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Isobel

Wed 24th Nov 2010 22:20

Thanks for your comment John. There will be a very sad follow up to that one and my Original Oak poem. Rising tuition fees make it pretty certain my son will have to study in Oz. He will come out with too much debt otherwise. I imagine he will end up settling there thereafter - that's usually the way. Looks like I'll be doing a lot of travelling and saving up!

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Isobel

Wed 24th Nov 2010 22:16

Your poem was fun - don't know why you pulled it. It's a style I need to look at - have never written one like that before.

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John Aikman

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:44

I spent the best part of an hour trying to get a 16 year old boy out of bed and off to school this morning...and it lead me back to this poem.

The last verse is utterly beautiful. I know he loves me...though you'd never know it at 8.00 a.m. : )

Thank you!

Jxxx

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John Coopey

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:39

Then if you've experience of the one-visit-to-the-salad-bar you'll fully understand the concept of using the cucumber as greedy boards.

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Isobel

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:27

Ha - I'll confess to not liking salad that much. I am thinking back to a time in Ruislip - there was a beef eater type restaurant where you could have as much salad as you liked but you had to fit it into one bowl. I managed to pile it high - but it was stupid really - it was always the steak and chips I enjoyed the most!

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John Coopey

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:17

Glad you liked Chinese Buffet. I honestly don't think you're qualified on matters of gourmand greed if your experience only runs to salad items like tomatoes, though.

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John Coopey

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:15

Glad you enjoyed Chinese Buffet. Certainly no offense intended by using the Chinese voice. As an aside I really enjoy the sense of humour and gentle self-deprecation the proprietor of the Wa Yu Wan Restaurant in Spalding has!

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John Coopey

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:10

Val
Glad you enjoyed Chinese Buffet - almost a true story.

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John Coopey

Wed 24th Nov 2010 20:09

Lynn
Glad you enjoyed Chinese Buffet - almost a true story!

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Isobel

Wed 24th Nov 2010 13:39

Hi Andy - I love the idea of looking at someone or at a relationship through a sheet of ice - it is a great image to express a cold divide.
'A mirage of Saturn's rings in all their beauty' also relects quite well the out of focus vision you might have through such a barrier. Neatly carried through to the two line ending. It would be great if we could all smash through the barriers wouldn't it?

An good read. x

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andy n

Wed 24th Nov 2010 13:39

Hi Ann;

Many thanks for spotting the typo's on 'the other side'. I occasionally do miss them (advantage of my disabilities)and have corrected them..

I will have a think about the 6th stanza, but thank you for thinking it's a top poem! lol xx

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andy n

Wed 24th Nov 2010 13:38

Hi Ann;

Many thanks for spotting the typo's.. I occasionally do miss them (advantage of my disabilities)and have corrected them..

I will have a think about the 6th stanza, but thank you for thinking it's a top poem! lol xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:58

no it was was-War and no bleedin PEACE! I remain yours with a blindfold on and earplugs in-in case you go to hordio-later Lovely-xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:51

Joke explanation for she who has been too cosseted-or is that corseted? soldier tells comrade he would rather be in bed with a book and a big busty blonde than on the battlefield-his buddy astounded that he even thinks about taking a book to bed when he has more than enough to occupy mind-(and body)remarks that the book must be a very good read that it distracts him from carnal activities-the first soldier replys who said I could read...it was supposed to impress the naughty lady....gerrit? PHEW!xx rsvp? not till me musskels bulge!

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:42

I like this Andy. I'm not sure if the 6th verse is a bit of overkill? Just for me maybe. But as you sometimes say - top poem! xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:40

I nearly fell off the monkey bars in laughter at your amazing humour! indeed a stick of 'Blacky' rock-with the name Gemma all the way through-it shall remain unsucked!now my musskels need to bulge!

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:31

in your case sweet feline,the delete button shall only gathereth dust-f'rever! get yer ski,s ready! yours stiffly(all over)Stef on a stick-xx thou shall never gettereth on my wickly moor bahtat-enjoy your day dear friend.(monkey bars are calling-wonder if they sell jungle joose...tee hee)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:28

Lynn,expect a stick shaped parcel very soon-ta Mrs D-Stef-xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Wed 24th Nov 2010 10:25

Thanks Freda for commenting on-'Shes back'best regards Stef.

