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Martin Elder

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 09:19

Thanks for reading this ray. I feel that we all too often pass judgement, me included.
Cheers
Martin

Comment is about When mercy sleeps (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 09:19

terrific Ray - is Danvers related to Williams-Fortescue?

by the end I was shouting at him to run away like Montag in Fahrenheit 451.

loving these creative pieces.

Comment is about TERMINAL FACILITATION (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Martin Elder

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 09:13

I love the line about the odour of sweating trees in particular. beautifully crafted. Nice one

Comment is about Transylvanian Encounter (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

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Martin Elder

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 09:08

Great poem Stu. It just gets better line by line. I particularly like

if i peel you just right after a bath of boiling brine

Nice one

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 09:06

a beautiful study of friendship

lovely title

I wonder should there be a break / gap after the first 7 lines as these seem to mirror the last section and from 'He looks at me...' is stepping back to before that point? I may be reading this wrong in which case I apologise.

I assume there are connections with Oh, Q? I'm reading your entries backwards!

thanks for posting.

Comment is about Silent Songs of Understanding (blog)

Original item by Claire

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 08:55

thanks for posting and sharing and letting us be a part of your inner dialogue Claire - there's a good flow to this and I especially like the first three lines.

I also like that we don't really know who 'she' and Q and Sky are and we don't need to know - we are bit players in this personal drama as perhaps they are or will become as you move on in life and maybe go your own different ways after high school - a daunting prospect maybe - losing friends, choosing different paths, finding new friends - but hey, there's a big wide beautiful world out there - for those that want it - it's out there x

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLzBwzBnvSE

Comment is about Oh, Q (blog)

Original item by Claire

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 08:32

holy moly how many poems are nuclear fused together in this one piece Mr Spangles - you do do 'em long but you do 'em well sir. I like how you seem to get deliberately distracted and it is joyful how your meandering thoughts are all strangely interlinked if only by a Curly Wurly and a 5p cig but we can relate to so much of this - any poem that name checks Joy Division and the Cocteau Twins is good for me. As usual with your work there are so many excellent lines it's impossible to pick a fave.

the Jim Bowen quote is inspired and sounds like a Paul Dehn take on the Cold War.

and Ted Rogers the Basho of ITV Taoism made me laugh and want to do that 3-2-1 thingy with my fingers which invariably ends in dislocation or something offensive.

thanks for posting such a wonderful, colourful, original and tip filled poem - Formica a radiation repellent!! Must bear that in mind just in case.

Comment is about Nuclear Bombs In Beige (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

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suki spangles

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 02:38

Dare I say that the first three lines especially have a certain "Howl" quality to it. Different subject of course, but still..

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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suki spangles

Wed 2nd Nov 2016 02:34

This has the spooky and darkly humorous Phil K.Dick quality to it. Nice write.

Comment is about TERMINAL FACILITATION (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Stu Buck

Tue 1st Nov 2016 23:58

thanks both. its not really about eggs at all i dont think, rather our ability to manipulate something pure and use it for our own gain.

then again, maybe its about eggs...

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

elPintor

Tue 1st Nov 2016 22:54

Sorry, Stu..I can't add anything here because my mind must've been warped by the propaganda of the UPF (United Poultry Farmers) at an early age..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8liZzROplmk

(annoying, I know)

elP

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Stu Buck

Tue 1st Nov 2016 22:01

thanks both. ray, i love eggs but have to agree that raw and cracked they are quite the most revolting thing

david, you are spot on. i wrote the line 'truffled clouds of disappointment' and wanted to expand from there, it turned into an exercise in how purity can be disturbed by individual need.

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

elPintor

Tue 1st Nov 2016 21:47

I would like that very much, Stu.

Maybe you've seen it, but I watched Ben X (a Finnish movie, if I remember correctly) maybe a couple of years ago..I believe the young male character in that was diagnosed with Asperger's. No doubt it could be very difficult to make the switch back and forth between personas, whether writing or acting.

