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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:47

Powerful and scary - evoking the right mix of emotions to provoke the audience (this will be / has been (?) brilliant performed). Loved "cooking of the kidneys" - horrible but also nice touch of black humour. Or is that just me!

Comment is about I am Mox (blog)

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:30

Many strong lines here: "forgotten relics of kinder times" / "truculent fractures" / "slides slick over senses". Just one suggestion: should it be "when nothing's expected disappointment / pays no call"? Liked the alliteration used to slide lines 1 into 2 and 2 into 3. xxx

Comment is about Twisting Knives (blog)

Original item by Petrova C Fairhurst

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:21

Would love to hear this performed, Dave. The rhythm of the repitition is wonderful. I think Petrova's comment "what do they know?" is likley to be quite a common response but that's the point of what you are saying I think.

Comment is about Our secrets (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:14

Really put a smile on my face: "these gushing gossiping gargoyles" / "no joined-up thinking here".
And the touch of evolution in the ammonites & Ammonites from the Old Testament (?intentional? - very clever!). Really enjoyed your poem.

Comment is about putting the world to rights (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:08

Some very powerful images here: "They’ve emptied dictionaries tonight" - fantastic line.

Comment is about alpha et omega (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:05

Everything we said last Tuesday - love this poem. Really appreciate how succinct and evocative it is. x

Comment is about FLOUNDERING (blog)

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Elaine Booth

Mon 21st Mar 2011 20:02

Loved the surreal feel - the clue's in the picture you posted with the poem! Perhaps it's the "On waking" and then in line 5 "I hold.." that might throw the reader - not quite sure if you really have woken or not.
I like how you end on a question. xxx

Comment is about on waking (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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winston plowes

Mon 21st Mar 2011 19:59

Hi Graham No its the Raid Alpine in september for me -38 cols / 740 km / 7 days / 18,000m of climbing. Thanks for looking in, glad you liked the poem. Win

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Terry White

Mon 21st Mar 2011 19:27

I'm so glad it left you wanting to know more. Believe it or not, the rest of the story is just the filler. I really wanted something small that almost took you into a story, then pulled back and left you with nothing but curiosity.

Comment is about A Single Night (blog)

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winston plowes

Mon 21st Mar 2011 19:16

They're soaked in the walls of houses,
but kept from the ears of spouses.

Realy clever lines those 2 Dave. Win ;-)

Comment is about Our secrets (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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winston plowes

Mon 21st Mar 2011 19:14

Hi Dave. This trip was a couple of years ago. This year (Sept) I am doing something called the Raid Alpine which is tough. Thanks for googlizing. In the world of pro cycling the olympic title has not been as highly regarded as in other sports. Glad you liked the poem. Win x

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 21st Mar 2011 18:30

Ooh, like this a lot. Got a bit excited at first and thought, "what do they know?" Then caught a glimpse of the title again and said to myself, "oh, aye! Read the title silly!"

Excellent piece Dave, light hearted but thought provoking & deep all at the same time! x

Comment is about Our secrets (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 21st Mar 2011 18:20

Loved "smoke signals" I thought you captured very well the behind-the-eyes dramas of man & woman in that particular moment.

The omega, "to ashes" was just so painful, I could bleed. Well written and a reminder of why I choose to be single right now! "Desolation Street" - it's simply too sore. xXx

Comment is about alpha et omega (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 21st Mar 2011 18:08

I know the feeling! Often wish my memories would bog off & give me a rest too. Nicely put John xXx

Comment is about FLOUNDERING (blog)

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Banksy

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:59

the first gives me shivers - marvellous.
"as innocence steps into the night to hail the last cab on the street". = perfection !
as Isobel says - "wonderful crafting".

Comment is about alpha et omega (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

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Petrova Fairhurst

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:59

Poignant piece Adam, sparks remembrance in me of my painful teenage years but for different reasons which never-the-less allow this poem to resonate strongly, thank you, I feel seen!

Comment is about Criminally Fragile (blog)

Original item by AJ McKenna

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:53

Hi Terry,

I enjoyed this little snapshot. I'm not usually too keen on "first person" poetry, but this worked for me simply because of the enigmatic twist at the end. Those last three lines take the poem in an entirely different direction.

