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Ray Miller

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:27

Good one. Maybe "We all feel Extra special in coach E"? The 4 lines from "The ribs....turkey" are terrific, as is "Vacant masts sharp as fish bones". I think you'd have a better ending without the last 2 lines.

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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shoeless

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:25

go on , does it follow form i dont know , i looked at wiki and felt a little pale :)

Comment is about Shoeless (blog)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:20

Aha... I was trying to say... well done, an interesting angle on the traditional haiku form, I am not at all protective of it. You can have as many syllables as you like on my part LOL. just an observation. Don't get me started on ghazals however! Win x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:08

just another day on our rail network eh! nice observations Ann. Are there red sandstone cliffs in Dawlish Warren? liked the turkey ribs. Win x

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 20:14

oh very very clever! Odessa Lady-well done! love-Stefan-xx

Comment is about The Days I Drink (rzhepick) (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

<Deleted User> (6534)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 20:08

Breakfast haiku

A jug of milk and
One bowl of Readybrek and
Two spoons a warm glow

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Isobel

Sun 14th Nov 2010 19:18

Could the world really stand up to all our 'through the mangle' poetry? I doubt it Dave but it might be funny in a black kind of way.

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Isobel

Sun 14th Nov 2010 18:55

Aaaah - thanks for your comments folks - was feeling fed up this week-end but your comments have cheered me up - or was it the the 2 glasses of red?
I see you are shaping up to be a Haiku poet Francine! You'll have to take Winston on - clash of the titans! I always feel guilty when I post a haiku - especially when it gets a lot of comments - it is so easy to write. It is nice to do something restful for a change though. xx let the good will of Merlot spill around to one and all xx

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Francine

Sun 14th Nov 2010 18:30

Je l'aime, Isobel.

Those who break the 'rules'
Envious imitation
Are those who follow



The space between us
To break away and feel free
Kills the love we have

; )

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Tim Ellis

Sun 14th Nov 2010 17:41

I think books probably are slowly on the way out. To people of our age (I assume you're of a similar vintage Cynthia) this seems a shame, but children today are growing up reading from a screen as naturally as from paper. It's not necessarily a bad thing though - sites like this show that poetry can thrive on the internet, and I'm sure when paper was first invented many people said, "but it's just not the same as a stone tablet!"

Comment is about The Written Word (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tim Ellis

Sun 14th Nov 2010 17:31

Ah yes, great minds think alike it seems...! Evocative and provocative. I like the experiments with layout and font sizes.

Comment is about The Rustle of Autumn (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tim Ellis

Sun 14th Nov 2010 17:22

Thanks Cynthia. I wrote it a few weeks ago because the BBC Autumnwatch programme was asking for autumn themed poems for their website, but it doesn't look as if they're going to broadcast any of them now, so I thought I'd share it on WOL instead.

Comment is about A gardener reminisces. (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

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Dave Bradley

Sun 14th Nov 2010 17:10

That's possible Ann - getting scattier all the time. Thanks for commenting, everyone - it's been a consolation (sniff, reaches for hanky). And thanks for refraining from cracks about laundry and men "boldly going where no man has gone before".

PS last mangle I saw was in a museum. What about 'Through the mangle' as a competition theme?

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Dave Bradley

Sun 14th Nov 2010 16:51

I like this Ann. The pace of the poem is just right for the reflective yet alert mood which a train journey can create. I'm sure I'm not the only reader whose mind goes back to journeys taken. That's sad about the woman killed - it sometimes happens when dogs fall in water as well. Deserving of a poem in itself.

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Greg Freeman

Sun 14th Nov 2010 16:10

I like these Cornwall-Paddington poems! The third stanza is the best, full of sharp observation, the cormorants, the egrets and the wreck, and the killer line: "It always was a troubled village." !! Just shows, you always get good poems from trains ...