All in all, a good movie with a very unexpected ending.

elP

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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raypool

Tue 1st Nov 2016 20:51

This is a poem you can taste , Stu. I can't praise it highly enough; it jumps off the page and is fascinating in its pathological detail. I think of eggs as basically revolting, yet still enjoy them fried or hard boiled. Otherwise, forget it! I bow to you O culinary master.

Ray

Comment is about cracked (blog)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Osman Nedim Tamsan

Tue 1st Nov 2016 20:05

Thank you so much for your good comments and your interest.

Comment is about When You Smile (blog)

Original item by Osman Nedim Tamsan

<Deleted User> (13762)

Tue 1st Nov 2016 19:58

AmeriKana made in China for one night only then dumped in the garbage ? Nice one Tommy

Comment is about AmeriKana (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

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Connie Walter

Tue 1st Nov 2016 19:08

Thank you ? Xx

Comment is about Trust is an illusion (blog)

Original item by Connie Walter

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Connie Walter

Tue 1st Nov 2016 19:02

Thank you both for your kind comments ☺️ Xx

Comment is about Loving ourselves (blog)

Original item by Connie Walter

Stephen Boocock

Tue 1st Nov 2016 18:48

Yes.you hit the point. If you are facehooked try switching it off for a few weeks and you may see what you don't see. Loving ones self should be easy but the most simple things can be made very complex. Great stuff though.

Comment is about Loving ourselves (blog)

Original item by Connie Walter

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John Coopey

Tue 1st Nov 2016 13:54

The Death of Romance, I'm afraid, Graham. I just got a slap in the face for my pains.

Comment is about I WANT TO KISS YOU FOR CHINA (blog)

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Stu Buck

Tue 1st Nov 2016 13:20

hi elP. my first novel isnt something i am particularly proud of i have to say. its something i have on the backburner to rewrite at some point. the project i am working on at the moment is the story of an autistic man who returns to brighton to tell his father that his mother has died. while he is there he meets kate. its sort of a strange, taboo love story but with elements of real darkness which taint the whole thing. its exhausting to write, as the entire thing is done in the narrative voice of the autistic man, which is incredibly demanding. i actually have to lie down after writing each day as i find it difficult to come out of his mind and return to mine. id be happy to send you some if you wanted to read it.

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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Graham Sherwood

Tue 1st Nov 2016 13:09

Ahhhh! you soft old pudding! Have some chop suey instead.

Comment is about I WANT TO KISS YOU FOR CHINA (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

<Deleted User> (13762)

Tue 1st Nov 2016 08:13

I did wonder that ? thanks for your explanation.

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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Mel C

Tue 1st Nov 2016 08:12

Thank You Tommy for your comment on poem "Reflection". The more I revisit it...I realize that there is a lot going here with poem and photo meaning...conflation....not sure what to make of the shadow looking back at me...more to ponder! All was created pretty quickly and just thinking about the whole thing still...but Thank You!

Comment is about Tommy Carroll (poet profile)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

elPintor

Mon 31st Oct 2016 23:16

Good evening..

Hey Stu..always good to hear from you. I would very much like to read your first novel, and about Kate who is the sea. Please tell me more. I always look forward to reading your work.

The last lines are very important to me. I don't get to make it to the ocean often, but the feel of salt water is heavenly.

And Suki, thank you kindly. I finished most of your most recent this morning before I had to leave for work. I had to laugh..my oh my what would we write about if we didn't have potential catastrophe? Looking forward to getting to the rest over dinner.

Hi Colin. I appreciate the feedback. Truthfully, I tried to make the fourth verse a little more succinct. But, wanted to convey the effortlessness of swimming in salt water versus fresh. And, there's something about saline--maybe the word is debriding.

As far as the structure goes, in the first three verses there is a sort of finality--an ending--implied. I wanted something more fluid to continue with. Thanks for asking and providing your perspective.

Again, thanks to each of you for reading and expressing your thoughts..I'm grateful.

elP

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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Martin Elder

Mon 31st Oct 2016 22:29

Marvellous poem Nat, many congrats, I heartly agree with you about having ideas late at night and the need to write.

