Really good villanelle, Ian. The repetitions drop in perfectly with the sense of the poem.
I find the rhythm of "returned" a bit of a hiccup.
Comment is about Home By Christmas (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Hi Isobel,
Thank you for your comments on my Brevette Poems(Second Edition). I don't necessarily believe the poems I wrote. The original was a writing challenge for a Christian newsletter. But I try to keep a positive outlook. Sometimes this does not work. LOL!
Comment is about Isobel (poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Hello John,
Thank you for your comments on my Brevette Poems (Second Edition). The original one was a writing challenge. M.C. Newberry suggested the fourth poem. I don't write as much as I used to but I keep trying.
Thanks,
Shirley
Comment is about John Coopey (poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Hello Dominic
Thank you for your comments on my Brevette Poems(Second Edition)
The original set was a writing challenge. M.C. Newberry suggested a fourth poem. I don't write a lot but it's fellow poets like you that inspire me.
Thanks,
Shirley
Comment is about Dominic James (poet profile)
Original item by Dominic James
Another witty take on modern life from this reliable
source.
And one can only wonder about the reasons for the
EU action. Surely nothing to do with its own
activities and being unwilling to be financially
scrutinised by accountants?!!
Comment is about Google Never Forgets (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
I might text Ian I did the fest last year. Yea bit of a low profile of late. Have posted a new poem yesterday though. Catch you soon I heard you were on in Wigan and may get to Tudor soon
Comment is about Ian Whiteley (poet profile)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
I'm good Richard thank you - haven't seen you for a while - have our paths failed to cross or are you keeping a low profile :-) - I'm at the Cadence festival afternoon in June and going to Bolton on Sunday - are you at either of those?
Comment is about Richard Alfred (poet profile)
Original item by Richard Alfred
Really like the parting missed this somehow. Cool
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
good choice Dave,
I love the moose, she sure is plain.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Succinct :)
Comment is about BETTER K/NOT. (blog)
Love it! Especially love the last verse and line - very subtle - nothing wrong with YOUR metaphors :)
Comment is about On Task (blog)
Original item by CathyLCrabb
thanks for the comment on 'under the bridge' harry - it is a type of person I can't abide - the troll - dregs of humanity - hope that came across loud and clear in the narrative - cheers
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Fabulous, fast and funny, and gut-wrenching in its truth. I often wonder if men really do 'get it'. Surely some must.
Comment is about On Task (blog)
Original item by CathyLCrabb
There are so many known 'personalities' under severe scrutiny at the moment, I'm not sure which one is the 'target'; but that may be a good thing. The poem has a universality in it that might be spoiled by a specific allusion. The final two lines are really sharp.
You poke insightful barbs at societal inconsistencies really well.
Comment is about Plausible deniability (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Your innate skill for unusual associations and outstanding imagery continues, ever, it seems, more polished than the last poem. 'the navy scurry of office legs' and 'pinned folklore' are corkers. And the sound quality throughout is really breathtaking. As is the sustained mood, highlighted by the precise use of 'terrible', in 'the terrible bird'.
As 'biro' was about six years ago,'lacuna' is one of those 'in' words these days. Your usage is challenging.
I can see why commas were integral.
Comment is about Raven (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Travis Brow
Wed 14th May 2014 07:19
I'm presuming 'fall' in the last line, refers to the season? I like the concision of this piece - it has the restraint and depth of a haiku. The contrast of the American 'fall' and the more English 'pavement' is indicative of the time you say you spend between New York and London. Short and sweet - nice.
Comment is about Seasons (blog)
Original item by Charlotte
Excellent Richard can feel the struggle, see ya soon Jeff
Comment is about Listless (blog)
Original item by Richard Alfred
Dave,
Those pot-holes are there to break crank-
shafts - not ankles!
Hope you have a speedy recovery back to your beloved walking..
Yvonne and I recovering (slowly - but steadily)
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Hi Dorinda.