Comment is about coach E (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 14:45

oops! sorry Janet-I was only referring you to laughter-with no intention of belittling this lovely poem

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

<Deleted User> (8692)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 14:15

Hi there. Thanks for your message of support re WOL. And yes, I did tag my poem with 'hedonism' didn't I? I guess I was thinking of it as a kind of fun abandonment; a lapse in rigidity, both formal and sexual. It's not a life philosophy of mine, by the way. The poem is purely hypothetical.

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

<Deleted User> (7164)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:59

Ah yes Stef.. but you confused me with the reference because it really isn't relevant for this poem. Thank you for the explanation though :-)

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:50

hi again Janet-you mean to tell me you have never read the chronicles of narnia?(the Lion,the witch and the WARDROBE! my previous spelling of the lions name was meant to be pronounced in a posh way..h'aslan..lol!..Aslan-enjoyed the poem of course as I do with all your work-thank you-Stef-xx

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

<Deleted User> (7164)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:35

Lovely Freda. Fantastic imagery going on here.
'I scramble down long screes of cloud
and wrap my fear in fine spun shroud.
Super lines.x

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

<Deleted User> (7164)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:32

Maybe the latest discussion thread wheedled its way into this one Winston. There is a shift from me to you :-)

I love it Isobel. Hope you tagged it for the comp. As far as i can see there's no rules to say you can't post another one and enter it at a later date.x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

<Deleted User> (7164)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:24

Hi Cynthia, thanks for comment on my poem 'Clearance Lines.'
These days i would rather allow the readers to come to their own conclusions when reading my stuff and love reading their own interpretations of it for comparison to my own but..seeing as you asked for a little more...

It's actually based on the visions in a meditation and quite personal to me in the sense of past, present and future.
I think the dead mouse is me :-)
The rest is de-clutter of stuff/baggage :-)
Isaiah in this particular case is a loose reference to becoming a seer or seeing the future.(my future)
I decided not to embellish on anything else i saw ahead of me. Let's just say the future looks bright :-)

I'm thoroughly enjoying this phase of short poems for however long it lasts and really appreciate your input.x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:17

I wouldn't change it Isobel, I think it's great. xx

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:11

I think this is charming as it gallops along in rhyme and rhythm, and it makes an serious social point in a comic way. Well done.

Comment is about Outdated (blog)

Original item by Dorinda MacDowell

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:05

Tim, this is really good. The rhyme scheme is so effortless it slipped by me the first time as I read just for the pleasure of your chosen words and the cadence of your lines. A sonnet no less! I, too, am an ardent admirer of naked trees. If it interests you at all, you could check out The Rustle of Autumn, probably October or November, 2009.

Comment is about A gardener reminisces. (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 13:00

Good afternoon Freda-this poem has a very angelical feel to it-beautiful-thank you-

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:52

Great imagery, full of innate ideas. There is a lot to know about Isaiah. A brilliant word; please elaborate just a bit. I can hardly believe you are the same writer as a year ago.

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:28

I love the title Freda. The whole thing has a hymn like quality for me.

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Isobel

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:25

It is lovely to see someone embracing rhyme though Freda. It gives a lovely flow to the poem which echoes the bird in flight, I feel.

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:11

I think this poem has a good feel, with some lovely phrases, but I also feel that it limps into some very average language and imagery, like a kite not quite lifted up, struggling for the upper drafts.

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Isobel

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:11

Ha - rules are there to be broken Win and someone has to evolve poetry formats - why not me?
This still feels a bit nothingy to me - possibly cos it's haiku. I tried to write a proper poem about space but decided not to inflict it on you...
I may try adding some verses to this instead - if I can find the words.

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 12:00

It's the physical writing of Lawrence that I appreciate so much, his language and style. He could talk lengthily about phoniness because he was a prime example himself, analysis gone nuts; he must have known this even as he wrote, in a kind of supreme self-irony. But he had insights of the human condition and of cultural changes. I often wondered if he were really homosexual. Frieda sure kept him on his 'manly' toes. I suppose good writers must be complex; otherwise how do they relate to such a cross-section of life? Feminism is a many-faceted idea, in my opinion too often reduced for soapbox purposes to vacuous simplicity. It's good to talk to you. I loved meeting you at Hebden Bridge.

