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John Coopey

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:23

Hello Cate.
Thanks for your thoughts on Senior. A teacher at school advised us to only write about what we knew about! Old age I know about.

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:22

Thank you for thanking me John - but I am so old I can't remember what you are thanking me for now! ;-)

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John Coopey

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:21

Thanks P for your comments on Senior.

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alan barlow

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:21

yeah i felt that the dockers were returning to the hookers open arms from their stint on the sea ;-)

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Philipos

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:20

Hi Alan - not sure where you got the dockers from - the ladies of the night were hookers or did I misunderstand what you were referring to - good to hear from you again though

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John Coopey

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:20

'Ey up, Foxy.
Thanks for your comments on Senior. It's all autobiographical as you expected!

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Philipos

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:19

Hi Alan - re: Leaving of Liverpool - not sure where you got the dockers from - the ladies were hookers or did I misunderstand what you were referring to - good to hear from you again though

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alan barlow

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:11

i thought this was going down a dark path the further i read and like the flippant last line for the ending

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alan barlow

Mon 10th Jan 2011 20:09

i originally started ready with a suspicious nature in that the scousers were going to take a bashing again and then let myself settle down to the fact that i was to read about a (ferry trip dont know why)and then ended up reading about dockers, i feel worn out !!

i liked the liver bird reference though ;-)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 10th Jan 2011 19:25

thanks Petrova-painful it would be-when it comes around for-us all! ooer miss/is Fairhurst-many ta,s to you-S.W.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 10th Jan 2011 19:18

'off the spindle of a most athletic wind' in this opening line is one of the most dramatic images I have ever read. This is a very fine poem, worth mulling over and over.

Did you mean us to understand 'outdo'?

I googled this term HIKIKOMORI and found 'extreme social withdrawal'. I did not follow the intricacies of discussion. I wonder what they call bona fide hermits, or self-isolated prophets? You have tackled a very complex subject with great acuity. Is really good poetry teachy-preachy by its very nature? I believe it is, in the sense of sharing an old message in a new way. Even the most esoteric stream of words evokes a response from the reader, and hence an opening for intercommunication, which is, in my opinion, always a form of learning.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 10th Jan 2011 19:09

Re: Winter Walk. 'girlhood' it was and stays. I reviewed my thinking and decided what I have is what I wanted, for those same reasons which you so eloquently shared.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 19:06

There are many phrases and sentences I like in this piece Joshua, the first verse in particular grabbed my attention, love "Brutally descriptive poignancy", "whispered nuances" and "prattled with passion"
My only grievance is with the line concluding, "neither can truly considered to be worse" it's length, for me drags, perhaps can truly be considered worse would fit better? Otherwise a very thought provoking piece x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:54

I do like the rhythm of this Philipos and the internal rhymes that are few but enough to give the whole pieces a nice flow. Particularly like "pummelling of mighty waves" being a lover of the sea in all her moods & a scuba diving instructor the nautical theme resonated well with me :) x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:48

Oooh, ouch! Though this feels painful I like it, succinct. I love the "grievous seconds" and the "leering facsimile" x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:43

What a haunting piece, especially the last two verses, love the last two lines, though there are other images I like too like the mirage of saturn's rings, but the last two lines fill me with such melancholy... x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:38

Hi Andy and thanks for commenting on "Second Skin" incidentally, did you think it from a female perspective in spite of my comment to the contrary or before it? xXx

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:33

Thanks for you comments Laura on "Second Skin" I liked the silk and branding lines too he he ;) x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:14

Hi Julian, thanks for the advice which I always listen to but make my own mind up about ;) x

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Banksy

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:12

Thanks to all. xx

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:12

Thanks for your feedback Isobel & mud wrestling eh? Can I watch - lol! X

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Banksy

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:11

Thanks Laura x (you & I poem)

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Banksy

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:10

Thanks Laura x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 10th Jan 2011 18:09

Thank you all so much for your comments. I'm so glad I posted this now, I have another on the same theme and I wasn't sure which to post. Your encouragement has boosted my confidence to trust myself when it comes to writing what I feel and in whose voice, whether it is apparent or not. I guess sometimes its easier to say something from a different perspective and safer too. xXx

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Antonionioni

Mon 10th Jan 2011 17:39

Thanks Andy and Janet! It's good to know there are still some of us who can play a mean comb!

