It's a good poem. I'd prefer it without the opening two lines, they're a bit "Look at me!" I think the last 7 lines are terrific. You maybe don't need idle gesture, just gesture would do.
Comment is about Day 6 (blog)
Beautiful. There is a precision about the words that really struck me.
Comment is about Day 6 (blog)
Very clever, Yvonne, enjoyed this.
I never realised I was going to spark off a revolution of poems, great stuff!
Comment is about The Newberry Dye-Pass Crossing AKA The Rules Of The Road. (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Sentiment - 'I like. It is so beautiful. Am that type of a lady too!' Yes or no?
Comment is about I Am a Lady (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
What I mean by sentiment is the 'I am a woman' idea. I'm probably now digging a hole and sounding sexist. I read poems here and don't comment because I don't even think they are worthy of commenting on. But I could read that you are a poet. I wanted to say what I felt, sounding pompous now, to maybe provide positive criticism. If I make on criticism of this site, it's I worry about the emperor's new clothes. Sometimes, and not all, I've seen criticism made, people are just too nice about people's work. Best wishes Glyn
Comment is about I Am a Lady (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Hello, Glyn! Thank you so much for commenting on my poems. I've read all your poems posted here and world like to say that they are not for me. It's not my style.
http://www.poetryfromodessa123.jimdo.com
Best wishes,
Larisa
PS I've commented on your comments.
Comment is about Glyn Pope (poet profile)
Original item by Glyn Pope
May be it's again just you? I mean the rhythm and the flow of the lines. As to the language: I speak Russian though live in Ukraine but in Odessa, and everyone here speaks Russian. I also write poems in Russian but do not translate them into English. So, it's not a translation. I certainly know Ukrainian and...would like to say that....it's my second language. English is the third one. If you are interested in my writing poetry in English have a look at my site:
http://www.poetryfromodessa123.jimdo.com
Best wishes, Larisa
Comment is about May be it's a sin... (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Thank you Glyn for liking this.
Comment is about God Save You! (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Yes, Glyn, you are right. It's just you. And.... Why is it the sentiment?
Comment is about I Am a Lady (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Thank you for your kind comment on 'The Music'.
gx
Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
I like this Nick. Just the bald facts being stated underline the starkness of the murder and the bleak situation of the prisoner. XX
Comment is about AN UNFORTUNATE DEATH (blog)
Original item by NICK ARMBRISTER
The contrast of images from the graceful arc to the heavy 'plop' is very effective. A great analagy: different styles of both diving and music.
This is simply phrased but very skillfully honed. XX
Comment is about Music (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
The rhythm seems wrong again. And too many rhymes. But maybe its just me. I can see why women like the sentiment though.
Comment is about I Am a Lady (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
I like this. I'd like your opinion on my poem King of Thorns Larisa.
Comment is about God Save You! (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
There's something abut this so that the lines don't flow properly, the rhythm seems wrong. Was it translated from the Ukraine?
Comment is about May be it's a sin... (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Yes Tommy I will,
and you're most welcome to join us and read your poems.
Be great to meet.
Best
Chris
Comment is about Wirral Ode Show Open Mic- Thursday- NEW VENUE (blog)
Original item by Chris Co
<Deleted User> (6895)
Wed 18th Apr 2012 20:27
ps-the title is soooo clever
that it caused me'unt'missus
to have a dicky fit-(in arfun hour-ha!)
now floss off!
Comment is about The Newberry Dye-Pass Crossing AKA The Rules Of The Road. (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
<Deleted User> (6895)
Wed 18th Apr 2012 20:23
No blummin wonder we're not well!!
Yerv all gone mad on here ternite-
and we blame that Mrs.Dye.
thank gawd
and Saint Crispbags
for sensybull crinkleys like wot we iz.
Now behave-you mental flossers!xx
Comment is about The Newberry Dye-Pass Crossing AKA The Rules Of The Road. (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Hi Yvonne,
Thanks again for the kind comments on 'Jury Duty'
I'm glad you liked it.
Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Hi Cynthia,
Thanks for the kind comments on 'Jury Duty' - I appreciate the amendments too - I often miss those little things even if I've read the piece 10 + times. Great of you to take time like that!
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Excellent riposte, MC.You have driven me to verse (or worse)
Comment is about LIVE AND LET DYE - A cyclist's riposte to dear Lynn Dye (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Thanks for the comments, folks. Andrew, I guess you and I are going to have to agree to disagree about poem length... but I'm glad you liked it! ;-)
Comment is about Spring. (blog)
Original item by steve pottinger
Ouch it still hurts.
