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Isobel

Fri 1st Oct 2010 08:40

The explanations for your poems always leave me thinking 'oh'...

They seem like an elaborate set up to lead people down the wrong path. Had you chosen a male doctor perhaps we wouldn't have all jumped to the wrong conclusions. And perhaps Measles, Mumps or Chickenpox would have been a better guess than Sex and Death - or genital herpes even...

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Greg Freeman

Fri 1st Oct 2010 08:29

Great way to kick off October, Ray! This is funny and thoughtful and moving too, with a real story. "From here to maternity" is a great line, but the one about Bob Dylan made me laugh, too. I think I had an earnest conversation with my lad about cricket when he first slithered out, as I remember.

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Francine

Fri 1st Oct 2010 00:15

Félicitations Anthony !
'lifelines' est un très beau poème... Isobel a bien choisi : )

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Lynn Dye

Thu 30th Sep 2010 21:45

Thank you Larisa and Cate. Wrote this one for fun really. xxx

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Ray Miller

Thu 30th Sep 2010 20:59

I'm back again. That line "to allow flood waters to drain" I stumbled at once more. It's the repetition of "to" I don't like. So here's my clever suggestion - "to let flood waters drain" with the extra allusion to blood letting.Good?

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Jessie Alpal

Thu 30th Sep 2010 19:17

aaah well now im confused about how to improve it, i think it will need to be left and looked at with fresh eyes at a later date.

Thank you for all the lovely comments though, its nice to get such a response after not posting for so long!

Linda - hank you for commenting. I was hoping that the poem would put across the sense of helplessness, self-loathing and loneliness that someone with a major depressive illness may feel and the title , as cynthia asked, is about the invisibility and worthlessness - feeling like you are noone. I dont know if you were able to feel that even if you didnt see it as being about a mental illness (in the form of a depressive illness, it defiently does not cover mental health in general) and if not do you have any suggestions of how else I could have made it clearer?


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Ray Miller

Thu 30th Sep 2010 19:03

Is this as rude as I think it is?

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Ray Miller

Thu 30th Sep 2010 19:01

Hello Anna.What I noticed about this is how much stronger the rhyming lines are than the remainder. What that indicates I don't know. Maybe make all lines rhyming ones?

Comment is about To the man who splashed me with a puddle this morning (blog)

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Dave Bradley

Thu 30th Sep 2010 18:51

Hi Laura

Thanks for coming back and explaining your take on the knotty question of allusions. There's no right answer is there. One thing that is troubling though is that some people fill their work with allusions because they are well read and love what they read - which I think is true of you. Others do it to show off. How to tell the difference?

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 30th Sep 2010 18:20

Where did she go to my lovely? Enjoying her ill gotten gains is my guess! Maybe she swapped a life on the streets for the balenciaga bag & “fuck me” shoes (love that phrase} St Anthony must have looked down on worse things than her lost innocence Im thinking.
Cate xx

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 30th Sep 2010 18:15

Second chances are never the same are they? Once the rose tints are removed, the "picking your nose" and the beery "pong" are no longer all that cute or in any way acceptable!
This amused me Lynn
Cate xx

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 17:33

Thanks Laura - hey, that sounds like fun. Glug glug glug toilet glug glug toilet glug toilet glug toilet toilet glug toilet stagger home. We should do it!

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 17:31

Thanks Cate for your comments. Yeah, I used yesterday to rework that poem significantly and that's the key I think - just spending more time on the arrangement. Time - something we rarely allow ourselves to just think and slow down a bit!

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Sean Kavanagh

Thu 30th Sep 2010 16:59

Hi Cynthia, Sean here, believe you wanted to get in touch. Haven't had an email. Try phoming the number on the website if you have a problem. Cheers, Sean.

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Sean Kavanagh

Thu 30th Sep 2010 16:55

Hi Cynthia. Haven't received an email. Cybergremlins at work I think. I'll email the adress in your profile

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 30th Sep 2010 16:30

Sean, I sent you an email about coming to the Hebden Bridge weekend. Will you please let me know if you received it? My laptop has gone bonkers since I sent it. I used the link in the article. Cynthia

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Laura Taylor

Thu 30th Sep 2010 14:17

Ha! Weird. I posted a comment on Jefferama's latest piece, which had to do with me being incurably nosy and examining the living rooms of those people who leave their curtains open wide :D :D I LOVE this!

Oh, btw, hello, and I'm glad you enjoyed my I-Museum :)

I think I might have seen you perform in the Tudor actually, not that long ago. Anyhoo - cheers, for this poem (which makes me feel like less of a nosy mare), and for your post on mine.

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Greg Freeman

Thu 30th Sep 2010 12:56

Thanks as always for your comments on Tomboy, Cynthia. I really like the mood of Martini on the Rocks. I thought the lake must be in North America, but then remembered the fish and chips, and thought, maybe Lake District?

