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Harry O'Neill

Tue 12th May 2015 00:33

Dave,
I put down the list (from a newspaper) as an example of the desperate promises that were made to win 11an election which has both surprised and (I think) left the winners in a state of consternation (they were hoping that - even if they won - then their alliance partner would stop them carrying out half of it.)

Concerning austerity: there hasn`t been any of it yet...
all those people who have been forced back into work are probably on in-work benefits, and productivity (which was so important in my trade union days) is as flabby as a Sumo wrestlers belly. All of which doesn`t augur well for a trade-led recovery.

The oil-price collapse - which looks so handy -might be hiding an impending slowdown of the world economy.
To be talking about leaving the protective European Union at such a time seems to me to be sheer lunacy.

Concerning the hunching my shoulders bit:... The fact that the politicians didn`t want to upset the pensioners before an election doesn`t hide the fact that their pensions take a huge slice of government expenditure, nor that the fruits of decades long prosperity sit in their bank-balances like juicy red plums for the taking....It seems to me to be a target too obvious to resist. (well before the next - distant - election)

The huge monster looming over us is that bloody deficit...so watch your wallets folks!

Ken,
I absolutely love living in this country.

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Darren Scanlon

Mon 11th May 2015 23:42

Harry, thanks for you comments and suggestions. I see what you are saying but I'll leave it as it is.

D.

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Harry O'Neill

Mon 11th May 2015 23:00

Darren,

I feel that the last three stanzas of this poem would work more effectively on their own.

Assuming this was so (just three stanzas) I think it would
`run`a bit better with the `if` deleted from line three of the shorter set up and the `now` deleted from line seven.

I feel that this would make a good poem excellent.

(the picture fits it well)

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Stephen Davids

Mon 11th May 2015 19:32

Great picture! Thanks for your coverage, Greg.


It was good to meet you at the Surrey Poetry Festival 2015.

Stephen Davids

Twitter: @swdavids

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Tommy Carroll

Mon 11th May 2015 19:30

I have rewritten this work 3 times. I feel a bit obvious in asking you this, but if you would like my latest version I will be honoured. Tommy

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Nigel Astell

Mon 11th May 2015 16:57

Leather bound poetic spell
You cast yet again
Slave to his mistress
Craves for much more.

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Darren Scanlon

Mon 11th May 2015 16:29

Thanks Michelle.

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Andy N

Mon 11th May 2015 13:32

this is terrible to read and sadly not the first case i have read of this over the past few years. it makes you wonder whether any more in this book are not the author's own work (silly, silly)

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Lynn Hamilton

Mon 11th May 2015 13:12

The fate of those poor people is expressed so well in your last line - Brilliant.

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Michelle

Mon 11th May 2015 11:22

another powerfully observed moment... I really like how like how you do this. M:)

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Michelle

Mon 11th May 2015 11:18

I really like the feeling in the poem. Being beside someone as they die, waiting for the final moment. A great write. M:)

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jan oskar hansen

Mon 11th May 2015 11:00

apology accepted, poets do not forget their poems

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

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Graham Buchan

Mon 11th May 2015 10:44

Sheree Mack's long-winded 'explanation' fails to mention one word: theft.

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

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Carol Fenwick

Mon 11th May 2015 01:24

A lovely poem, a sweet rendition of love

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<Deleted User> (9882)

Sun 10th May 2015 23:45

awwww! this is simple/sweet.I hope its about you two?


True love at its best! x

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Obviously Charming Delinquent

Sun 10th May 2015 23:26

It certainly will! thank you, that's very kind of you both :)

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Carol Fenwick

Sun 10th May 2015 21:09

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for the kind comments, yes, I do write from the heart, and I absolutely love doing so, yet technical stuff is really important too. I see the two as complimenting each other, not as being as opposed as some might.

I love writing and striving to improve is always the way forward.

Thanks for the comments.

Carol

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 10th May 2015 20:51

sorry to be boring,but will WOW! suffice? xx

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 10th May 2015 20:38

Thanks Rose.Yep,will use your clarifying suggestions.

Patricia.xx

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Ell Harry

Sun 10th May 2015 19:33

right now..
thefarmer is dead
love this poetry

http://www.puisiprotes.ga/

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David R Mellor

Sun 10th May 2015 18:14

kindness has died and now five years of real pain

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ken eaton-dykes

Sun 10th May 2015 18:00

Bet you wouldn't live any where else Harry. and you David

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Harry O'Neill

Sun 10th May 2015 16:09

David,
What are you worrying about?...think of the promises they have made.