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andy n

Wed 24th Nov 2010 08:17

lovely freda... i think you change the beat in the poem just right on the last stanza.. top stuff x

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Freda Davis

Wed 24th Nov 2010 00:48

Although I did think 'blanket was a bit of a cliche.

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Freda Davis

Wed 24th Nov 2010 00:46

How right you are Ray. I will remove the extraneous syllable pronto.

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Ray Miller

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 23:19

It is good, I can imagine the hoover and I like the idea of the woods as a safe haven. For rhythm's sake, should be "defoliating drains" surely.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:35

Lovely Freda-especially the last verse-thank you-Stef.

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Francine

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:20

Tu me rends folle !

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Chris Co

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:17

I like this Mike. It is certainly true that innocence can stem from new generations not enslaved to the past...so long as they can escape the old teachings and bigotry.

Are the final lines and allusion to 2001 A Space Odyssey...not sure as it has been a while since I saw the film/thought of the Arthur C Clarke.

Certainly in that film one of the main themes is the evolution of man, from primitive to higher being. This is something that echos through this poem in its own way.

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Lynn Dye

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:08

Thank you Ann for comments on "Space". I think it is you that are kind! Tootsies are sore so I'm off to beddybies with pain killers. xx

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Chris Co

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:00

I really enjoyed this John.

Love the manner of the nostaglia.

The love for something missed that you simultaneously knew was flawed and a royal pain the rear.

A real narrative.

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Chris Co

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 21:55

I like this Dave, enjoyed your read of it in Wigan as well.

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Chris Co

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 21:53

I'd never go anywhere near so far Haha...but I simply don't like the colour irrespective.

Funny...a smile raiser :)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 21:45

thars put a pooim on fer thee lass!

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S.J.

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 20:01

It's ok, my mum feels the same way! My experiences with pigeons are not happy ones, far from! The mass culling was a true occurrence in my town a few years ago too but the culprit hasn't been seen since - maybe they came back to haunt her?

I never take offence at views to the contrary (I'm a Merseysider - sod lifting the fence, I'm more likely to lift the whole house!) Ha! S x

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 19:47

being a southerner means-you drink tea with your little finger lifted-you eat cucumber sandwhiches-you pronounce your h,s! you would,nt be seen dead in a flat cap-you dont take ferrets to bed-you say yah instead of yeah! you don,t fart in public-you feel as though you are slumming when you talk to rough Rossendalers-lol! you come on here wiv yer fancy ways n airs n gravies-lol!! you don,t laugh at sad northeners who try ter make yer laff-go on Lady Lynn-put down the bone china and grin! I,m even bowing as I write this comment to your Ladyship-bless her n may all southerners sail in her-one way! haha-cheers me owd mukker-scruffy likeable northern loon-xx-xx-the kisses were aimed at yer boots-yer majesty! lol!

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John Aikman

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 19:28

My grandmother actually learned Russian in her 60's in order to be able to recite Pushkin to me as a child.

She said no westerner could ever understand the beauty of his phrasing and rhymes unless they understood Russian. My grandmother was a remarkable woman...I think she is the reason I try to write poetry to this day...and she's been dead these thirty years.

Thank you for the insight into writing in two languages. Fascinating.

Jx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 19:11

aw ta Lynn-somebody likes me-even if they are a southerner!! ta chuk-Stef-xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 19:03

Sorry S.J-with respect-remember messenger pigeons in wartime-probably saving many lives-if I,m not mistaken,I think some were even decorated.Then there are the racing pigeons that has a massive following-its not the pigeons fault if people(litter louts) leave bits of food about,thats the attraction,in shopping centres etc and its those same people who depise the birds-of many kinds gathering-as for me,my garage roof is a welcome place for -all-birds regardless-and my three handfuls of birdnuts shall go on every single day without fail-soppy old git that I am! no disrespect to you at all-everyone to their own opinion for sure-got to fly!(joke)ta S.J-Stef.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:31

oh Lynn!I was absolutely distraught about your comments ruining my masterpiece....HAHAHA!!..hey girly-you can say what the flip you want to me no probs-stop being a worrier! no-my mad half hour came to an end-was only for a larf-hows the plates of meat love? must be so painful-let it recover properly,don,t go jogging just yet-and leave the penny farthing in the garage-tee hee-catch you later chickamungus-yours trooly-Likeable Loon(that one got no votes-grr-haha)love-Stef-xx-B-xx