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Greg Freeman

Thu 30th Sep 2010 12:52

You paint a fine picture of dusk and serenity, Cynthia. I love the stillness of it

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Laura Taylor

Thu 30th Sep 2010 12:12

Thanks again folks

Antonionionionionio - I don't usually say, but yeh, it would be the English version. If I was angry, it'd be 'pissed off', eh? And that'd NEVER work ;p

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Laura Taylor

Thu 30th Sep 2010 12:08

Mmmm...I like this too. In fact, what you describe in that last stanza is exactly what I describe in the first line of one of mine. About how creativity, when it comes to a person, feels like a waterfall, feels like it's already there, just waiting to fall through us. This sums up pretty much how I feel about it :) This is a subject I would like to talk more about, preferably over a pint or 5 :D

Comment is about Thought waves (blog)

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 30th Sep 2010 11:56

I really like this one A,it has a feeling of timelesness and continuity about it, that, like Andy says almost has a spiritual feel about it. It is quite different from some of your previous stuff and great to see you branching out, as it were, and expanding your style.
Cate xx

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 30th Sep 2010 11:50

Hard to read this without the "frission of fear" also hitting reader too. A powerful portrayal of an emotional moment in life.
Cate xx

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Cate Greenlees

Thu 30th Sep 2010 11:45

A beautiful little poem. Economic but well structured and saying a lot in such a little.
Cate xx

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:55

Inequality exists because we allow and even celebrate this kind of selfishness and greed in this country - or rather, the mainstream press and media and their billionaire paymasters do! Most people are more like you and just want fairness and tolerance - but despite having the numbers, we don't have the power!

Comment is about Us and Them (blog)

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:51

I like the ambiguity of 'pissed' - either the American or English meaning would work. I suspect tho that as we're in England, it's the English meaning, which is the funnier of the two...!

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:44

I think aggressive jaywalking is best -= scare the c**p out of those drivers in their safe little cocoons!

Comment is about To the man who splashed me with a puddle this morning (blog)

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David Franks

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:39

I like your poetry, Gemma - saying something with trad metre and rhyme. David.

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:38

Ah - a nice fantasy, Larisa - or is it true?!! It's OK, you don't have to say in public :)

Comment is about It is so good..... (blog)

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:29

Thanks Francine - thanks Andy - this is a poem i did about a week ago and have since chopped and changed q a lot - I enjoyed transforming it into something shorter and less obvious than the first draft!

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Antonionioni

Thu 30th Sep 2010 10:27

I enjoyed this a lot - humorous and acutely observed too about how we think and behave!

Comment is about A List of Words I Couldn't Say To You (blog)

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Andy N

Thu 30th Sep 2010 09:53

does have a buddhism feel to this piece for me, tone - seems a bit different to some of your other stuff to me... nice one

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Greg Freeman

Thu 30th Sep 2010 08:51

Hi Isobel. So glad you enjoyed Tomboy. I think you're pretty much spot-on on the way you read it. It came out of a chance encounter with a childhood friend on the train few years ago. She recognised me first, then launched into this "guns and roses" recollection which took me aback. She also supplied the "rifle under the bed" line which was so good I felt I had to try and build a poem around it. I do see her as strong, not weak. She was shy and quiet and became a single mother in her teens, but was confident and settled and moving up north - and a grandma!- when I saw her on the train.

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Greg Freeman

Thu 30th Sep 2010 08:00

No, Ann, Tomboy is not about the missus! I think she's strong - and, yes, there is quite a lot of truth in it.

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Francine

Wed 29th Sep 2010 23:25

This has such a tranquil feel to it... Et c'est philosophiquement vrai ; )
Lovely photo too.

Comment is about Thought waves (blog)

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Antonionioni

Wed 29th Sep 2010 23:01

Hi Larisa! I like the honesty and the hope despite the disappointment expressed. The heart is of course really our private feelings and sometimes we show them and sometimes we don't - but we can still write about them and this is touchingly done here! x

Comment is about Don't Touch My Heart! (Biting the bullet) (blog)

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Antonionioni

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:56

Hi Larisa - am having technical troubles tonight so I hope you get this message! Thanx for your comment. In case I can't comment on your poem underneath the poem, this is just to let you know that I read it and liked it!! x

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:54

Lynn! You are my dear! It's just my style and the poem made me smile. Enjoyed reading it. With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Read My Lips (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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Antonionioni

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:50

Thanks v much Larisa - yes she is - this picture is three years old now!
PS - Am having trouble tonight with the internet so apologies if I can't comment as quickly as I'd like x

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:36

Thank you, dear Lynn.

Comment is about Don't Touch My Heart! (Biting the bullet) (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Jeff Dawson

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:31

As I said on f-book, really like this and the nice twist at the end, look forward to performing it with you at Guitar n Verse next week! Thanx for comment on Night Drive.

Comment is about Biting the Bullet (blog)

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Lynn Dye

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:30

There, I knew I wouldn't forget you!! Signed from the loose woman. xxx

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Olga Gerke

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:26

thnx 4 your comment, Tony! Yes, you put it nicely, something of that kind. X

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Olga Gerke

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:25

the image is called "dragon egg" :-)

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:19

Beautiful, just beautiful poem, Tony! And it's so true: "thinking and writing aren't science". I would say that reading is a science, even an art.
With warmest wishes, Larisa
PS Beautiful picture. Is it you with your daughter?

Comment is about Thought waves (blog)

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Antonionioni

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:14

Hi Olga - I like the portrayal of the dilemmas of chance and time and what it can do to us as we ask unanswerable questions

Comment is about New evolution (blog)

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Lynn Dye

Wed 29th Sep 2010 22:02

I like this poem, Larisa. And thank you for your kind comments on "Us and Them". Warmest wishes, Lynn xx

Comment is about Don't Touch My Heart! (Biting the bullet) (blog)

Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Andy N

Wed 29th Sep 2010 21:55

already commented on your poem on facebook.. what's the image off by your mum? i like it, not sure what it is thou... x

Comment is about New evolution (blog)

Original item by Olga Gerke

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 29th Sep 2010 21:48

Good evening Bernadette-hope all is ok with you-hope to see you soon-best regards-Stef-xx

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Lynn Dye

Wed 29th Sep 2010 21:17

Hi Paddy, thank you for your kind comments on "Us and Them". Really enjoyed your sample and Clifftop Flowers too.

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