Comment is about '12:26' by Natfastic is the Write Out Loud Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Tom Doolan

Mon 31st Oct 2016 15:55

Hi Rose - That depends on how excited I am lol. Tx

Comment is about Halloween Dream (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

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raypool

Mon 31st Oct 2016 14:55

I think if you did a survey around the country Martin, there would be a lot of angst on this subject. Not forgetting the leaving out of redundant cones for other teams (in red, or yellow).

Colin: Could you be thinking of the Bernard Cribbens comedy song on the same subject ? Or it could just be On the Road Again -(who by I don't remember). TV is an option but I feel while telly is a ghastly word it just seems to ready easier being one syllable. Thanks anyway. I sympathise - we all suffer - I've usually got a sarcastic comment ready after fuming , but the old blood pressure you know! Yes, particulates is nasty and pseudo scientific, which makes it quite a useful word I suppose.

Thanks both. Ray

Comment is about THEY'RE DIGGING THE ROAD UP AGAIN (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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Ian Whiteley

Mon 31st Oct 2016 14:54

thanks for your insightful and supportive comments on 'Fairy Cakes' Stu - I've responded on the blog as I needed to answer both yours and MC's point in a 'contrast and compare' way.
Thanks for commenting as always
Ian

Comment is about Stuart Buck (poet profile)

Original item by Stuart Buck

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Ian Whiteley

Mon 31st Oct 2016 14:53

thanks for your i9nsightful and supportive comments on 'Fairy Cakes' MC - I've responded on the blog as I needed to answer both yours and Stu's point in a 'contrast and compare' way.
Thanks for commenting as always
Ian

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

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Ian Whiteley

Mon 31st Oct 2016 14:51

thanks for commenting chaps
guess what - I agree with you both
this wasn't written as a means to either support or decry the case decided in the courts last week - I'm not too bothered which way that went and agree that the triviality and cost involved in reaching a dubious to enforce outcome doesn't seem worthy of it - even gay rights protesters are railing against the restriction of free decision making.
NO
the thrust of this piece is the fundamental issue of a mythical god being - used as a justification to prejudice real, human, caring people - it is illogical to quote biblical justifications of demonising sodomy or homosexuality as deviant - when there is so much human hypocrisy flaunted and practiced in those very same archaic 'religions'.
By all means let people 'believe' in what they want - but not at the expense of real, complex, justifiable emotions between 2 human beings.
If there is a 'God' I would hope it was pro love and humanity - if it wasn't then it's not a 'God' for me.
Here endeth the lesson of Whiteley to the WriteOutLoudians *wink*

Comment is about Fairy Cakes (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

<Deleted User> (9882)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 13:57

well! I'll go the foot of our attic stairs!

top of the shop,in every sense
and nothing less Harry.



Rose.?

Comment is about The attic (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

<Deleted User> (9882)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 13:40

Tom,if I give you all of my money and sweets,do I get to keep my pants??


great fun poem


Rose.?

Comment is about Halloween Dream (blog)

Original item by Tom Doolan

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Harry O'Neill

Mon 31st Oct 2016 11:14


A heartfelt thanks...from an old bugger trying to get back on to his poetry bike...to everyone for your very kind and considerate comments.

Very, very, very much appreciated!

Comment is about The attic (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 09:28

great stuff Ray - 'they're digging up the road again' reminds me of something but for the life of me I cannot think what and it might just bug me for the rest of the day!

would 'TV' work better than 'telly'?

I have my own roadworks madness playing out in my local town right now - the eastbound A40 dual-carriageway having been closed for six weeks to repair an underground mains gas pipe - traffic diverted down a country road - gridlock just about everywhere. I pass through and see simple solutions to ease the chaos and wonder why the dimwits in power don't think the same.

'particulates' is a good word - or a nasty word depending - one of those words you want to emphasise every syllable very slowly.

Comment is about THEY'RE DIGGING THE ROAD UP AGAIN (blog)

Original item by ray pool

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 08:43

Ouch! - well written David - nothing like a literary lobotomy to start the week and release the flow of words - thanks for the bloody image.

Comment is about Sawn (blog)

Original item by David Lindsay

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 08:37

wonderful evocative writing Tom - I don't know why but it made me think of Vincent Van Gogh (the chair?) although he wouldn't have had a radio - invented just a few years after his death.