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alan barlow

Mon 10th Jan 2011 16:17

thanks folks appreciated i feel another version of this coming along probably with more play around the title though, stay tuned

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:44

Hi Laura,
thanks very much for commenting on my childhood poem. I notice you wrote one too. Off to check it out now ;-)

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:43

So good you commented twice :-)
(just joking) thanks for comment on my childhood poem. No chance of ever winning a comp but it's worth a shot just for the exercise ;-)

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:37

This is neat!

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:35

I found this quite haunting. In my understanding Mars and Venus represent opposites that have an attraction. The only way they will ever survive together is by losing their past and communicating in the future. Sounds like hard work but relationships often are :-)

Sorry i went all starry eyed and my comment may or may not be of the nature you intended to receive but that's me.x

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:31

Thank you, Steve!

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:27

Hi Bernie, thanks for commenting on my 'childhood' poem.
You are very kind. I'm off to read some of your latest entries now :-)

Janet.x

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:25

Thanks for commenting so quickly on my childhood poem. Response beneath the entry :-)

Aren't the new profiles great!
You got a great portfolio here now with all your audios easy to find in one listing.

Janet.x

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Greg Freeman

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:20

Cheers for your comments on East Budleigh, Andy. I hope the tone isn't just sad, but is also about how we view the past, and yearn to preserve it in a certain way. I was interested that you linked it to the wartime death of your uncle in Burma. My father survived - lucky for me - after three years as a prisoner of the Japanese in Thailand. Greg

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:20

Thanks for comments which are very much appreciated.

Isobel - I think each verse is about after-life in a sense. Life after the various stages in life where i believe we are all as children in a new experience :-)

Steve - I don't think it actually meets the criteria for a ghazal, though it did occur to me that with a bit of tweaking and more work it could become one. I'm working on a different project at present and this one as Isobel says was pulled out the bag :-)

Thanks to Bernie, Andy and Laura :-)

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:11

Great poem with elements of honesty.
Love it :-)

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 15:07

A heartfelt poem this Isobel and one i can identify with too as will many other women and some men i would imagine. It isn't exclusive to women only.

Well done with your audio too. It gives me an opportunity to hear it as you perform it in the comfort of my own home where i can savour the words. Thank you.xx

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 14:57

I wonder if there wasn't an image and you had only used your surname or an alias whether anyone would actually question if it was written by a male or female. I think that this poem shows the real beauty in the use of 'I' :-)

I really enjoyed reading this.x

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Mon 10th Jan 2011 14:54

Thankyou for your comments Cynthia, I really apprecaite you reading my work. x

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 14:47

The first line of this pulled me in.
Personally i tend to reach for the Horlicks..works every time ;-)

Enjoyed :-)

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Janet Ramsden

Mon 10th Jan 2011 14:41

ha ha...interesting sound track you got going there Antonionioni :-)
it reminded me of the days when we used to cover the comb teeth with newspaper and play the comb. My lips are itchy just thinking about it.
Enjoyed listening..not too sure about verse 6, it seems a bit off key but on the whole, it is a very fun piece which is all part of enjoying the performance poetry scene.x

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 10th Jan 2011 13:54

If societal is what you writ, societal is what you meant.
Don't play to the crowd; and don't listen to me.

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Isobel

Mon 10th Jan 2011 13:46

ps I prefer society's - it seems more natural on the tongue - flows better.

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Isobel

Mon 10th Jan 2011 13:44

Yes - I like this one too - and think it can apply to male and female - though I imagine women not wanting to wash for different reasons. The smell of sex preserves the memory and the moment. I imagine women would be more prone to want to preserve that memory. It is probably blasphemous to say that though and me, Laura and whoever else will probably end up mud wrestling to thrash that generalisation out....

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Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jan 2011 11:35

Ooo very topical. Like the lines:

'like yesterday,
until tomorrow,'

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Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jan 2011 11:33

Love this Janet - like how you play with repetition and subtly change meaning

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Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jan 2011 11:32

Agree entirely re time being a manmande obsession - have had many an argument about this!! Excellent poem - really like it, always love questions in pomes

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Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jan 2011 11:18

Really like this Isobel...reminds me of my own lost years, 7 of them to be precise, when I was trying to be a person that everyone 'approved' of.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 10th Jan 2011 11:03

Hehehe - good funny poem this, enjoyed it :)

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