A 'Snitch' in Time!
A ‘Snitch’, in Time !
My mother’s mother, Granny Brown
was ‘muchly-loved’, (once) in our town.
The care she gave; her happy ways.
She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.
She liked to knit but not to sell.
Such quality. (oh, you could tell!)
Each item, thoroughly bespoke
- for giving to specific folk.
“Gran, that’s great !” i’d often shout.
“You knit them then you hand ‘em out!
You’ll surely qualify for heaven”.
“Shush!”, she’d laugh. “i’m eighty seven!”
“Don’t be fooled,” she winked at me,
“about my generosity.
Folk pestered me to knit them stuff,
until, one day i’d had enough!
They started taking me for granted
- telling me the things, they wanted.
‘You need help’, your Grandpa said.
So, made some glasses in his shed.
These,” smirked Granny (waving specs)
“help, create some ‘cool-effects’.
Which now makes knitting things, such fun.
I hide a ‘message’ in each one!
The lenses alter colours, slightly:
letting me weave words in, lightly.
Try them on.” smiled Gran (so sweet!).
Then led me out, into the street.
So, ‘glasses-perched’, we hit the ‘Square’
and noticed woollens everywhere.
For, (as it was a chilly day)
my Grandma’s ‘gifts’ were on display.
I gazed around, ‘gob-smacked-ly’,
as Granny’s specs revealed to me
the true extent of what she’d done
- and her opinions of each one!
I had to chuckle at Gran’s pranks,
whenever strangers offered thanks.
For, there, ’emblazened’ ‘on each hem,
she’d knitted, what she thought of them.
First ‘to show’ was Mrs Smart,
whose ‘beanie’ branded her, a “Tart!”
Then, in a boldly-woven thread,
some old bloke’s jumper glowed, “Dick-Head”!
We passed a blanket on a line,
where a complex, patterned ‘sign’
made such a claim, i could not miss.
of, that its owner stunk of..... “something” !
‘Reg’, who ran the corner shop,
sported “Plonker!” on his top.
And - worse (although he stopped to thank ‘er) -
Gran ‘tagged’ Mr Jones, a “Waster”!
This occurred some years ago
and, now Gran’s gone, I miss her so.
I feared her secret trick, ‘though clever
couldn’t stay that way forever.
And sure enough, ‘stuff’ hit the fan,
(’Technology’ exposed my Gran!)
when ‘3D’ films were introduced
and special spectacles were used.
These split the ‘rainbow’s’ spectrum down
(just like the ones from Grandad Brown!)
So, when the ‘Flicks’ screened ‘Avatar’,
the game was up, for ‘Grand-Mama’.
Insults, plainly could be seen
(besides the ads, from ‘Pearl & Dean’),
as 3D-specs scanned ‘woolly-weft’
to highlight all the jibes, she’d left !
A fair, few “Pillocks” were aghast
to learn ‘just what they were’ (at last!).
Whilst “Busy-Bodies”, “Pricks” and “Prats”
all stomped about - in Granny’s hats!
As (thankfully !) she wasn’t there,
they had no option but to wear
her ‘base-invective’, lewd and loud.
(Gran, no doubt chuckling, from her cloud!)
It’s folklore now, but soon played-down,
by townsfolk who knew Granny Brown.
‘Though time has passed, her name’s still ‘Mud’,
but they forget about her ‘good’.
Grandma’s joyfulness and cheer
is seldom found these days, ’round here.
For, (in our town) life’s ‘oh, so bland’
- now, patterned-knitwear’s strictly banned!
John Andrew Nield.