I think you could lose the second stanza, which doesn't add anything in terms of "direction."

The best quality is that it leaves the reader wanting to know more about our trio - asking more questions than it answers.

And I'm a sucker for dimples too - wherever they're situated on the female form (blushes!)

Short, succinct, stylish.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about A Single Night (blog)

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Banksy

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:52

Ha - dont listen to grumpy old Graham (not unless you agree, that is ). I love it. And you are right about dreams anyway - say what you like, do what you like - it's your dream ! BTW - in my dreams it's always trains (missing, wrong one, etc).

Comment is about on waking (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Winston (Admin)

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:31

Hi Rachel, Interesting writing. Welcome to WOL. Winston

Comment is about Rachel Rose Reid (poet profile)

Original item by Rachel Rose Reid

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Alison Smiles

Mon 21st Mar 2011 15:47

I'm not a mum and you managed to tug at my hardened heart strings. Loved it.

Comment is about I Dreamt You Were Little Again (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Chris Lawrence

Mon 21st Mar 2011 14:23

Hi Andy changed my posting, will work better , i have some work on my profile and will post some more.

Comment is about My book Air of Fall (blog)

Original item by Chris Lawrence

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andy n

Mon 21st Mar 2011 14:05

I agree with Anthony here Chris. Worth looking at the link as it was a bit fiddly getting it to work, and that will put people off.

Samples I always think are important on things like lulu.com.

Good luck.. A

Comment is about My book Air of Fall (blog)

Original item by Chris Lawrence

Deborah Jordan

Mon 21st Mar 2011 14:02

thank you Dave xx

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Deborah Jordan

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:53

thank you Anthony. just a brief return for now I think because of this ‘story.’ I’m somewhat caught up in it and others like it right now and needed to express some part of it all. thank you for your kind words. I hope you are well: )

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Original item by Anthony Emmerson

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Banksy

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:35

Thanks Anthony - any words from the master much appreciated. B

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

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Ledger de la Bald

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:33

Beautifully put together John.

Comment is about I Dreamt You Were Little Again (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Banksy

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:31

mmm - good point - this conversation is getting sillier by the minute :)

Comment is about the gathering (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Ledger de la Bald

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:30

Hello Greg. Thanks for the tip re correct way to allow dead goldfish to mature prior to consuming. I shall certainly bear it in mind for next time.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Ledger de la Bald

Mon 21st Mar 2011 13:05

Why, thank you kind sir. Your appreciation makes me realise that the Goldfish did not die in vain.

Comment is about Banksy (poet profile)

Original item by Banksy

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Chris Lawrence

Mon 21st Mar 2011 12:38

I will post two pieces from the book that appeared in Troubador21 magazine, thanks for looking Anthony

Comment is about My book Air of Fall (blog)

Original item by Chris Lawrence

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Jules Clare

Mon 21st Mar 2011 11:57

Thank you, it is actually Willington

Comment is about My Home Town (blog)

Original item by Jules Clare

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 11:42

Hi Janet,

I don't think this needs any tinkering with. You're having us on! It works well for me, the line breaks being effective punctuation. Don't chuck it away again!

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about The One That Got Away (blog)

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 11:32

Hi Dave,

Now we all know who knows! Nicely thought out and constructed. I guess you could take the last line a few ways. So, what's your secret?

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Our secrets (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 11:27

"Allo my darlings!"

Charlie Drake! Now that is showing my age:

"I wakes up every mornin when the clock strikes eight,
I am always punctual - never never late.
Wiv me little round of toast I toddles off to work,
I do the best I can.
Cos I'm only doin what a bloke should do -
Cos I'm oly a workin man!"

Now, after that short burst of nostalgia to the poem:

Some very exact chronological images here - if a little scathing methinks! I love it when "scents" appear in a poem, nothing else quite puts a reader "right there."

The best part, for me, was:

"they're purring secret worlds into my head

these gushing gossiping gargoyles

in pink rinses

in pacamacs

in 4711"

Enjoyed muchly.

Regards,
A.E.


Comment is about putting the world to rights (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 10:19

Hi Ann,

I always admire those who dare write about their dreams. Yours seem very well defined and vivid. Do you have a hankering for the Harem?