1...Give the NHS an extra eight million a year by 2020.

2...Extend right to buy scheme to housing association tennants.

3...Build 200,000 starter homes.

4...Take everyone who earns less than £12, 500 out of income tax.

5...Lift minimum wage workers on 30 hours a week out of income tax.

6...Increase the minimum wage to £8 by the end of the decade.

7...Double the free childcare allowance for three and four year olds to 30 hours.

8...No above-inflation rise in rail fares until 2020.

9...Increase the inheritance tax threshhold on family homes to £1million.

10...cut £10billion of red tape.

11...Raise the threshhold for the 40 pence rate of tax to £50,OOO.

12...Lower the benefit cap from £26,000 to £23000.

13...Same-day GP appointments for the elderly and the right to a named GP.

14...Freeze the BBC license fee.

15...Reduce number of M`ps to 600

16...Protect pensioner benefits including free bus passes
and the winter fuel payment.

17...In/out EU referendum in 2017.

18...End any new public subsidy for onshore wind farms,

19...make a decision on expansion of airport capacity.

It`s all in the newspapers. (and pukka!)

And all this at a time when (given the ukip lesson given to the ruing party) we are quite likely to leave Europe and face the growing competition of the huge emerging economies - and the remaining European bloc - all on our petulant little own...at the time when we have really got to get down to reducing that bloody deficit.

I wonder what happened to all that austerity they were talking about?

As a member of the pensioner/NHS-demanding ageing population bloc (that huge consumer of government money) which is also the tempting location of so much of the accumulated wealth of the last few prosperous decades, I - personally - am hunching my shoulders in expectation.

whoever said you couldn`t fool all of the people all of the time?


























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Tommy Carroll

Sun 10th May 2015 14:54

Still waiting : )

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jeremy young

Sun 10th May 2015 12:51

thank you lynn

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Lan

Sun 10th May 2015 10:52

Beautiful, Nat, this one has such an evocative mood, You've really captured that sense of loss x

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Dominic James

Sun 10th May 2015 09:51

Hats off to Ira.

I am surprised Croft pauses to drop this once-pulped Smokestack collection. Bitter indeed to write after poem after poem in the style of, in the manner of, taken from etc.

Recalling last year, the found plagiarists have talent, and it appears a problem in their over-weaning self belief, I can well believe they steal from other work just to build the body of their work then step by step lose sight of their own folly. Unintentional Appropriation: As ever, poetry conjuring up the best writing and the very worst.

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

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<Deleted User> (9882)

Sun 10th May 2015 09:51

oh! those memories Patricia! I get what the gist of what the final three lines are aiming at,but if it read-

'although on one nearing day
in unfortunate circumstances
they might.'

might help to clarify?
love it anyway.x

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Preeti Sinha

Sun 10th May 2015 09:43

Everyone goes thru these but not all can say it so powerfully ! Great Lynn !

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 10th May 2015 09:41

I've read this piece over and over. Thanks for sharing. Just wonderful.

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 10th May 2015 09:18

I love this piece. Thanks for posting

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 10th May 2015 08:55

Again you're welcome Mr Bastard or should that now be Mr Big Ed Bastard? Thank you for your counter comment which was quite unexpected and I too experienced some swelling to the head. x

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 10th May 2015 08:43

This is brilliant. Felt as though I was in the room.

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Lynn Hamilton

Sun 10th May 2015 08:32

Hi Carol. I enjoyed your blog but I do not feel qualified to give any technical opinions. My outlook is just write from the heart and see what comes out and as long as if you enjoy it - do it! Lynn x

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Preeti Sinha

Sun 10th May 2015 08:11

Your posts are so heartfelt. So true. I relate to all you write.

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Sat 9th May 2015 23:23

Thank you, Tommy for the comment. Viva all countries on the globe. Viva love and peace in the whole world. Best wishes, Larisa

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<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 9th May 2015 23:08

Criticism is a double edged sword: we want it - we don't want it. I've been on WOL only a short time but the few conversations I have been involved with have all been extremely useful in helping to develop my own writing. It has also been interesting to see who is writing what. Definitely not personal.