I rang my big brother Barca up and asked him to duff them up for me!
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Hello Alison
Many thanks for your comments on Metre.
I've never got round to reading Beowulf myself. I wonder if it loses something in translation to modern english
Comment is about Alison Smiles (poet profile)
Original item by Alison Smiles
Hahaha I asked for that one, didn't I?
Very funny, MC, love it.
(I'm sure you wouldn't zoom silently past me at top speed, missing me by inches on the towpath, the same as I wouldn't hover at a crossing and walk out at the last moment in a cyclist's path!)
Comment is about LIVE AND LET DYE - A cyclist's riposte to dear Lynn Dye (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
will these three be attending Chris?
Comment is about Wirral Ode Show Open Mic- Thursday- NEW VENUE (blog)
Original item by Chris Co
Hi Graham: The 'our'in line three is in reference to the 'me and the shoes' (see Yvonne ;o) )Tommy
Comment is about She lies sleeping (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Laura thank you for your comment. I agree re 'lays' and 'lies' and its American-ism. Recently I have been in a quandary as to the grammar. So I have lain the issue to the past(participle).
;o)
Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (poet profile)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Tommy this is a really accomplished piece of work. The other grammatical advice is very sound, also are there two of you? As you say make our way? etc.
Back to the piece though, there is just enough of a story here to want me to know more about her/you etc. Great work.
Regards,
Graham
Comment is about She lies sleeping (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Love the line 'The TV spits into my room'. A powerful indictment of current politics and lifestyles against a backdrop of the innocences and never-changing progress of nature. xx
Comment is about Spring. (blog)
Original item by steve pottinger
from 'the girl who was a virgin' through 'beautiful glass filled with a poison' to 'I am shaking', the tremors of dark sentiments ooze through the lines. This merits several re-reads. XX
Comment is about Day 6 (blog)
Great ending concealing the outcome Did he? Didn't he? I agree with Laura about the simplicity - this is the poem's strength.
Just a word about 'She lays' I'm not sure if you wanted this americanism which is pervading our language. Standard English is 'she lies' We keep 'lays' for eggs and tables etc. xx
Comment is about She lies sleeping (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Wise words as usual Cynthia...
... and as pointed as a needle!
Well done
love it
Gus x
Comment is about Chatting With Ari (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Very uplifting in a downsized sorta way...
well done I enjoyed it.
Gus x
Comment is about A Cup (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
:) quick off the mark our kid! ;D
(there's a surplus 'r' in 'stirrs' on the last line too)
Comment is about She lies sleeping (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Intriguing title, some really good lines in this (under thick blankets/single glass of wine/beautiful glass...loads more), and like Tommy's new piece, lends itself to interpretation wonderfully.
Fragility reigns...I'd like to hear this read out, in a totally silent room
Comment is about Day 6 (blog)
Wow - this is another great piece Tommy. I like how it seems to mirror somehow 'He said' but not quite...almost like a parallel universe. Again you have the simplicity, that lends itself as Win says to maximum interpretation.
Not sure you need those hyphens for the 'at what I've left behind' line though.
Comment is about She lies sleeping (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Ta for the comment- :o)
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
''Cheers Win-stone mah sahn''
Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)
Original item by Winston Plowes
I shiver at the word Anne.
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
You make me blush with your praise Laura.
And sorted those pesky hyphens- gratis-Tommy (hehe)
...ah-ray Laura-I need to have my foir-gras!
PS who is this 'BoB' person anyway?
Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
beautiful.
Comment is about Charlotte Henson (photo)
Hi Anne. I copy and paste it all from my phone, and for some reason it cuts out the paragraphs. I'll fix it soon enough when I find a pc to use. I enjoy reading your poems, Anne. Thanks for your advice.
Gareth
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
There are some great images:- 'walls of hollow words' 'The tenderness of dreams inked on deskwood.'
As Harry says the description is not of an inspiring person but rather a dried-up, unfulfilled shell of a person and the format of unrhymed lines reinforces this perception.Nice one.XX
Comment is about The Schoolmistress (blog)
Original item by Nick Coleman
Isobel
Thu 19th Apr 2012 13:32
You paint a good snap shot here Gus and set a sorry mood. There are plenty of things that can take your smile away in life, beyond the weather, n'est-ce pas? It's the best imagery I've ever come across for portraying it though.
I liked the idea of the smile as a tangible thing that you could pick up and drop.
Hope the grown up you is smiling. x
Comment is about The Stolen Smile (blog)
Original item by Gus Jonsson