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John Aikman

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:21

Thank you for your observations on my poem.It was mercury the element...well spotted, de-capitalised now. It was a reference to 'fluids' always finding their own level through the topography...finding the quickest route down, the 'line of least resistance' until it pools...into a small 'moon' that mirrors the large moon in the sky. the idea of mercury was also reference to the colour and the effect that, as they warm up, most (all?) fluids run faster and faster. Mercury always seems to be a speedy little fluid...even though it is a metal.I still think, as Isobel said, it's missing one more line now, I think I've edited it too hard and lost a certain degree of oblique reference to what the guilt was all about. I was trying to capture what I think the French refer to as 'post coital tristesse'...or something.

Post coitum omne animal triste est —"After sexual intercourse every animal is sad".


Glad you liked it.

:)

Jx

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John Aikman

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:20

It was mercury the element...well spotted, de-capitalised now. It was a reference to 'fluids' always finding their own level through the topography...finding the quickest route down, the 'line of least resistance' until it pools...into a small 'moon' that mirrors the large moon in the sky. the idea of mercury was also reference to the colour and the effect that, as they warm up, most (all?) fluids run faster and faster. Mercury always seems to be a speedy little fluid...even though it is a metal.

I still think, as Isobel said, it's missing one more line now, I think I've edited it too hard and lost a certain degree of oblique reference to what the guilt was all about. I was trying to capture what I think the French refer to as 'post coital tristesse'.

Post coitum omne animal triste est —"After sexual intercourse every animal is sad".

...or something.

Glad you liked it.

:)

Jx

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:13

I like the way you tie the two spaces together. Space is quite scary - inner and outer! xx

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:06

Thank you so much Lynn - Love Visits from Another Planet. You are very kind! Hope the tootsies are OK! xx

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:02

I'm sorry but I disagree with you totally. I know this is not a crit on your poem, although I see it as more a rant than a poem. I am just sticking up for a live creature. Many people where I live feel the same way about seagulls. I would defend seagulls too. Sorry but that's just how I feel.

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Lynn Dye

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 17:43

I like the idea of this, Ann, wish I'd thought of something similar! I like your poem too, inspirational... :) xx

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Francine

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 17:35

When I read your poem, Carole, I naturally had to do some research to see what this Fibonacci sequence and poetry was... I find it fascinating and will try it when I have some time.

I love raspberries too - reminds me of summertime, picking them off the bushes in France as a little girl : )

Your poem is very sensual, and says so much in so few words.


p.s. I give you an A+

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Isobel

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 13:46

Spoken like a true Yorkshire man! Very funny John - at least you ate it...
It's hilarious when people pile their plates high with stuff they can't possibly eat. I can remember doing that when I was much younger - tomatoes bouncing off all over the floor. I've learnt to be more modest with age. Would love to see this performed. x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 12:25

Very funny, hyperbole well done, telling a good story with nifty rhyme. I can't imagine any offense given in use of the Chinese background or the broken English. The situation could have been in any environment.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 12:10

I have the benefit of only this version. It is really good. Are you referring to the planet or the mineral? Capitalisation implies the planet. What is the scientific background of 'lines of least resistance', since you use the reference so solidly?

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 11:59

I know lots of 'real men' who wear pink trousers. The last verse actually made me feel antagonistic, not amused; it seems a slur rather than a jest; very Delphic.

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shoeless

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 11:40

Thanks for your comments Laura . I love raspberries :) and my mate Ian set me the challenge of a fibonacci form which i was pleased to undertake :)

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shoeless

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 11:38

Thanks very much for your comments on Raspberry fib . It started out as a challenge from a freind , and turned out quite sweet I think :)

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