John Smith (‘Pulleth that Finger’)

was a Brit, and out hunting with

his Putitan-clad mate, named

‘He who makes the wind rush.’

They lived in the USA- downing

buffalo all day long, until catching

strong whiffs of the red Indians

whooping along in their sinuous

tribal train – Minnie Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha

sighted  cowboy wannabe Smith,

they got together and after wedding

then they returned to Smith’s home

In England, where Queen Victoria got

off her throne to meet them after

putting a pink pomade to her nose

because these visitors stank to high

heaven, and as far away as Devon,

they were talking about it in such

gossipy ways that country folk do.

When Minnie Haha saw the Queen’s

footmen she laughed at those funny

wigs set upon their heads. The spirits

warned her about a future president

called Trump destined for the throne.

(Trump being famous for wanting walls

along his national boundary lines just

as Hadrian did in the UK back in the

year dot) which the Brits tried to forget.

But back to the high built walls behind

which Minnie washed her smalls, and where

Smith was nearly overcome by the whiffs,

adding, ‘it would be far better finding digs

inside London Zoo – where the pongs were

much more acceptable than this, in fact it

would amount to sheer bliss, by comparison

and a garrison escorted them all the way.

Meanwhile ‘He who makes the wind rush.’

felt completely left out of it, and tried to date

a squaw woman named ‘Buckskin-needs-Omo’

and under the prairie moon they swooned …

(To be continued in the next edition of

‘Better pass me the aerosol and soon.’)




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