As Humpy Dumpty sat on a wall

- It isn’t that Humpty liked to

sit on a cold draughty old wall

which is the big issue here, it

revolves around the question

as to what caused him to topple

off when all the King’s Horses

and all of the Monarch’s men

couldn’t reassemble him again.

Methinks he could have been

on the Old Captain Morgan’s

hard stuff that was the problem

and he over indulged himself

then got squiffy in a jiffy when

he spotted little Miss Moffet

seated on her tuffet scoffing her

curds and whey, as has been said.

Members of the jury – you have

heard some of the compelling

evidence in this case – so let me

remind us about what any reasonable

man or woman might do in a like -

wise situation. Why was the

scoundrel Humpty absent from his

work desk and ogling away at

those poor servant girls  – let’s hear

some more evidence from Tom

Tom, the piper’s son – perhaps he

can throw a little more light on

what might have been going on.

What’s that Mr Clerk – Tom, Tom,

the Piper’s son has been taken away

for a naughty weekend somewhere!

Near  Scarborough. Whatever next?

And did you also mention he was

peeping behind the hedges at some

of the local girls but claimed he was only

admiring their flouncy curls – this case

gets more serious by the minute. Time

to get the swimming trunks and head off for

those beaches to see out what’s going on.










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Don Matthews

Mon 6th Jan 2020 08:20

Golly gosh! Even McGough couldn't manage a word combo like that


Yes luv?........

Wot's 'old' mean? Miss Bethel spent five (counted on my fingers) lessons teaching is that long McGough-type word combo. We learnt a nursery rhyme she made from it. She was a lovely teacher Eth. Why did she have to die?.......

Can you recite Miss Bethel's nursery rhyme luv?......

I'll try.....

Fuckedup and muddledup
Went up the hill
Muddledup and fuckedup
Met up there Jack/Jill

Where they all got screwed up

Where's the duke of york luv?

Who's he Eth?.......


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Paul Sayer

Sun 5th Jan 2020 20:31

Grand old fuckedupmuddledupscrewedupdukeofyork

Goldpiece? dubloons in your pantyloons


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Sun 5th Jan 2020 20:09

Not a good time to talk about the Duke of York as he inches towards another century - and that - isn't a budgie its my Codpiece. Just ask Thalia - she thinks I look like that geezer in Black Adder - Rowan something?

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Paul Sayer

Sun 5th Jan 2020 18:40

Me, me, take me. I need to do some forensic work on this case and unravel exactly what transpired on that fateful day.

I hear that all the Monarch’s men where neither up the hill, nor down the hill!

It is paramount to the case my lord, to know where actually they where, when this cracking poem was write.

Oh! and why are you wearing that silly wig your honour?

Ready the carriage for our departure

Oh! Just one more thing. Why have you got that budgie hidden in your trunks??


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