interview ....

interview with a vampire publisher


they’d read stuff I posted online somewhere,

wrote, in pro-forma letters, they were ‘impressed’,

that I had ‘potential’, they were ‘interested in my work’,

and would I like to ‘discuss matters further’ –


would I bollocks!


give them their due, they persevered,

ignored my knee-jerk ‘fuck off’ emails or

non-committal, more considered, ‘maybe’ answers,

‘good manners’, learned across mother’s knee, won over me -


lunch it was.


handshakes in the *Station Hotel, Selby.

one wore a suit, the other, a folkie

Oxfam-looking fisherman’s jumper,

‘good cop bad cop?’ vague smiles, no reply -


down to business:


they unwrapped exposure to broadsheet reviewers,

nationwide publicity - hinted at access to Radio Three,

(as if), an editor to nurture me. presumably

my cows would give milk and my hens would lay -


but business is business - no more giving my books away.


they talked, I drank, foresaw it all;

deadlines, taxes, bookstore signings,

wine and cheese launches, press releases,

bow-tie lunches with local celebrities –


in from the cold - my life would find meaning.


I’d be glad-handed, eulogised, university

poets would acknowledge me

as, ‘one of us’... but grudgingly.

the waiter opened a third ‘house red’ -


the wine went down well. far too well.


after splashing the pissoir floor, I zipped,

checked for ‘leakage’, and, all clear,

nipped out through the plongeurs’ door

leaving the vampire bastard pair


with the bill.


*The Station Hotel, Selby does not exist and I’ve never graced Selby. 

I used it purely for a gratuitous rhyme with ‘folkie’.

It could just as easily have been Whitby or Tiptree, Derry or Bury.

◄ thoughts of  Saoirse

chance meeting with a retro muse ►



Mon 18th Nov 2019 17:18

Thanks Becky/Don - I thought four lines with a single reflective reprise would kinda suit - seems it works 😃

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Becky Who

Mon 18th Nov 2019 17:03

I love it. And the stanza scheme works so well, as Don't says.

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Don Matthews

Fri 15th Nov 2019 21:06

So good Rick. I like the one-liners breaking up the stanzas........

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Fri 15th Nov 2019 15:26

I hope this is all on your CV Rick? I remember talking to an actor once and he said the problem was you had to constantly remind agents and directors of your existence. I love your book and it brings pleasure so I won't seek background...


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Fri 15th Nov 2019 14:09



If you want a job done properly, do it yourself!


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