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Ray Miller

Tue 3rd May 2011 10:50

Thanks, Ann and Isobel.We've started fostering again after several years break(beats a proper job) and it is,as Isobel surmised, the difficulty of doing anything else apart from look after kids. I thought I'd never write a thing again but I'm slowly resurfacing.The thing about nursery rhymes - and I know them all - they are so insidious, they really do go round and round your head all day long. And I'm not a New Man just a very, very old one.

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Banksy

Tue 3rd May 2011 10:23

thanks Dave :)

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Banksy

Tue 3rd May 2011 10:23

thanks Dave :)

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Jon

Mon 2nd May 2011 22:54

Hey John!

Simple yet moving! Got me thinking!

Best wishes
Jonboy

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Francine

Mon 2nd May 2011 22:41

Je trouve que c'est très bien exprimé... et moi je suis pareille ; )

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 21:20

Well done you for getting this going again. Have already started writing one but it's miserable as sin so I'll wait for something more miserable to be posted first so I can hide in its shadow.

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 21:01

Ha ha - we'll fight them on the beaches... won't we Francine!

Julian - thanks for your contribution - much appreciated. You are technically right about all moments being in time. I just think that the phrase visually re-inforces the suspension of the moment - for me at least. The poem would flow just as well without it though so it's a matter of preference I suppose.

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David Cooke

Mon 2nd May 2011 20:36

Hi Simon Thanks for your kind comments on La Nue Provencale & good to see you here on WOL. I recognize your Parakeets because Greg spoke highly of it to me a while ago. Greg knows a good poem when he sees one! If you're on Face Book and want to hook up I am

www.facebook.com/davidcookepoet

Will look again at Parakeets and will check out Noir when I can give them proper attention.

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Simon Wright

Mon 2nd May 2011 20:30

Hi Isobel - I'm not sure why I appear in the Wigan WOL group, as I live in Surrey. Cheers, Simon

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Dave Bradley

Mon 2nd May 2011 20:24

Have to agree with the others, Graham. A lovely poem celebrating a special time of year

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Dave Bradley

Mon 2nd May 2011 20:23

I like this Banksy, though can't say why. Time is a very strange thing

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Francine

Mon 2nd May 2011 16:15

Ray - pressed (flattened) paper aeroplanes in a book when opened would pop up and flutter a bit (in the wind)... just use your imagination ; )

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 2nd May 2011 15:56

I love the warmth of the contributions, as much as that expressed in the poem; a reflected warmth, I reckon.
I too, like to try removing what seem extraneous words. Aren't all moments "in time"?

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Julian (Admin)

Mon 2nd May 2011 15:48

Superb, Jackie. There is an entire dissertation's worth of meaning in the title alone. "the ghost of what I imagined you would be" stands for so many other forms of relating, besides mother/infant. A raw honesty here that chafes a little like dry sheets to a new-born. Excellent stuff.

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 11:50

Hot,hot, hot - the way I like my men - burning the skin in fact!

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David Cooke

Mon 2nd May 2011 11:16

Yes, you could well be right about that Greg. Who was it said 'Once a Catholic.... ?'

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 11:03

But was it a hot shower - or a warm one? ;)

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 10:50

At the risk of being the biggest commenter on my own stuff LOL - I just wanted to say one last thing. Am going to leave the heat/warmth as is. Mulled it over in the shower and realised exactly what I was trying to say. Heat for me equates to passion, warmth to tenderness. You need both for a healthy relationship - though many have a problem with one or the other. All new relationships have promise though - that's what keeps us going!

Thank you everyone who commented. x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 2nd May 2011 10:12

This bird poem was written last May, Isobel, when there was more rain. There is a marked difference this year, with such a dry spell here in the Northwest. I hesitated to post it after such a recent 'bird poem'. I adore most birds, with even a grudging admiration for the magpies and feral pigeons.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:55

Ann, you are on the ball! They are two separate references, but obviously can be read together as a 'couple'. I changed it only recently too; now I must fix the ambiguity, but can't remember what I had before.

