Santa's Pride

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You could hear reindeer hoofs a skidding

As they slid across the ground

And the ringing of the sleigh bells

As they peeled round and round


As he galloped into Market Street

In his red hat and coat upon his chest

His name was Santa

And he drove the fastest sled in the West


Now Santa loved a widower

A feller known as Bill

Who owned a pet shop down the lane

He loved to have a thrill


They said he was too good for him

he was haughty, proud and chic

But Santa got his oats there

Three times every week


They called him Santa (Santa)

And he drove the fastest sleigh in the west


Bill said he'd like to have a ride 

Santa said he could have his way

And when he’d delivered all the  prezzies                                                                    

He had Bill on his sleigh


He said you wanted to go faster

But slower is the best

Bill said Santa I'll be happy

If I can just get off my vest


And that tickled old Santa (Santa) 

And he drove the fastest sleigh in the West


Now Santa had a rival

An evil looking man

Called Don who came from Auzzie land 

who hatched an evil plan                                                               


He tempted bill with endless rides

Upon his roller coaster 

And when Bill saw the size, of his meat and two veg

He knew Don weren’t a boaster 


Bill nearly swooned at his candy floss

And Don said, Now if you treat me right

You'll have free roller rides every morning

And we’ll get it up every night


He knew once he'd sampled his super dip  

He'd have his wicked way

And all Santa had to offer

Was a ride upon his sleigh  


Poor Santa (Santa)

And he drove the fastest sleigh in the west


One lunchtime Don saw Santa’s sledge and Rudolf outside Bills door

It drove him mad to find, it was still there at half past four

As he leaped down from his roller coaster

Blood through his veins did course


And he went across to Santa’s sleigh 

And he didn’t arf kick that poor deer 


Who's name was Rudolf (Rudolf)

And he pulled the fastest sled in the west


Now Santa rushed out into the street

With his you know what in his hand

He said if you want to marry Bill

You'll fight for him like a man


Oh! why don't we play cards for him

Don sneeringly replied

And just to make it interesting

We'll have a fiver on the side


Now Santa dragged Don from his ride

And beneath the freezing afternoon sun

They stood there, face to face

Don knew what must be done 


But Santa was to quick for him

Things didn't go the way Don planned

Rudolf, gave Don quite a kick

On the ice he could not stand



Now Bill he ran between them

And tried to keep them apart

Santa pushed him aside

And a stick of rock caught him underneath his heart


And he looked up in pained surprise

As his belt buckle began to rust 

And his bright red hat hit the ground

Santa bit the dust


Poor Santa (Santa)

And he drove the fastest sleigh in the west


Santa was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die

Now he's gone to deliver prezzies

In that prezzie round in the sky

Where the customers are angels


And ferocious dogs are banned

Now Santa’s life is full of fun

In that fairy elf filled land


But a man’s needs are many fold

And Bill he married Don

But strange things happened on their wedding night

As they both lay in their bed


Was that the trees a rustling?

Or Don’s roller coaster ride

Or Santa’s ghostly sleigh bells

Tinkerling tolling Santa’s proud gay pride.


They won't forget old Santa (Santa) 

And he drove the fastest sleigh in the west




Special thanks to the late great Benny Hill for adapting his super hit song

“Ernie The fastest milkman in the west”


No Reindeer were harmed in the writing of this song

Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental

PoSilly Santa song

◄ Government shills

The descent into Hades’ and beyond! ►


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Jeff Dawson

Sat 4th Jan 2020 10:58

You're welcome Po, and likewise for 2020 to what you said!

I know, one of reasons I like facebook is that it is so easy to organise a gig, must have been completely different in the old days having to put posters out everywhere or put in local papers!

You're right we can reach out to many groups but then that's where it's inappropriate use is the curse you mentioned 😞

Anyway, stick in there ready for a bumpy ride - pleased to ;et you know my Rise Again poem is to be published in the Morning Star - best wishes, keep on writing, Jeff 😃

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Paul Sayer

Sun 29th Dec 2019 13:12

Hi Jeff

Thanks for reading this and commenting... I really enjoyed writing this, I was going to sing it, I really need to get the hang of my recording software.

I adored Christmas and Benny Hill!

Your comment regarding social media is interesting. It is both a curse and a blessing.

I intend to make full use of the infernal thing in 2020

We can reach out to so many. Young, old, males, females, gay, bi, straight, any age, colour, race, religion, size... etc etc.

There are so many issues that this world and it's inhabitants need to address, I see poetry as the universal leveller.

So many things are effecting all of us collectively. I see poetry as a way to bring down barriers, crush suppression, lift restrictions,

I say fuck conventionalism!

Dare to be different, dare to speak out for the minorities, for those who don't have a voice, for the afraid, the homeless, those living in fear of who they are, afraid to be different.