Ka-ching or kerching? The sound of a cash register? The choice is yours. x

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Tommy Carroll

Sat 9th May 2015 23:03

Well posted Larisa. Viva Ukraine viva

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Sat 9th May 2015 22:48

cheers chuck! xx

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Autum Doolin

Sat 9th May 2015 18:46

Yas!!!! thank you tommy !

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Autum Doolin

Sat 9th May 2015 18:45

Travis! I wrote this poem in 8th grade lol im currently 22. I have lived a very emotional life. and i write out my emotions and thoughts and i also know others have felt my feelings before. Thank you so very much tho. I like to keep people interested!

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Carol Fenwick

Sat 9th May 2015 14:39

I am currently editing a children's poetry book which has taken up a lot of time, but when I get the chance I will return to this poem and re-edit then post, might be a number of days though. I really appreciate your feedback, I know that honesty is the best policy, and from experience as a writer it is not good to be too sensitive to criticism especially because it is nearly always not personal I will take a look at your work soon. Good luck with your writing, Colin.

P.S. I am wondering whether if I put kaching instead of kuching would that alter the meaning?

Best wishes, Carol x


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Tommy Carroll

Sat 9th May 2015 14:32

A little bit of anger does you good. I agree Dave.

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Tommy Carroll

Sat 9th May 2015 14:31

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Ben Willems

Sat 9th May 2015 12:41

Cheers Greg - he'll probably go in the Villa end in an Arsenal top with a Spurs flag

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<Deleted User> (9882)

Sat 9th May 2015 12:38

what a result eh!? 'very much hushed' I wonder?
neat piece mateys.x

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Chris Co

Sat 9th May 2015 10:56

To be clear. She doesn't take the begining and/or end line, she takes the lot!

Come on, let's not afford excuses here. This is not the kind of mistake that comes of writing exercises or workshops. This is whoesale. We need to smell the coffee!

How hard would it be for someone to copy a poets entire work in this manner. Same ideas, same structure, same language, doing nothing more than trading out a few words via a thesaurus, or swapping the position of the odd line. Seriously, c'mon?

To believe that this is a non stop series of mistakes and coincidences is, well, it is frankly ludicrous! The sheer odds, statistically speaking would be staggering.

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

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<Deleted User> (6895)

Sat 9th May 2015 09:41

great poem David.Space and silence are essential when writing poetry.xx

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Ira Lightman

Sat 9th May 2015 09:34

I've decided to remove my Facebook update. Here is all the evidence

Riddle
by VICKI FEAVER

Without you, I prefer the nights;
the darkness inside me

like the darkness around. All day
I am alone with my emptiness:

a white space, with nothing to feed it
but light and shadow.

My claw feet can’t follow you.
I have no voice to call you.

I only know you are near by scents -
orange oil, or lavender - and by a heat

that creeps up my cold skin
and tells me I will feel again

the weight of your body. You have no idea
how wonderful it is to hold you,

to have you lie so still, so happy.
When you move, I hear a whoosh

and you touch me in so many places
I’m trembling and tingling.

It’s spoiled by fear of your going.
Sometimes, I pretend I’m a cradle

for you to sleep in - but you always wake;
or a womb - but you still escape,

leaping out and leaving me.
So next time you come, I’ll be a coffin

filled with chilling water
in which you will stay for ever.

Elise
by SHEREE MACK

You touch me in so many places
I’m left trembling and tingling.

Yet, those feelings are marred by fear.
Without you, I prefer the nights;

the darkness all around, no moon,
is like the darkness inside of me.

All day there are others around me,
but I am alone with my emptiness.

I know you are near by your scent -
polished mahogany, molasses, and by the heat

that creeps up my black skin
and reminds me to feel again,

the weight of your body on mine.
You have no idea how glorious

it is to be chosen by you,
to be held by you.

I have no voice to call you.
I have no right to love you.

Yet, I want to keep you.

