I looked up

This is very early ramblage - I'll work on it for a few days - may even edit it a hundred times - or delete it   :)

I looked up

if there are clouds they scamper unnoticed
overhead where few bother looking
as the sky opens to eternity
and eternity offers considerations
best left uncontemplated.

city people’s eyes fix on their palms
for hot news of others’ walks about town
or Snapchat cappuccinos

these are the lost
who unlike those lost
who know they are lost
and scratch SOS
in desolate beach sand
or fire a hopeful flare
or ask strangers for directions
or stand in fountain squares
turning a tourist map
this way or that
to find out exactly
where they might
presently be.

the city lost wander aimlessly
casually registering
passing ripped knee-denims
(a weasel merchant con if ever I saw one)
or tribal identities
defined by football scarves
and replica sports shirts

they demonstrate
individuality by
preference of lager or bitter
or Saturday evening ‘realities’
BBC or ITV
or subscription services
the first in the street
to binge-watch series
from the USA
or discreet hard core
pornography.

high summer 1974
I stood on Filey promenade
surveying a benchy hillside
ranks of ancients,
women on pensions,
with loud coloured hair,
shocking pink or blue, mostly,
manspreading
displaying matching tints and
elastic-kneed bloomers,
offering slices of cake
or boiled sweeties
to startled strapping
young bucks passing
and cackling like harpies.

I looked up and the view was spectacular.

◄ broken home

I looked up (final version (for now) ) ►

Comments

Rick

Sun 8th Sep 2019 18:04

Cheers all - submitted it as a taster tester - it will be significantly changed in a coupla days. Gotta slaughter my babies 😃

Martin - the last stanza is all I had when I started so needed to contextualise it - will be fun working it all out. 😃

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Martin Elder

Sun 8th Sep 2019 16:28

The second half of the poem really takes off, particularly the last stanza which is wonderful.
Love it

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afishamongmany

Sun 8th Sep 2019 15:49

Hi Rick - Certainly don't delete it. For what it's worth I'd scrap 'they demonstrate' to 'high summer 1974' and 'manspreading'. Took me more than a moment to understand that one so it disrupted the reading. Yea some other trimmings and tweaks but hey it's your poem and with a handful of edits it would sail beeeutifully.
Go well
><>

Rick

Sun 8th Sep 2019 12:34

Cheers, Devon - I'll kinda let it lie and then give it loads tomorrow morning - see what grows - if anything 😃

Devon Brock

Sun 8th Sep 2019 11:49

Rick,

Killer first draft. Looking forward to the finished poem.

D

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