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David Cooke

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:45

Hi Cynthia I've had another look at La Nue Provencale and think that, hopefully, I've made it reflect better what you actually see in the image. The time sequence in the first stanza is now maybe a bit more straight forward. See what you reckon.

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:39

Ooo - I like your thoughts on 'worn' Ann - that works just as well. That's what I love about language - its nuances. That's what I love about this site - communing with people who share the same passion for language. It isn't about perfection for me - it's the quest for it maybe - and the exploration. Gosh - I could start writing another poem!
I think I'll hand the warmth/heat to the Miller/Buell-Thomas corner - I should probably have looked for a different word. Can't think of one off hand - hope would be too close to promise - I'll chew it over.

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:32

Like it Isobel. I was thinking of "worn" as in worn threadbare sort of thing. It's nice to read your own thoughts on your poem too. And in one way the poem reads like ancient love letter from say a WWI soldier, and yet also hints at an up to date parallel, perhaps in your own life.x

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:30

I'd agree Ann - I think old nursery rhymes give us a wealth of imagery to use in poetry if you really look hard at the original meanings. I once started writing a poem using that very same nursery rhyme - never finished it though... probably got interrupted by the kids!

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:27

I feel very dense - do oranges and lemons come into it? That always used to scare the hell out of me! Very sinister that chant "Here comes a candle to light you to bed. Here comes a chopper to chop off your head!" HELP!!!!

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:26

I'm assuming this is about the difficulty even 'New Men' have in looking after children. I may be wrong of course - I have been with many of yours in the past.

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Ray Miller

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:26

Last 4 lines are really nice, a bit prayer-like, I thought. Would something that's been pressed flutter? I tried it on a shirt and the answer was no.I'd still agree with Cynthia about heat and warmth.

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Isobel

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:23

It does the same to some women Ray...

I can remember one song I had to sing quite vividly 'The wheels on the bus go round and round...' - it's a newer version of the mulberry bush song - repetitive and mind blowing.

I like the humour in this - it's a bit whacky - especially the 'even when confined to brackets'. Perhaps it's harder for a poet to have their minds confined in this way - we are all dreamers, after all...

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:18

You have tantalised me with this one Ray! A good poem, I've read it several times. Intriguing!

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:12

Hi Greg - Thanks! I'm off to Lundy for a few days - so hopefully lots of looking out to sea for me! (Where's those sea sickness pills?) :)

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Greg Freeman

Mon 2nd May 2011 09:04

You're looking out to sea again, Ann. Some of your best poems do that.

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David Cooke

Mon 2nd May 2011 07:49

Hi Cynthia Thanks for the very considered response to my provencal lady. I'm thinking about your comments. I have slightly shifted my time frame to before the point we see in the photo which may have complicated it all a bit. By the way if you write a poem about a painting it's call 'ekphrastic' ( if that's how you spell it!). I suppose you can use it for photos as well. I thought the time sequence made sense. She wakes up early before the sun is up but then eventually gets up herself a bit later. I think, though, that I may have to tinker with the bit about the shutter. She probably opens it when the sun is much stronger than I suggest so 'seep' and 'premonition' might need changing. Maybe 'sweep' and 'summons' - but it's got to have the right sound/cadence. Btw my new collection 'In the Distance' is now available on Amazon if you fancy a signed copy!

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 2nd May 2011 07:19

Thanks but - who WERE all those nuns?

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Francine

Mon 2nd May 2011 07:15

J'aime beaucoup ce poème...
Romanticism interlaced with such beautiful language!

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Isobel

Sun 1st May 2011 23:46

What a lovely tribute to May day. How sad is it that only old poets like thee and me can remember it is a day to celebrate? My kids were oblivious to its significance until I told them today. I remember all the kids on our neighbourhood dressing up, choosing a queen, getting money off the neigbours buying chocolate biscuits and dandelion and burdock - then it was off to the woods, unsupervised to play.
I love the traditional feel to your poem which is so in keeping with the custom - love the personification of the blossom as well - one feels your sap is rising Graham...