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=LvYVBgAAQBAJ&pg=PA53&lpg=PA53&dq=%22touch+me+in+so+many+places%22&source=bl&ots=szaJLn4rvA&sig=MzowAr9H9qvA2TvBPbqoYCzeO7Y&hl=en&sa=X&ei=4URKVfPyGcL3UsKIgcAK&ved=0CCcQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=%22touch%20me%20in%20so%20many%20places%22&f=false

with Vicki Feaver
https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=w1irHNmw12AC&pg=PT38&lpg=PT38&dq=%22have+no+voice+to+call+you%22&source=bl&ots=ZAJqvZn0zm&sig=d47iKbTX3QFRyV2-K6iHGIm98MY&hl=en&sa=X&ei=HwZJVZXcLcLZavbagOAD&ved=0CCUQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=%22have%20no%20voice%20to%20call%20you%22&f=false

and 3 borrows heavily from Ellen Phethean’s Let Down, for which the publisher and Sheree make apology on the book’s website

The Men of Success Village (p.46)

strongly resembles Douglas Dunn, The Men of Terry Street
https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=QtjHIy5WU7AC&pg=PA97&lpg=PA97&dq=%22masculine+invisibility%22+poem&source=bl&ots=wyieUqaalC&sig=o7p1Yh6855Fled7QXAgIyqewM_I&hl=en&sa=X&ei=fCNJVe2DIYL9UqOYgZgJ&ved=0CCEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=%22masculine%20invisibility%22%20poem&f=false

Men of Terry Street
by DOUGLAS DUNN

They come in at night, leave in the early morning.
I hear their footsteps, the ticking of bicycle chains,
Sudden blasts of motorcycles, whimpering of vans.
Somehow I am either in bed, or the curtains are drawn.

This masculine invisibility makes gods of them,
A pantheon of bots and overalls.
But when you see them, home early from work
Or at their Sunday leisure, they are too tired

And bored to look long at comfortably.
It hurts to see their faces, too sad of too jovial.
They quicken their step at the smell of cooking,
They hold up their children and sing to them.

The Men of Success Village
by SHEREE MACK

They go out at night, come back early in the morning.
You hear their footsteps, the tinkling of bottles;
sudden blasts of calypso music, whining of dirty mas.
Somehow you are either in bed, or at the table, waiting.

This masculine invisibility makes good of them,
a phantom of bare feet and string vests.
But when you see them, home early from work
or at Sunday church, they are too tired,

bent, longing for rest and peace.
You hurt to see their faces, too sad or too large.
At the smell of cooking they quicken their step
They hold their children at arms-length and chastise.

Lives wasting and smoking in the dark.

The Den (p54) strongly resembles Ellen Phethean’s The Box.

The last line of Social Unrest (p55)

Social Unrest

BY SHEREE MACK

....
as he is thrown into the gap, heaped and washed away.

http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/CITN/citn57.htm

is exactly the same as Tim Liardet’s

http://www.arsint.com/2007/t_l_8.html

Static Rain in Maraval (p56)

BY SHEREE MACK

Rain waits inside us for a door to open.
Rain is heavy like full-moon lips carrying midnight.
Rain is an utterance made from broken pebbles.
Rain is that village girl who was
molested by an uncle on her way home
from school, crossing the lone cocoa hills
for a shortcut.
A variety of life and lies, looking for she -
a mahogany tipped breast
catching honey smeared raindrops. Static.
It was March, a time of blossom and damp stars.
She dripped in and out of memory for fifty years.
Rain steals everything but our secrets.
should be compared to

Larson's Holstein Bull

BY JIM HARRISON

Death waits inside us for a door to open.
Death is patient as a dead cat.
Death is a doorknob made of flesh.
Death is that angelic farm girl
gored by the bull on her way home
from school, crossing the pasture
for a shortcut. In the seventh grade
she couldn't read or write. She wasn't a virgin.
She was "simpleminded," we all said.
It was May, a time of lilacs and shooting stars.
She's lived in my memory for sixty years.
Death steals everything except our stories.

layered with phrases from M. Nourbese Philip e.g. “variety of life and lies”:
http://www.tdx.cat/bitstream/handle/10803/1660/TESIALONSO.pdf.txt?sequence=2

Mother to Mother (p59)

in its opening verse

Mother to Mother

BY SHEREE MACK

In the sun’s lazy breath at day-fade,
in the seagulls’ plummeting cry,
in my bulging belly and creaking joints
memory calls me
to the sifted flour and poured milk,
to the tossed salt over her shoulder
seeping into the folds of the wind.