I don't have your email address! I know you emailed me once but because I replied rather than created a new email, it mustn't have saved your address.
Lucky for me, people were saying last night how comments posted here go to our inboxes, so I had the brainwave to write here.
Email me at cosgrifflinda1@gmail.com and I'll send you the details.
Linda x
Comment is about Dorinda MacDowell (poet profile)
Original item by Dorinda MacDowell
Thank you, Martin, for your comments! (I wonder if you are the same Martin who attends our Stockport WOL?) Whether you are the very same, or not, thank you so much again!
Dorinda
Comment is about Dorinda MacDowell (poet profile)
Original item by Dorinda MacDowell
Hello Cos,
Welcome to Write Out Loud.
We're really looking forward to reading some of your work. I know that you will be warmly welcomed by fellow WOL-ers on the site.
If you haven’t already added a picture to your profile please try and do so. It’s good to see what our fellow poets look like.
Have a good browse around the site, there’s lots going on and if you have the time make some comments about the work of other poets please feel free. It’s the best way to get some constructive feedback about your own work too.
Any problems, please ask. There’s always someone who’ll get back to you. It’s a friendly place, so welcome once again.
Graham Sherwood
Comment is about Drapetomania (poet profile)
Original item by Drapetomania
Hello Shauna
Welcome to Write Out Loud.
We're really looking forward to reading some of your work. I know that you will be warmly welcomed by fellow WOL-ers on the site.
If you haven’t already added a picture to your profile please try and do so. It’s good to see what our fellow poets look like.
Have a good browse around the site, there’s lots going on and if you have the time make some comments about the work of other poets please feel free. It’s the best way to get some constructive feedback about your own work too.
Any problems, please ask. There’s always someone who’ll get back to you. It’s a friendly place, so welcome once again.
Graham Sherwood
Comment is about Shauna Cornor (poet profile)
Original item by Shauna Cornor
If unsure and very undecided
is itself a vital clue
on the theme that we
have been given to do!
Comment is about Write Out Loud at Stockport art gallery on Monday (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
This sounds like fun. With poems on the London
Underground making poetry widely available to
a travelling public, what a good idea to promote
the equivalent (of a sort) to a shopping public.
Congratulations to Waitrose for this imaginative
in-house concept.
Comment is about Check out Roger McGough's poems at Waitrose, and have a go yourself (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
<Deleted User> (9882)
Mon 12th May 2014 09:38
nice to see you back on Jean.Have you heard about painting by numbers?I tried it but all the numbers were zero's-lol! ;)
Comment is about ODE TO DYLAN (blog)
Original item by jean lucy thompson
yer kinda got carried away there Andy just seemed to go on and on :)
Comment is about Death's Journey (blog)
Original item by jean lucy thompson
thanx solar not my painting btw :(
Comment is about ODE TO DYLAN (blog)
Original item by jean lucy thompson
Hi Harry. Thanks for the wishes. The fracture occurred while walking down a public road AFTER a hill walk. I rolled my foot into one of the many potholes, heard a crack and that was that. How are you?
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Dave,
Sorry to hear about the ankle (was it the
hill walking?) Hope it gets better soon.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Ged,
Like the combination of wisdom and age in the title.
Comment is about The philosopher in the antique shop (blog)
Original item by Ged Thompson
Tom
A woman who has stared without blenching at the bare arses and jutting tongues of those Maori
warriors in New Zealand would never be afraid
of the innocuous stuff of Eminem.
Comment is about Eminem Ain't Amused (blog)
Original item by Tom Doolan
Very timely,
These guys could menace the very
existence of free expression internet if some way of identifying them is not found.
Like your rhyming Ian (because it points it and
`authorises` it more.)