I look forward to reading more from you in 2020

Keep on writing and thanks again for reading my work Jeff 😃

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Jeff Dawson

Sun 29th Dec 2019 11:42

Hi Po, hope you're good - really enjoyed this my friend, being old enough to remember the original being in the charts, I really appreciated this!! Nice one 😃

Thanks again for your comments, really appreciated those on 'Rise Again', glad you enjoyed it - yes we are living in strange volatile times, I remember both my Dad and late Mum voting for Labour, they were working class background, toolmaker and mum work in the mills, they always went to the labour club! But that was it, they didn't go on about it all the time, or have cross words for those voting otherwise - social media and the way of the world now 😞

Keep on writing and thanks again for reading my work, Jeff 😃

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 22nd Dec 2019 01:24

What fun!
Santa loved his chosen bit of totty
Even if others thought him dotty;
But jealousy would see him blotto
Red nosed with Rudolf in his Grotto!
Benny Hill - bless his memory - would have enjoyed this cheeky

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Paul Sayer

Sat 21st Dec 2019 08:06

I try to write a serious piece of work Mr Matthews about a very famous and deeply loved slightly rotund man with a white beard and red suit and welly boots,

and his equally loved pet reindeer (Who has a slightly red nose because of the cold... (Well that and perhaps a few too many brandy filled mince pies, which the nice man at the pet shop said he should not eat btw)

And you take the Jimmy riddle (Don't eat the yellow snow,, rhyming slang)

Rolf Harris is name we never mentio.....DoH! You gone and made me mention him nearly. Curses!

Look you made your bed now go and lie on it!!!

There that's him told!

Oh! and by the way


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Don Matthews

Sat 21st Dec 2019 01:54

Much fodder here Po: Sorry to take up all your comment box. It's all your fault....

("I still find it strange, when I write something that is not at all what I set out to write")

It's not strange Po it's normal for us. My mind leads me on a merry dance often. It's what Jessica Masterson says ' The next time your mind wanders follow it around for a while"

("the Aussie who we are afraid to mention these days")

Who's 'e talking about Eth?.......

Dunno luv....seems he's put the fear of God in them...

Maybe they scared of competition?.....

Them Aussies got to be treated careful-like Eth....don't upset them...

Wise words luv...surprises me from someone who didn't get past kindy.....

Yes Eth, that Miss Bethel was a lovely teacher ....

(I did think about just reciting it and using the music as a bed)

Can you buy music beds in Norfolk Eth?

Yes luv, Dial-a-Mood beds are available all over UK....

Po seems to like recital music beds......

I've heard some poet luv, John Coopey I think's his name (don't think it's Coopy) prefers more racy music beds.....

I had a racecar when I was a boy Eth.......It broke after 3 days....I hope Mr Coopey's bed lasts more than 3 days.....

( I have not had the quality time needed to understand the software yet)

blip...blip... I can help you there Po.

Be careful Po. She can't even find her spaceship snowscreen clearing knob. And don't think earth software is in her Earthspeak Dictionary. Silly writers of it again. Obviously not Australian.

(melding and merging)

EAP would be pleased

Eth?.....Was Po was talking about a different Don?......

Yes luv...the Don we know is not gay......


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Paul Sayer

Fri 20th Dec 2019 22:00

Hello Ruth, I was going to recite this but the music made it hard to time it correctly.

I did think about just reciting it and using the music as a bed.

I might just give it a bash with a Norfolk inflection without any backing music at all.

I have not used my recording set up yet.

I have been so ill and so busy this year with things, that I have not had the quality time needed to understand the software yet.

I have so many projects on my mind at the moment.
I intended to post this last Christmas! Not this version, a version about Santa and Mrs Claws... She is a shapeshifting wolf.

It's all there in my little grey cells, melding and merging, perhaps next year Ruth.

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Ruth O'Reilly

Fri 20th Dec 2019 21:46

I enjoyed your poem Po and the Christmas Instrumental of Ernie, I've never heard this before. Works really well.

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Paul Sayer

Fri 20th Dec 2019 20:51

Rays CC Thank you for your like, I was looking at your profile yesterday and your samples... You have a very unique style.
A poet with a great message... I am looking forward to reading more of you insightful poems.


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Paul Sayer

Fri 20th Dec 2019 20:47

John I don't think you need to have any fear about competition mate.

As Brian says "Blatant plagiarism" I adored Christmas in those days of Benny Hill and so many great writers and comics that there are far too many to name.

We really do need more great writers and actors.

We had the best of times, of that I'm certain.

Who remembers the Clive Dunn hit 'Grandad', or the Aussie who we are afraid to mention these days... That song "Two little boys" still brings a tear to my eye...

Memories hey!

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Brian Maryon

Fri 20th Dec 2019 19:55

Blatant plagiarism, but who cares? Anything goes these days.

Poor old Benny Hill came up against early PC at the height of his career.

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John Coopey

Fri 20th Dec 2019 19:24

Marvellous fun, Po. A politically correct update on a Benny Hill classic. But I can do without the competition!

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Paul Sayer

Fri 20th Dec 2019 18:01

He might indeed Nigel...

This was one of those odd moments when writing it sort of morphed away from the norm (err. not that there IS a norm is there?)

I still find it strange, when I write something that is not at all what I set out to write.


Fri 20th Dec 2019 17:23

Strange end......Po has a twist in the plot.....Don was a villan turned a hero in this sort....santa n bill now new comedy kings!!

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Nigel Astell

Fri 20th Dec 2019 17:11

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Don and Bill jingling all the way
the ghost of Santa
might have other plans
as they both fly off
this roller coaster ride!

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Paul Sayer

Fri 20th Dec 2019 16:37

Address all comments to Santa's grotto, care of You know who!

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