Comment is about Freda Davis (poet profile)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:50

As many WOL friends have begun to suspect, I would now jump right in to contest the last stanza, praising the unparalleled value of 'pots' and 'tools' to our understanding of human development. I would be my own adversary - good brain tickling.

Comment is about The Written Word (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Greg Freeman

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:47

Very Emily Bronteish this, for me, Freda. I was there on the moors above Haworth. Enjoyed it.

Comment is about I cross a moor where stars are white. (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:24

Maybe it was just your shopping list Dave! P'raps your poem is in the pocket of your other jeans! xx

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:19

I like the way the poem slips from "I" to "you". Very clever!

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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Graham Sherwood

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:16

Strange that when love disappears people often crave space?

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:07

Hi Steven, Having an interesting discussion on whether 'origin information' should be given (maybe as a footnote) and if this adds to the poem or not . See my latest blog entry. (stalemate Hold) It would be interesting to have your input. Win x

Comment is about Steven Waling (poet profile)

Original item by Steven Waling

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:03

yes, some powerful and philosophical ideas here. For me, Libaries combine the power of silence with the power of the written word.

Comment is about The Written Word (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sun 14th Nov 2010 11:02

well ain't that just the way !

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 10:58

Hi Cynthia, thanks for comments on the bravely of experimental poetry. Some lengthy comments left on the blog itself. Win x

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 10:26

This is an interesting little thing Isobel. In trad haiku there is often a pause or shift between 1st and 2nd or 2nd and 3rd lines. this is the opposite where each line is actually connected with a repeated word with its neighbour. Win x

Comment is about Space Beat Haiku (blog)

Original item by Isobel

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winston plowes

Sat 13th Nov 2010 22:14

LOL dave. When I leave paper in pockets i usually get a sort of 'pulp lump' 2 great words. Win

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Val Cook

Sat 13th Nov 2010 21:09

Mike I like this too.The pace you set was was good and I loved the ending when it all made sense.

Comment is about Guess Where Daddy's From (blog)

Original item by Noetic-fret!

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Noetic-fret!

Sat 13th Nov 2010 20:32

Hello Freda, yup, i agree with cynthia thomas. It is a marvellous poem that deserves more respect. Thank you for posting this one;- Quality is all i can say.

be well

mike

x

Comment is about Antique Zealot (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

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Tim Ellis

Sat 13th Nov 2010 20:24

Thanks John. Hope to see you on wednesday. I've got another longish one to read so I probably won't read this one, don't want to overstay my welcome.

Comment is about A gardener reminisces. (blog)

Original item by Tim Ellis

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sat 13th Nov 2010 18:53

any sign of Haslan Janet?-x

Comment is about Clearance Lines (blog)

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Greg Freeman

Sat 13th Nov 2010 18:31

Hi Win. Glad you caught sight of a kingfisher - on the Rochdale canal? It makes your day, doesn't it? I'm envious as I haven't seen one on my local canal for over a year now, although I suppose I don't go walking there as much as I used to do. On the subject of war memorials, they are so moving. You mention Burma - we went to the Allied cemetery at Kanchanaburi by the river Kwae - my dad survived 1942-45 as a POW of the Japanese - and it was the ages of the names on the stones that got me. Greg

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sat 13th Nov 2010 18:24

Dave - if I look very closely I can just make out a C.... a U....an N.. and, I think, yes, a T. does that help ?

Comment is about The upsetting effect of my current poem ending up in bits all over the laundry (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Greg Freeman

Sat 13th Nov 2010 18:23

Hi John. Have just received my copy of Along the Iron Veins in the post and wanted to say how much I enjoyed your poem 7 O'clock Brit therein. Not sure I've seen that one here. I applaud the sentiment of it and particularly the lines: "as Lidl trades where walk the ghosts / of Hucknall Central Station." Very poignant words for those of us who still hanker after the pre-Beeching era!

Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)

Original item by John Coopey

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