She bared her stomach to the full moon
to ensure that it was a boy this time.
She drank a bottle of caster oil to ease me
from between her legs.
She knew the hunger of green,
the words for washing away ants
and when to prepare for the time of the month.

I fit my hand along the smoothed rim of her bowl,
bind sausage meat with egg yolks
and I am fifteen years younger than
when she was buried.
I grow fat in the same places,
as I further work her face into mine.
I, who, have never made a life without myself.

Between last and first branches with blunt buds,
between the sunlight that enters through
the kitchen window and spreads itself thin
as a napkin besides
the shelves of peaches and pickled beetroot.
I, who have many women in one body,
feel my face held between her work-worn hands.

http://everydaycreativity2.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/april-pad-challenge-day-9-self-portrait.html

resembles the start of Judy Jordan’s Help Me Salt Help Me Sorrow

In the moon-fade and the sun’s puppy breath,
in the crow’s plummeting cry,
in my broken foot and arthritic joints,
memory calls me
to the earth’s opening, the graves dug, again, and again
I, always I am left
to turn away
into a bat’s wing-brush of air.

and the rest resembles Jordan's Scattered Prayers:

She swallowed a just -laid egg for conception,
bared her stomach to the full moon to ensure a girl this time.
A plowshare under her bed to cut the pain,
she drank a bottle of castor oil to ease me from between her legs.

Sifted flour, poured buttermilk,
tossed salt over her shoulder-
an offering to the devil,
an appeasement to the death-click of scuttle bugs.

She knew the hunger of ditchweed and possum fat,...

...She knew which forked branch for dowsing,
how many feet down for water,
which stump, the time of moon, the words for washing away warts.

I grow fat in the same places,
fit my hands to the smoothed handle of her hoe,
dry apples on the tin roof,
and wrinkle in the same sun that saw her buried my seventh year.

Each summer I sell tomatoes at the farmer's market
further works her face from mine.
Faster now that i'm only ten years younger than she can ever be,
faster now that I live so many women in one body,
I, who have never made a life within myself.

Between last and first frost
the weighted branches disjoin. ...

...Rises through the skiff's surge and strain
to hold my face between her floury hands."

http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/help-me-salt-help-me-sorrow

Far from Delhi (p77)

Far From Delhi

BY SHEREE MACK

Soon, I will be as wise as a swami by the Ganges.

Soon, they will come to the borders of Caroni.



As the morning’s gauzy humidity burns away, light

will splinter the low evergreen fields of sugar cane and rice.



With the air pungent with tamarind and cumin,

they will struggle to concoct one flame with our deyas.



Still, my people will walk the worn road balancing clay

pots on our heads, as cows and chickens wander unchecked.

http://deadinkbooks.com/poetry-from-sheree-mack/

takes phrases extant from a travel article in Islands Sep-Oct 2007, by Ted Alan Stedman. Google the phrase"As the morning’s gauzy humidity" and "chickens wander unchecked". The "low evergreen fields" is taken, and "air pungent with tamarind and cumin" and "walking the worn road"
http://deadinkbooks.com/poetry-from-sheree-mack/https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=zyOtLUtTh2UC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=%22chickens+wander+unchecked%22&source=bl&ots=RO8-SzHwGZ&sig=8mkWwvi88dWzcy1_9fC_2VFRwnQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=pnlIVYGsHs73aqbDgaAG&ved=0CCcQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=concoct&f=false

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Greg Freeman

Sat 9th May 2015 09:31

I meant to include this paragraph in the story above but it got squeezed out:

In an early comment on the revelations on Ira Lightman’s Facebook page, one well-known poet and writing tutor said that “writing poems 'after' others, mimicking a structure, or using a beginning line or an end line to kick-start a poem etc, is an extremely common exercise/ generative technique. It's not one I use often, but some teachers do it all the time. Obviously you should always either acknowledge it is 'after' (which to be fair she sometimes does), or you should make it 'new' enough to count as your own. Sheree's mistake here seems to be that she hasn't made those lines 'new' enough … I think this is very different from say, the poem of Helen Mort's that got stolen. It's more a matter of occasional laziness - these exercises are very dangerous if you're a fairly unoriginal poet, and so can't escape the scaffold, and come to rely on them too heavily.”

I will restore it.

Comment is about Poet apologises for 'appropriations' as poems are withdrawn and book is pulped (article)

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