recording very abruptly after you finish speaking, just a very few seconds of ambient noise would have finished it very nicely.
Incidentally - the static/white noise you can hear when you 'untune' your radio or tv is the noise from the'big bang' - another reason, I think, why the atmosphere on the recording really works with the poem.
Cx

Comment is about space (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Wot! No final frontier? Good one Janet! Concise. xx

Comment is about Space - Between the Lines (blog)

Hi Isobel,
Thank-you ever so much for reading and commenting on 'Empty Space' - much appreciated.
I have decided to leave it as it is - unpuctuated, partially for the reasons you said. :)
Cx

Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Hi Ann,
Thank-you ever so much for reading and commenting on 'Empty Space' - your comments are always appreciated.
Cx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Got shivers listening to this Ann! Agree with everyone re your voice - sounds just beautiful on this. Really conveys the desolation of space.

Comment is about space (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hi Andy,
Thanks for reading and commenting on 'Empty Space' - always appreciate your input.
Cx

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Oh this is excellent Dave! I LOVE the questions asked, the massive amount of information contained within, and the nicely located entrance of a more theological slant. I really like this:

How dull. I pass through you

with my mind, but more would be fun, would be

‘positive’

Your disclaimer about the pic made me laugh too :D

Comment is about Inner Space (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Reading it I pause for breath at drapes and kill.

Comment is about venomous (blog)

Heh - good one, little witch :)

Another vote for the present tense version

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

Hi again :)

Ha, yes indeedy, sweet catharsis! It's a fine fine feeling to be able to make something good out of something so bad.

I like your interpretation of the bike title...and it can also be seen as bike = cycle ;)

Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment Elaine. Would be good to meet you some time :)

Laura x

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

Thank you so much for all the lovely comments Elaine. Hope to meet you at Hebden Bridge next time! xx

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

Thank you again, Anne. It is a funny little poem, born on a depressed morning. Not brilliant.
I find your poems like water colours, picturing detail and conveying a mood. Each one well worth reading.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Agreed, it is beautifully read. I would love to be able to read the words on the page too if you could see your way to posting them?
Please.x

Comment is about space (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks for your comments Elaine.I like your first profile poem. You convey very well the morning mix of practicality and mental exertion required to get out in the morning. 'Cold water...cleans away night's fears.' I really identified with this.

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

I'd have to hear you read it. If you read it with punctuation then I guess it should be added.

Comment is about venomous (blog)

Thanks all. Now you what it feels like to be me, Janet.
Punctuation would encourage more readers. Discuss.You're probably right,James, it's rare that I don't punctuate but it felt right here.

Comment is about venomous (blog)

Hi Ann
You read beautifully. Lovely voice, if I might be so bold.
Very 2001.
These are merely suggestions. Up to you.
I think this would be even better with some editing to get it down to its bare bones, reflecting the spatial sparseness.
suggest you cut the duplications/redundancies [brackets]:

It’s cold up here [in space]
Having just heard you read the title, we know where you are already

Once it was home
[Not any more]
We know the second line from the “once it was…”

Try removing the –ly adverbs and see how it sounds then.

Brilliantly read and a lovely piece.
hope you dont mind these suggestions?

Comment is about space (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Beautifully read Ann.

Comment is about space (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Hello Elaine,
Thank you for taking the time to comment on "Pals".

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

I like the thoughfulness and ideas of this poem, referencing Elliot and Coleridge too - nice one.

Comment is about Inner Space (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

I see what you mean. it is a huge cliches but I feel that each couplet in that is a cliches maybe. When I first wrote that poem I played about with the punctuation but it didn't seem to work in practice. On the page people seemed confused and when I read it out I left a full stop beat.

thanks for your feedback :)

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

I liked the enigmatic feel of this poem.

Comment is about three signs (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

And how sorry I was not to be there with you all! Ah, well, next time I hope. Thanks for the poem - it is a little piece of that adventure for us to share with you.

Comment is about coda - hebden bridge (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Elaine - how could I possibly mind you saying that - you are too kind! xx

Comment is about the man from rejerrah (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Enjoyed this piece a lot. Like all of your poems, if you don't mind me saying, there is a lovely soul behind it.

Comment is about the man from rejerrah (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Thanks. I was really annoyed I had to leave early on the Tudor night. Oh well, i've got a sabbatical coming up from January to April so I should be able to come down to a few more events. Any you can suggest.

Comment is about Elaine (poet profile)

Original item by Elaine

Perfectly lovely poem. I also could see this as a piece for children although I enjoyed it too.

Comment is about rainraingoaway (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

"Their love echoes round the oceans" and "and together
they fall into that heavy nothingness" are wonderful lines. A very touching poem.

Comment is about whale music (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove