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Fiona Brehony

Sun 4th Apr 2010 13:39

Playing the fool is the biggest thing you can do.

Highland coo to gal below:
"I'm trapped behind something I cannot make sense of... it's lines are a thick straw, which, I cannae crawl under.
Oh to be a bee on it's final breath of air.
...I'm lonely - do'th it show? Please tell me you care... about me standing day by day
folk flashing my eyes; keen to walk away.

(SILENCE)

Oh gal, you've no words to give me... mais draw a sign to say
'head to field three of highest Skye and shoot the coo today'..."

Gal:
"je voudrais... mais... I'm stuck in a feckin' mirror - is this unclear..?"

(And so the coo chewed et le lady stood)

x

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Ray Miller

Sun 4th Apr 2010 13:16

Enjoyed, John. You forgot the one about not liking games played on a Saturday, or any day of the week ending in a "y". Who d'you support then?
A Villa fan

And why didn't Vidic get sent off at Wembley?

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 4th Apr 2010 13:13

What a lovely poem Max.

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John Coopey

Sun 4th Apr 2010 12:10

Ann
I'm not the greatest fan of haikus but I really like the sentiment. I think Stafan's nailed it "bitter-sweet". Just noticed though - I think your bush could do with a trim!
Keep posting.

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Banksy

Sun 4th Apr 2010 11:34

that's very sad about your partner dying. my kick-start was similar but not as dramatic - we parted amicably as she wanted babies & I didn't - but it took me 2 yrs to get over it & was my one & only true "broken heart". I started writing some time later, still with a broken heart. I've since been very happily married these last 8 yrs but I still have the urge to write & I feel I've written better stuff since - so I wouldn't give up on it or assume that if you are happy your creativity will necessarily die. only my 2 cents :) B

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Sun 4th Apr 2010 11:22

Good morning Kath and family,happy Easter.This is a very poignant and deep poem,obviously personal yet despite that,it is beautifully, excellently composed.Best regards Kath. Stefan-x

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Chris Dawson

Sun 4th Apr 2010 11:17

Hi there, thanks so much for your comments on my 'War is ..' poem - glad you liked it.
Cx

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Chris Dawson

Sun 4th Apr 2010 11:15

Exactly so - one of my favourite pieces, ever ... with it's under-stated menace and subtle sexual references. I was given an illustrated copy when I was 11 - not sure it's a children's book - but I loved it then, love it now.
Cx

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Augusta Darling

Sun 4th Apr 2010 10:51

Hello Alison

Thank you for you comment... Dilly dancing...seems to have pleased people... it must conjure happy and pleasing images. Good for them!

Now, your reference to Terry Pratchet... has me at a loss... but ...hey ho...

Once again many thanks

Augusta xx

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 4th Apr 2010 10:15

In heaven maybe? ;-) xx

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Chris Dawson

Sun 4th Apr 2010 10:03

Homage to Christina Rossetti?
Cx

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:31

Great idea but it will need some thought, so later on I will indeed think about it! I felt that Coromandel was in a similar veing to Botany, and I do like both of those.

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:27

Hi - yes, I often feel that someone else wrote the poem for me! I wonder who it is!! Le Weekend I just typed straight onto the WOL blogg entry without a thought. I think to be good a poem has to come from the heart. Some poems bypass the head on their way out! One thing that worries me is the fear of losing this straight-from-the-heart inspiration. A lot of my poems must have come about because of my partner dying very suddenly, then one year later I fell in love with someone totally unattainable (and probably unsuitable)and so much of my poetry comes from these two things. If I ever settle down or just eventually subside into an unpassionate little old lady (could be any day now!!) a lot of my poetry will die. I guess I can still write about Foals - yes, Foal is one of mine that I like a lot but few on here noticed it. But I'm not complaining as the feedback I have got from WOL has been great and also kind. xx

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Banksy

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:22

Hi again - a "dangerous" idea just came to me - why dont you send me what you think of as your best couple of poems & I'll see if (to me) they are as good/better than coromandel. we'd both have to agree in advance that you & I might not like the answers though? B

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Banksy

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:14

Hi Ann- I was going to ask this same question generally in "discussions" but I thought it might get too convoluted, plus, I was already pretty sure I knew the likely outcome - a hundred different opinions. Your ideas basically mirror my own, but it is difficult to know what to do. I've been published in a few printed chapbooks, comps & online, but often the editors dont publish the stuff that I sent as my best but usually one I threw in as an afterthought. I dont think it is a vanity to want to be published, to me it is more about some form of communication. The same thing also happens to the acknowledged masters - the Mona Lisa was not generally well-regarded when he painted it, but Leonardo saw it as his masterpiece as it's the only painting he took with him wherever he went. Now, we all recognise it as a true masterpiece. Without wishing to pile on the compliments, you are doing very well writing stuff like Coromandel if you are new to this - I dont think there is much that anyone on here could teach you about writing. but do YOU think coromandel is amongst your best stuff?? One of my best poems just popped into my head whilst I was driving - I pulled to the side of the road & scribbled it down ona bit of paper in about 30 seconds - it wrote itself really, all I had to do was record it - it was as if I hadn't really written it at all. anyway, thanks for answering my question that I am not alone in trying to tackle this mystery of what other people perceive as "the good stuff". all the best. B

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Rachel McGladdery

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:00

Ohh I really like this, I don't generally enjoy reading poems where you need to google something every second line either....yay for accessibility!
xxx

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Donna Marie Beck

Sun 4th Apr 2010 09:00

I can relate to this, ' to be separate from myself so i can think '. I have to wait for those feelings to pass, cause it always does. It makes me think about something i heard 'don't put yourself down, theres plenty of other people willing to do that for you '. Donna x

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Donna Marie Beck

Sun 4th Apr 2010 08:52

My cup of tea; a believer of the spiritual realms. ' Space has intelligence, it throbs and waits ' x

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Rachel McGladdery

Sun 4th Apr 2010 08:51

Thanks Tommy, I haven't had much computer time recently but will have a mess around with said poem... thanks for taking the time to have a think, it's appreciated. I think you're going to win the Easter Egg at this rate, it will probably be a Cadbury's Buttons one bought cheap from sainsbury's tomorrow and I will tell you how it tasted! :)
x

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Donna Marie Beck

Sun 4th Apr 2010 08:47

Happy Easter x

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Alison Smiles

Sun 4th Apr 2010 08:28

Just dipped in and read yours, Augusta ... and feel ashamed to call mine poetry!

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Alison Smiles

Sun 4th Apr 2010 08:26

That's fantastic. Took me straight into (oddly) a Terry Pratchet book. "Dilly dancing" lovely.

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Jeff Dawson

Sun 4th Apr 2010 01:38

Marvellous Augusta, like reading a great mystic book, the rhythm and repetition works really well here, great work Augusta, a pleasure as always Jeff xx

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Jeff Dawson

Sun 4th Apr 2010 01:31

Hey Augusta, thanx for comment on Colt 45 nights!

No surprise you were too naughty to stay in and drink, the steak pie incident made me laugh!

Glad you like the trip down memory lane, suppose we've all done it, just different places, different drinks (or pies!) and different bands - the Clash were my heroes, but I've been into loads of stuff over the years!

Anyway thanx again, by the way love the new pic of your legs - very sexy !! Jeff xx

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Isobel

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:57

This one made me laugh - I love Ann's finely balanced comment sticking up for the female population! Do you really have 5 sheds John? What on earth do you get up to in them? If you get chance you should check out Pete Crompton's profile. He posted a poem about his garden shed not long ago - telling us what I suspect you get up to... and I'm taking it that's a red hot poker, you are man handling there...

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:35

But a literary heritage does.... one absorbs different influences from different genres as one goes along, and this poem could almost be in the classical vein if you took out the line "my voice is that of a washing machine gurgling"...yep your youthful face could really have written this.

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Ray Miller

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:27

Are you being suggestive, Isobel?! I have "performed" this once and it didn't go down well. It was in a library, which didn't help, and there were tuts from some in the audience, abhorred at the vulgarity. Anyway, at present there's no sound on my computer!Thanks for the comments.

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Ray Miller

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:21

Very succinct, John, brevity's the soul of wit, and all that.

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Augusta Darling

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 22:05


Good Evening Alison

Rare and wonderful words...


Despite her huge and scary bosom

Augusta xx

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Augusta Darling

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 21:50

Great observational piece...

...an 'Instant' hit.

Augusta xx

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Isobel

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 21:49

And how does one start even...

An amusing read Ray and some very inventive rhymes! It would be good to have sound attached - I can imagine you performing well...

John - i love your little ditty - nothing weak about it!

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Augusta Darling

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 21:46

Hi Cate

Druids are on the whire side of the night...these wee little beastie demons... were deadly, evil and whilst red in colour they were black hearted and satanic.


Hope you sleep well after all that.

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments.

Augusta xx

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Augusta Darling

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 21:45

Hi Cate

Druids are on the whire side of the night...these wee little beastie demons... were deadly, evil and whilst red in colour they were black hearted and satanic.


Hope you sleep well after all that.

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments.

Augusta xx

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Joshua Van-Cook

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 21:43

Interesting poems Anna, your imagery is really effective. I'd be hard pressed to pick a favourite but Norfolk Sunk appeals to me, the structure of it really reinforces the still and/ or lifeless atmosphere.

- Josh

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 20:32

Hi! Your recent comment has echoed my thoughts in a quite uncanny way, in fact I just posted a comment on Cynthia BT's page because she was raving about Lemon Pips, which might be a good poem, I have no idea (I only wrote it!) I find that sometimes I post a poem on here that took me 3 seconds and no thought (although my subconcious may have been working on it for years I guess, without telling me!)and it gets lots of comments. Then another poem that I really think is good, no one notices. I guess we should go by what we recognise as our best work, but that is so hard, especially if, like me, you are very new to writing. On here, it doesn't really matter, to me anyway, but I wonder about a time when I might approach a publisher. What would I send them? Or if I were to enter a competition? On here (WOL) I know what I like. But I think if you want comments you have to talk about loo paper or sex. I must admit I have sex in some of my poems (not literally alas!) but so far have avoided loo paper! I am hoping experience will help me. I would love to be published one day. Vanity I guess. xx

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Max Wallis

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 20:18

I don't think age really comes into it. If you can write then you can write. I am almost twenty-one, I've collected many experiences. But thank you all the same on the comment about my youthful face :)

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Banksy

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 20:14

hi Ann - many thanks for the comments about "with hindsight". It's strange really though - I wrote all of these poems over the last 15 yrs & posted some of the ones which I thought were my best stuff - with very often little or no comment. Then by chance I posted a few on a totally different tack which were much simpler, easy to understand & these seemed to be better accepted, though IMHO they are not my "best" stuff. do you ever find the same? The one of yours which I included on my site - Coromandel - is sublime but didn't get any more comments than many lesser works by others. I've been aware of this quandary for many years - to the extent that I even wrote a poem on the subject.... but still, it's a mystery. Is it that others just don't "get it" or is it that some of us like Rossini & some like Abba - I just don't know. All I do know for sure is that it is wonderful when someone else does "get it" as we intended. all the best. B

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Isobel

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 19:29

I like it too - the line Cate quoted is superb. It is a quirky piece - it has echoes of something but I can't think what. An enjoyable read.

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 18:26

Well well Ms Augusta,what a wonderful change of style and content you have dished up for us here. I read it yesterday and couldnt put my mind to where I had heard the metre and rhythm before , but it came to me last night and lo and behold I logged on to find John had beaten me to it. It feels like a bit of Hiawatha,Tam Lin and Midsummers Nights Dream rolled into one, overlaid by mysticism and druidism. Quite enchanting!!
Cate xx

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 18:15

So do I. There are some lovely lines in this . I particularly like "I will not crush the stars into lanterns to light your darkness" This is a very mature piece of writing from someone so young looking... I look forward to reading some more
Cate xx

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 18:11

Thank you for your wonderful comments on Lemon Pips. As a newish poet, with no background in poetry, I am often flummoxed when one particular poem seems to reach people, then another does not. To me, I can never tell which it will be. This, of course, is a problem if I ever intend to send poems off (hopefully) to either a competition or a publisher. Will I one day know which of my poems works? Is this just me or does it apply to everyone? Or should I just hold to what I think are the better ones. I am often gobsmacked by the reaction to certain poems which, for me, took little work. Or should I say concious work. It is a puzzle! But thank you again for your input which I always value!

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Cate Greenlees

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 18:06

A cracking poem Isobel. Clever, literate, witty and full of subtle allusions. lol.Loved the title too!
Cate xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 17:36

Hi Cynthia-lovely poem re a particular level of poverty-but with great respect,I partly agree with Winston,but from personal experience I could easily advise you on a much deeper level,ie-weeks on end-not days without food-blocked up toilets-doors hanging off-mental and sexual abuse-watching parents near killing each other-literally having to boil grass to have something to eat-on occasions also having to walk tens of miles to relatives,to get food.the list goes on-and believe me,much deeper! bit different from hand washing clothes etc? And of course there are the even much poorer people,who would make my past life seem like luxury! poverty is? mmmmmmm good question.Absolutely no disrespect to you dear Lady,but I was only pointing out to you my view,having unfortunately lived it.But in its self,a beautiful poem,as yours always tend to be.Thank you-Stefan-x

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 17:23

I agree with Cynthia, you are on a poetry roll of bloomin' good stuff Banksyperson! xx

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 17:18

I don't think infused coffee beans have made it down to Cornwall yet! I actually liked the first verse best. Do critics ever add anything to a poem? Except their opinion of course! xx

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Banksy

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 17:01

Hi Augusta - "Dreams" - thanks for the comments. it's based on a true story & the crux is that if you want something badly enough, you can sometimes make your dreams come true & the narrator is just telling that tale. B

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Banksy

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 16:58

Hi Cyn - "Dreams" - thanks for the comments. it's based on a true story & the crux is that if you want something badly enough, you can sometimes make your dreams come true & the narrator is just telling that tale. B

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Banksy

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 16:56

Hi - thanks for the comments. it's based on a true story & the crux is that if you want something badly enough, you can sometimes make your dreams come true. B

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Jeff Dawson

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 16:18

Nice one Isobel, and thanks for your comments on WOL & F-Book about 'Colt 45 Nights'

Like what you've done here, personally I can never find time to allude (and if I do I don't know it) or join in the discussions! Good stuff though I think you have a point! Jeff X

ps Liked Beautiful minds but not getting caught in the cross fire! X

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Isobel

Sat 3rd Apr 2010 15:55

Thanks for your allusion to Aristotle - who the hell was he? He sounds profound - I shall have to do some research! LOL

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