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Graham Sherwood

Wed 28th Apr 2010 21:01

Some lovely juicy (sorry) lines in this one Isobel. I love the thought of boy scouts jobbing or robbing and bald heads in damp beds and the sticky £5 note.
By the way is the last word a misspelt mushroom. Bravo!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 21:00

Visceral images which are hard to consider, but necessary to remember. Well done.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:56

Forceful and provoking, in a racy casual style.

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Dave Carr

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:42

This is great. Full of literary connections for me. I'm sure I've missed some.

Comment is about behind a dark moon (blog)

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Dave Carr

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:32

Left me sobbing

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:20

This is terrific - really thought provoking. The ideas, diction and images are outstanding - especially 'I'm destroyed by culture'. Great title. By the way, 'criticised' on WOL generally means 'noticed/considered/commented upon', nothing negative.

Comment is about Facade of broken smiles (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:15

What a powerful story you weave, true or not, almost the element of tragedy - preventable disaster.

Comment is about Crying In Your Wedding Dress (blog)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:08

The tone is very bitter, but the scenario is too true, and the poetry itself is really good.

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David Cooke

Wed 28th Apr 2010 19:23

Hi Cate Thanks for your kind comments about the poem. Glad you like it.

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Ray Miller

Wed 28th Apr 2010 19:07

Ann, thanks for your kind remarks on Analgesic. I'm not a smoker myself for 20 years. I do feel, though, that the focus on smoking has gone over the top. I think it's a form of displacement; we'd do far better to restrict the use of the motor car.Wine is the most wonderful thing in the world. Apart from football.

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Ray Miller

Wed 28th Apr 2010 19:02

Hello Joseph and thanks for your kind remarks on Analgesic. Glad you liked it.

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Cate Greenlees

Wed 28th Apr 2010 18:10

I would say this Haiku is bob on Isobel!!
Cate xx

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Louise Fazackerley

Wed 28th Apr 2010 17:22

John Darwin was there-doing a fabulous set too! But not sure what happened to the pic...

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Steven Kenny

Wed 28th Apr 2010 16:35

Hi Kealan! Thanks for your comment on Scream, glad you appreciated it! I just hope Alan Moore doesn't sue me! :-)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 14:56

Of course you can Marianne! xx

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Wed 28th Apr 2010 14:54

I love this! Can I borrow this when I run around cemeteries at midnight in midsummer pretending to be Kate Bush??!
"An angels wroth the deaths head moth" is such a joy to say.

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 14:47

I like this too.

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Wed 28th Apr 2010 14:46

I can relate to this...powerful stuff.

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Wed 28th Apr 2010 14:46

I am quite a fan of your work.
This, to me, says so much of loss and abandonement,and nostalgia for a time that you can never have again, so perfectly in so very few words.
Excellent.

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kealan coady

Wed 28th Apr 2010 12:59

i really understand this poem, you dont need an army for a war it can all take place within one persons mind. the ending is perfect, conveying the constant circle of dissapointment that is life. You didnt try any complex metaphors which worked well because what you are saying here is profound enough. good work

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Isobel

Wed 28th Apr 2010 12:27

Yes - I am lucky that I don't put weight on easily, despite eating everything that's bad for me. I do have a definite marsh mallow bottom though - thankfully the pics on here never show that!
Re the male body - you and me both on that score! LOL

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Rachel Bond

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:58

you wouldnt catch me in a wedding dress...i just wrote a little scenario about a bride spilling red wine on her dress on someone elses comments....theyre interesting images/symbols those dresses eh?..infused with so much meaning...

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:51

Thank you :D

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:49

Thanks for your kind and funny comments on Marshmallow. You always look very slender in your pics on here. As to writing about the male physique, I can't remember what one looks like! If you see what I mean!

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:48

Isobel you always look very slender in your pics on here. As to writing about the male physique, I can't remember what one looks like! If you see what I mean! Better keep eating salad though or the follow up will be called Blancmange!!! Heheheheh!

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:44

Yes, and disrespect them and autisitic spectrum is brill too. I don't like the first verse as much as the rest. You seem to get more of a swing going by the second verse. Also I guess I am pretty much against smoking (smacked wrist for me then - esp as I drink wine on occasion!)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:41

Sort of lean, direct, not too many words, says it all in a few very well chosen words, er, um . . elegant too. Looks good on the page as well. That do 'ya? ;-)

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:28

Aha! Technically I don't go to school, but it wasn't so long ago :)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:20

I thought you WERE a schoolboy! (Just kiddin')!

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:05

The ending left me snickering like a schoolboy! Great celebration of the female figure, curvy women of stick thin any day!

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:02

I really enjoyed reading this, your rhymes are fantastic, and some of the words you use are brilliant. Neurosis and notice! Brilliant

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 08:58

I knew the culture line would get criticised, I literally could not think of anything to go there, it bothered me. Thanks for your feedback :)

Ann- what do you mean by spare?
:)

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Ray Miller

Wed 28th Apr 2010 07:43

Nice descriptions, has an "all at once" feel, which is presumably your intent."worm casted grassland"-what's that then?bottled toothache is good and the ending is fine...

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 07:24

Spare and very good.

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Ray Miller

Wed 28th Apr 2010 07:15

I like this, "a set of lips curling at the corners" is a strong image. I should think you don't need a comma after lips.Facade and arched is a nice rhyme. The weak point is "I'm destroyed by culture" which is vague after some arresting images.