Do you believe that dreams have meaning - or are they jusy our brains doing their "filing" while we sleep? Loved "whale thick sea."
The only dreams I ever seem to be able to remember are the recurring ones ; especially those where I have the ability to fly. I never want to wake up from those.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about on waking (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Winston (Admin)

Mon 21st Mar 2011 10:17

Hi Alan

Welcome to WOL . Looking forward to seeing your samples.

Winston

Comment is about Alan Gillott (poet profile)

Original item by Alan Gillott

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Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 10:11

Hi Chris,

Just to let you know that your link isn't working - you need to include the "lawrencejoefish" in the link. I did take a look at the site/book after some tinkering, but was disappointed to find that there were no samples of your work. Why not post some here?

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about My book Air of Fall (blog)

Original item by Chris Lawrence

Deborah Jordan

Mon 21st Mar 2011 10:11

Congratualtions on your provisional book launch ! It's good to see someone doing readings and events in places I know.regards, Deb : )

Comment is about News From Jules (blog)

Original item by Jules Clare

Deborah Jordan

Mon 21st Mar 2011 10:08

Hi Jules, this reminds me of Southmoor, I passed through there the other day and there's nothing much left open,mind same goes for Stanley and many other Co Durham towns now and it's sad. Nice to see so many ponies still around though.regards,Deb : )

Comment is about My Home Town (blog)

Original item by Jules Clare

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Rachel Bond

Mon 21st Mar 2011 09:51

i feddwl efallai y mynyddoedd gael yn y ffordd

Comment is about the gathering (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Jules Clare

Mon 21st Mar 2011 09:43

My GP has offered to frame this and put it on the surgery wall. I have had a poemk in the Northen Echo todasy. Funny how they always change the title.

Comment is about Consultation (blog)

Original item by Jules Clare

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Laura Taylor

Mon 21st Mar 2011 09:42

Mornin chuck

Re cycle haiku - there's a question mark because although we've got to the end of the poem, we haven't got to the end of the cycle. It questions the notion of being complete, because the cycle cannot be so :)

You weirdo, having a clean teen bedroom ;p

Comment is about Shoeless Carole (poet profile)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

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Banksy

Mon 21st Mar 2011 08:12

Arthur Haynes, eh?
I knew him before he wrote all them manuals.

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 21st Mar 2011 05:53

So, all these little old ladies don't even bother to switch off their mobile phones in church then? What IS the world coming to! Re Charlie Drake, I have a vague memory of him. I had a school friend whose grandad was Arthur Haynes - there I go - namedropping! ;-)

Comment is about putting the world to rights (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Steve Regan

Mon 21st Mar 2011 00:10

A great poetic call to conscience to all those who have held, and continue to hold, the foolish and evil belief in human autonomy that has damaged the world so badly over the past few decades.

Particularly good lines...

'Fellow-prisoners know, but not mates

The barmaid knows, but not dates.

They're soaked in the walls of houses,

but kept from the ears of spouses.'

Big cheers for contemporary gnostics.

Comment is about Our secrets (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

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Banksy

Sun 20th Mar 2011 23:07

Mr Pew ?(pugh)... I dunno - you young 'uns - no proper education. Hmph ! (clue - Charlie Drake)

Comment is about putting the world to rights (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Banksy

Sun 20th Mar 2011 23:07

Mr Pew ?(pugh)... I dunno - you young 'uns - no proper education. Hmph ! (clue - Charlie Drake)

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 20th Mar 2011 22:47

Ah, I think I got distracted by Charlie Drake, William Tell and Kemo Sabe! Were they in church too? And who's Mr Pew - another one of your cats? :)

Comment is about putting the world to rights (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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Banksy

Sun 20th Mar 2011 22:23

ah - dylan Thomas - I see - you're way ahead of me there. Seriously - I've nothing against the Welsh - just a bit of a laugh :D
and churches - I'm not mad keen, but pretty ones like Cartmel Priory are a revelaton. I much prefer old mosques & minarets for some indefinable reason - I dont really know why, as I have no particular like or dislike of islam

Comment is about Shoeless Carole (poet profile)

Original item by Shoeless Carole

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shoeless

Sun 20th Mar 2011 22:15

i guess it does and coincidentally what i had for tea :)
i like french churches . cathedrals too and they are open

Comment is about the gathering (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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