I can see him lying in his studio - piecing together all of these images before overcome with mental exhaustion - maybe a moment of clarity before the nighttime demons return:

and train my breath and listen

and recall intently

five beautiful moments

that happened that day

as part of a regime to rig my happiness

but i’m stuck on a thought


Comment is about Night Noises (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 31st Oct 2016 08:04

Hi elP, I too like this but wondered why the change of structure for the last 2 verses which seem a little drawn out and wordy? All the best, Colin

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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suki spangles

Mon 31st Oct 2016 07:32

A wonderful tonic to read on this grey and foggy Monday morning. I will read this again and again. Thank you for sharing.

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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suki spangles

Mon 31st Oct 2016 07:27

I can really relate to your poem. I do shift work. And often when I'm on my "lunch break" at around 2 or 3 in the morning I often think of ideas and lines for my poems. You have described that experience perfectly; the alternative universe we inhabit in this world when we write - where "seconds slip by with ease..". Congratulations on winning POTW Natfatic. Cheers, Suki

Comment is about '12:26' by Natfastic is the Write Out Loud Poem of the Week (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Stu Buck

Mon 31st Oct 2016 01:43

wonderful stuff. i am currently rewriting my second novel, the title of which is 'kate, who is the sea' and this piece, especially the last lines, is almost exactly the mood and feel i am trying to find. i love this, its beautiful.

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

elPintor

Sun 30th Oct 2016 23:37

a sort of color aggregation..lovely.

elP

Comment is about (blog)

Original item by Adam Whitworth

elPintor

Sun 30th Oct 2016 23:23

Thank you, very much, David..

There is no pretense meant, as it is all personal..life is not linear as we have been taught that it "should" be.

My name is Rachel..please use it whenever you wish.

Comment is about when I was young.. (blog)

Original item by nunya

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raypool

Sun 30th Oct 2016 22:17

A strange empathy animates a rather bleak scene, and a feeling that time is one dimensional , I think achieved by the precise description. The poem is reminiscent of an earlier one of yours Tom which was equally resonant and just as enjoyable.

Ray

Comment is about Night Noises (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

elPintor

Sun 30th Oct 2016 22:09

Hey, Martin. That's a quite crucial part of the piece. I wanted to suggest that we necessarily become integral to some experiences in such a manner that we are not easily extricated from them. Sometimes, they simply take on an existence of their own--apart from us--yet never are fully separated.

I thank you, sir, for commenting.

elP

Comment is about shards--miles to go... (blog)

Original item by nunya

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John Coopey

Sun 30th Oct 2016 22:00

Almost cinematic, Harry.

Comment is about The attic (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

<Deleted User> (6895)

Sun 30th Oct 2016 21:58

would you mind if we jealous buggers pillaged the subject matter Mr H.?

We certainly don't intend to try and outdo this fantastic poem (which we couldn't anyway whatsoever)
but since we have a similarly filled apex'd void
we would simply like to try and raise at least one laugh
with a comical take on the idea.....?

P&S

Comment is about The attic (blog)

Original item by Harry O`N eill

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Trevor Wainwright

Sun 30th Oct 2016 21:06

I take to the stage wearing latest festival tee shirt and jeans
Calling myself a poet of private means
Not being a snob, but a poet with a proper job
I don’t have to write just to earn a crust
No deadlines to meet,
I just make up my rhyme any time
When inspirations flowing I pick up my pencil and get going
So whenever my poetry I give
I can say I live to write
Cos’ I don’t have to write to live

Comment is about Making a living as a poet: (1) ironing out some image problems (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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suki spangles

Sun 30th Oct 2016 20:52

Beautifully realised. I read this a few times. Thanks for sharing.

Comment is about Night Noises (blog)

Original item by Tom Harding

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suki spangles

Sun 30th Oct 2016 18:55

Tony and Colin,
Cheers muchly for taking the time to read this. Appreciated!

Comment is about Bleeding-Edge Prophet (blog)

Original item by Suki Spangles

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