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Kenneth Eaton-Dykes

Wed 28th Apr 2010 00:15

Hi Ann. Thanks for the advice. I managed to sort the format out. on that latest blog.Cheers. Your ever grateful nephew. Ken.x

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Banksy

Tue 27th Apr 2010 23:36

Hi Max - chapbooks - at the risk of boring you stiff with my opinions, I'll give it a shot anyway & hope you dont take offence. Excepting folks like eg JK Rowling, the average writer makes an annual income of £8K pa whereas the average pay for a Teacher of creative writing is around £40K pa - depressing yes? Poets BTW earn way way below that of the average writer. If you want some advice ?? here it is. My business turnover is ~ £1 million (which these days is not a lot) but we are just opening a new factory as well in the US & expanding out into Europe. We've been going 22 yrs. We work in an extremely small niche market which, to me at any rate, is the way to go these days. You dont want an enterprise where you have a lot of competition. I dont know what your other interests & strengths are, but I would think hard about what you are passionate or at least very knowledgeable about & do that. A guy who worked for me left to make handmade plastic chesspieces - er, no - the chinese can do that for 100th of the price. If you were talented & maybe doing them in solid gold... maybe a different matter. Another thing is that if you watch dragons den everyone thinks you need a bank/investor loan of £100K which is bollocks - I started off with nothing & built very slowly. The hard part is having the idea - it does not need to be a new invention, but you do need to specialize - and be aware that working for yourself is very hard work indeed, but can also pay way better than working for anyone else. for example - my brother in law prints & sells unique/arty Tshirts on the net from london & makes about £30K - not great but easy to do & not too shabby money-wise. I'm just trying to reiterate that publishing poetry is not the route to riches - unless you can maybe think of a unique way of doing it?? I hope I've not bored you too much. all the best. B

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Kenneth Eaton-Dykes

Tue 27th Apr 2010 23:35

Hi Ann. I didn't intend it to be in one great lump, just the way it turned out after pasting.Anyway it's nice to find I have a surviving relative.Great Aunts are very thin on the ground at my age. Ken.X








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Banksy

Tue 27th Apr 2010 23:01

a chapbook is a cheap small book (paperback generally upto ~ A5). Max - IMHO - a very noble ambition as everyone wants to be in print, but there are hundreds of other chapbook printers & none of them makes any money (except maybe the con-artist vanity publishers). I dont want to discourage you from your plan, but, joking aside, you'll make more money flipping burgers at McDonalds. Just my 2 cents. Sincerely - all the best.B

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 27th Apr 2010 21:54

Hello Alison, I've kept coming back to this and keep waiting for some other feedback to see if they agree with my thoughts. No luck so here goes.
I found occasional rhyming a bit hard to get my teeth around (sure more, shade glade etc) when other lines didn't. Your feelings of lightheadedness balance nicely with the lofty subject matter too.It's clever work. I imagine the photo is preciously relevant but I think it takes away from the writing. Keep it going Alison.

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 27th Apr 2010 21:47

Hello Sian, so good to see you back and with yet another strong piece. This provoked in me a more performance feel to it. Are you going to do it?
Alliterations are effective, and your angst about your observations is very apparent. Graham

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Banksy

Tue 27th Apr 2010 20:32

ay lass, tha's reet - if we all had a good gawp every now an then t'world'd be a much better place. just off fer me tripe & whippets...

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Matthew Sergison-Main

Tue 27th Apr 2010 20:18

Thanks Ann, very kind. I love the word cinnabar, only found it writing this one.

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 27th Apr 2010 20:16

Intriguing, and nice to see you back again! I love the use of the names of the pigments. Lovely language! x

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 27th Apr 2010 20:11

Sometimes one needs a good gawp! xx

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Isobel

Tue 27th Apr 2010 20:10

I'm glad you cleared that one up Ann, LOL. Very sensuous, as Francine says. I love any celebration of the proper feminine curvy form - about time men tried to see this perspective. Let's banish all these anorexic stick creatures.What a super analogy marsh mallow makes - you can just imagine falling into it.
Now write me one about the male form please - and do make it snappy! xx

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Dave Bradley

Tue 27th Apr 2010 19:12

Thanks for commenting Greg. The world has so many beautiful and/or characterful bridges. In just Britain, Clifton, Erskine, Severn, Ironbridge, Menai, Forth, Humber, Gateshead,Ribblehead, Tyne etc. plus practically any canal bridge and most small rural bridges. And that's just the UK. But the poem is about more than just stone/bricks. I really liked your St Leonards Church.

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kealan coady

Tue 27th Apr 2010 18:15

dedicated catholic? im certainly not, i was comparing modern israeli imerialism to the foreign policy of the roman empire during jesus' time.

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 27th Apr 2010 16:39

Really beautiful Marianne. "Name me in your heart" such a great line. Is it a plea, an instruction, an order? I wonder!

Comment is about The Birthday Comb (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Rachel Bond

Tue 27th Apr 2010 14:37

oh my marianne...sharp intakes of breath later..this is perfect,

He sweeps her feet and tastes the walk, and shirks the woe wide, and with a voice like crystals drowning, he beguiles:
"Your heart is my heart."

and after all that talk of greying rivers..

only women write the true romances...

Comment is about The Birthday Comb (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

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