What If

In silence between the whitewashed curtains I stare

My feet dangle from the bed swaying slow and bare 

The street lamp buzzes on just as the darkest hour falls

It’s 12 am and my only company are these four walls


I take a hike backwards on the trails in my mind 

I scavenger in attempt of old memories to find

Wet grass and broken trampolines make me smile

So I search for your boyish grin with every lonely mile 


(12:30) 

As time ticks on acting like an impatient fool 

I try to fix things nailing down “I’m sorry” like a tool. 

 Please don’t you forget the way we laughed that night

If you ever came back, for you I’d do things right


Chasing me around, it's what the restless youth do 

Under the May sun and through the trees with you 

The past is gone and to grow up means feeling true pain

I grip my good sense and dump those thoughts down the drain 



(12:55) 

Fog moved in from the north capturing the stars like Captain Hook

I lean forward placing my hands against the glass to get a better look 

What would it be like if I didn’t fear the unknown

What would happen if you decided not to go 


Would we live in a world of happiness

I know better than to sit here alone and reminisce

Don’t say goodbye and don’t close that door just yet 

Just take a moment and think back to when we first met. 

 

----Part one of "Things He''ll never know." 
 

 









 

◄ Death of a Flame.

Wandering ►

Comments

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Mika

Wed 22nd Jan 2020 15:26

I agree that the time lapse and descriptive imagery work very well here. The words flow easily and I feel what it's like looking out that window.

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poemagraphic

Wed 22nd Jan 2020 14:53

A huge thank you to Don
(My personal spell checker and proofreader).

If Wol members knew how many times he sends me a pm to give me a heads up.

As in what I typed here below today for example, if you were quick off the mark you would have done what some do here and really ripped the piss out of a poets spelling, punctuation, and or grammar.
Thus belittling them, and (AS IS THE CASE WITH A FEW IN THE PAST) Stopped them posting a fabulous poem and obvious subsequent poems and crawl away with their tail between their legs never to be seen again.

I stopped myself posting on the Internet OR INFACT anywhere because of my inability to spell.

Hats off to Don again because he did not even comment on this poem because until he saw I had liked it, He would perhaps not have even seen it.... which would be a huge shame.

WE do tend to like similar stuff, I look at what he likes and vice-verse er (pun intended)

I have written this comment to reassure youdownthere and poets everywhere Spelling is a piece of piss when you know how to do it.

Poetry is a mystery that very few great spellings can ever reach.

There will always be a 'Don' someone who cares about the poet AND the poem.

I never post a poem anywhere else without getting it spell checked by my wife, I don't want the world and his wife, or the world and her husband to think I am shit at spelling and NOT even attempt to understand what is being portrayed in the poem.

I just felt I had to say this, and well just did.
I do feel very strongly about this, and extremely grateful to Don for being at my back.

Also John...
It is such a refreshing sight to see other poets giving advice and comments to us newbies.
Sadly this is not an everyday thing we see here at WOL.

A simple glance back at the comments will show this.

Poets have in the past mostly replied to my comments and questions when I pm them...

Never be afraid to ask for help.

When it is given without you asking sense the intention behind the comments.

This whole thread should be open to debate on another dedicated thread.

However from bitter experience that is hardly ever going to happen (present company excluded)

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John Marks

Wed 22nd Jan 2020 14:41

Hello Jordy. Your poem has a natural swing to it and you instinctively grasp the musicality of words. Try using alliteration, assonance, half-rhyme (a nearly rhyme), internal rhyme (rhyme within the line) rather than a clomping end-of-line rhyme. I really like your style. Your opening verse entices the reader to read on:

In silence between the whitewashed curtains I stare

My feet dangle from the bed swaying slow and bare

The street lamp buzzes on just as the darkest hour falls

It’s 12 am and my only company are these four walls.

Welcome to WOL and, please, write on.

John

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poemagraphic

Wed 22nd Jan 2020 13:47

BTW, It is not so much an if, more of a when.

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poemagraphic

Wed 22nd Jan 2020 13:45

Where have you been all my life!
Well since I joined WOL.

I adored this poem, and the time frame, Great concept.

I also like your reference to the Sun and Moon. in your other works.

I will ask my better half what planet your rising sign is, I am however more interested in where your descendant is placed in your Natal chart.

With your talent for poetry and art is fairly certain what we will see.

The thing is 'you down below' (There is NOTHING 'just' about you) our Kindred Spirit friend.

BTW: Thank you for liking my latest poem... You may find looking back in the WOL archives for 'The UNDERWOOD Pages 1 - 8'

That I referenced at the top of the page.

Catch us up, we will all wait for you with bated breath and much anticipation.

Blessed Be
Po

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