Comment is about Under The Bridge (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
thanks for the comment on 'digital clock blues' Dave - I like to try my new ones out at the Tudor - gives me an idea whether they're worth using in longer sets. Like your 'woman of Hoy' one - thought it was well put together. hope the ankle's healing nicely ;-)suffering for your art ;-)
Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Harry
thanks for the comment on 'digital clock blues' - yes the rhyme helps in a blues number doesn't it? I hope you're keeping well and have avoided any more stage diving ;-)
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Jeff
thanks for commenting on 'digital clock blues' yes - I guess we've both been there and thankfully learned the lesson - it was cathartic to write
Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)
Original item by Jeffarama!
Tomas
thanks for your kind comments regarding 'grandchildren of the somme' and apologies for taking so long to reply - I'm finding I'm spending less time on WOL than I used to - but that's a kinda good thing because I'm out performing more :-) I need to find a better balance between writing/performing I think. this poem is part of a wider work I'm recording with musical backings to commemorate the great war - it will include a lot of different pieces, but really glad to have obtained permission from the Wilfred Owen society to use a couple of the great mans works in the piece - so watch this space if you like war poetry. thanks once again for commenting - regards - Ian
Comment is about Tomás Ó Cárthaigh (poet profile)
Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh
Cynthia
apologies for late reply - no problem regarding the Waterside - although it would have been good to see you again :-) it was a good night - Jeff Dawson was also on as a guest and we tend to compliment each other quite well. I also enjoyed all the open mic readings and the venue itself. it's one I will definitely be going back to soon, so hope to see you then
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
cheers Dominic - just went back to the thread and had a read of your favourites - interesting and varied - I'm afraid most of mine are either punk/new wave poets or war poets - I don't go for most of that romanticism stuff. I've come to Heaney late - but like him - some of the others are just 1970's/1980's poets that I've stumbled across since school. an interesting topic
Comment is about Dominic James (poet profile)
Original item by Dominic James
hi Ian
interesting poetry choice for the Desert Island, I didn't know Heaney's The Forge. Reminded me of an old favourite of his that I might have included:
Whitby-sur-Moyala
Caedmon too I was lucky to have known,
Back in situ there with his full bucket
And armfuls of clean straw, the perfect yardman,
Unabsorbed in what he had to do
But doing it perfectly, and watching you.
He had worked his angel stint. He was hard as nails
And all that time he’d been poeting with the harp
His real gift was the big ignorant roar
He could still let out of him, just bogging in
As if the sacred subjects were a herd
That had broken out and needed rounding up.
I never saw him once with his hands joined
Unless it was a case of eyes to heaven
And the quick sniff and test of fingertips
After he’d passed them through a sick beast’s water.
Oh, Caedmon was the real thing all right.
Comment is about Ian Whiteley (poet profile)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Hi Dorinda
Just read your poem about dancing before God. Fantastic, keep on dancing.!
Comment is about Dorinda MacDowell (poet profile)
Original item by Dorinda MacDowell
You've really nailed my good side.
Comment is about John Coopey (photo)
Wow, thanks for the plug, Greg. Nice to bump into you again for the catch-up.
The thanks goes, as you indicate, to Rose and Alan who continue to organise the event.
Comment is about The Spoken Word, York: Here's to 100 more open mic nights (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hello Colin
Welcome to Write Out Loud.
We're really looking forward to reading some of your work. I know that you will be warmly welcomed by fellow WOL-ers on the site.
If you haven’t already added a picture to your profile please try and do so. It’s good to see what our fellow poets look like.
Have a good browse around the site, there’s lots going on and if you have the time make some comments about the work of other poets please feel free. It’s the best way to get some constructive feedback about your own work too.
Any problems, please ask. There’s always someone who’ll get back to you. It’s a friendly place, so welcome once again.
Graham Sherwood
Comment is about Colin 'wordrabbit' Davies (poet profile)
Original item by Colin 'wordrabbit' Davies
Travis Brow
Thu 15th May 2014 07:07
A reflection of my ambivalence, my equivocation, and/or my fear and cowardice.
Comment is about BETTER K/NOT. (blog)