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Indigo

Sun 1st May 2011 23:44

This is brilliant, really deep and raw xo

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Isobel

Sun 1st May 2011 23:39

Have just noticed that you are a member of the Wigan WOL group - can't understand why you are not showing up in the group - it is saying there are only 3 members so far - I'm wondering if that is happening to other people. Hope to see you there some time anyway.

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Isobel

Sun 1st May 2011 23:33

Thanks for your comment on my poem Simon and welcome to WOL. I've enjoyed reading your poetry - it is very rich.

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Isobel

Sun 1st May 2011 23:24

Thanks for your comments folks - I really do appreciate them and am always up for a bit of crit. I often want to offer it myself and hedge around wondering whether the poet is robust enough to take it...
When I started writing the poem I had pressed flowers in my head but changed it to paper planes - I suppose they are pressed initially before we open them up LOL but I take your point Cynthia. I did consider taking the 'aero' out to make the alliteration even more pronounced but didn't do it in the end - thank Goodness!
I did think about heat and warmth being near synonymous as well - but as Francine says - it reflects degree - also the importance to me of the temperature within a relationship ;)
Now this will make you laugh - the 'threaded to words that can't be worn' - in my minds eye I was remembering the dried melon seeds that we used to make necklaces out of as children - except in my poem these seeds are words that can't be used again - sad isn't it?
I'm glad you questioned it all Cynthia - I like to explain myself - and I like others to understand the way my mind works - most of the time. xx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 21:37

See you tomorrow. I need to catch up with your work.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 21:35

Well done, Ann. You covered a lot of great stuff with a fulsome eye and a quick pen. I really enjoyed the ceremony itself, and the archbishop's big moment. His address was very compelling, even for people who don't believe in formal marriages. Kate's brother did an outstanding job on his reading. It all did seem sincere; I liked that. My fave part was William trying not to trod on her gown as they processed out of the abbey, and still trying to be dignified while petrified. At last the gauntlet was passed and he smiled!

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Francine

Sun 1st May 2011 21:25

I would rarely disagree with Cynthia, but I must say...
'pressed' as in flattened, and 'Heat' and 'warmth' are varying degrees - as in passion and friendliness... and 'threaded to' goes with sown - beautifully.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 21:23

This is very interesting. I like the format even if it is not any 'shape' I recognize; it's a pleasant flow of undulating eye. The ideas are very sensual with some lovely images, like the whole of the final four lines: 'the year which winds before her day/is pregnant in her womb.....becomes my tendril tomb'. Maybe the metaphors get a bit confusing, but the overall 'feeling' is very intrusive if carefully read.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 21:10

This is superb, a feast of 'just right' words capturing a universal amazing moment; marvellously sympathetic. The title alone is a masterstroke of realism.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 21:02

I like this, Isobel, the idea and the diction. But here goes: IMO, I would take out what I consider to be unnecessary words, making the poem even more forceful. eg. 'paper aeroplanes' are automatically 'pressed', so the idea is inherent and doesn't need the triple 'p' alliteration. Leaving it out actually makes the 'paper aeroplanes' more effective, not less. 'Heat' and 'warmth' are repetitious; 'threaded to' doesn't really add anything and detracts from 'words that can't be worn' which is gorgeous. The concluding five lines are superb. I must be feeling my cheerios...I'm done.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 20:49

Reading a lot of Wilde, Kealan? Keep reading.

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Banksy

Sun 1st May 2011 20:25

haha - a veritable smorgasbord of silliness - where DO you get those drugs ??

People neglect to count their legs regularly

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 1st May 2011 20:11

Lovely, lyrical lines evoking a bye-gone era with chaste, old-fashioned words, elegantly crafted, deliberately excessive. Don't choose; take both, the 'Zeus thing'. I do like 'a ribbon romance'.

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Simon Wright

Sun 1st May 2011 18:42

I really liked this powerfully evocative poem.

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Simon Wright

Sun 1st May 2011 18:30

Hi Greg and Julian. Thanks for your comments!

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