withdrawal

love, I have given up playing your hastily becoming uncertain game

luckless player, my participation I will hold back

your worth to me has lost all acclaim

red rose you were now decaying petals fading, black

 

begone all promises made with empty words

speak no more to my hungry desires

those false flamed temptations now unheard

though made cold my heart turns away from such deceitful fires

 

yet weeps to feel the old warmth's go

ashes taken by chilling winds of no return

up into the skys all-embracing grave, they blow

but O! how their sincere, tender truths once did so much brightly burn!

 

 

 

 

◄ a somewhere else of me

weak days ►

Comments

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Rose Casserley

Mon 9th Sep 2019 14:45

do my best Rob, hang on to your patience my friend.









Rose 💋

Robert Mann

Mon 9th Sep 2019 14:15

Rose - take your time jiggling. I'm sure I'll appreciate the results!
Rob

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Rose Casserley

Mon 9th Sep 2019 13:33

feelings I hope you can quickly recover from Jon. Thank you.

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Jon Stainsby

Mon 9th Sep 2019 13:18

I think this is wonderful. It sums my own feelings, at this moment in time, perfectly. 💋

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Rose Casserley

Mon 9th Sep 2019 13:03

wow! that is some comment, Jason.
So chuffed to be on your faves list.

Rob, absolutely no offence taken matey, especially when you are only trying to be of help, so, here's what I will do-

I'll jiggle about with your suggestions and post the results on your profile page asap. Doing it that way will give me more jiggling time.

Oh Martin, how could I ever give up when there are kindly, and supportive people like you and the other gentlemen around who have been good enough to offer their help and inspirations along with those

( Dev, Do.Rothy, Des, and Hugh ) who have given this piece the 👍


Thank's to you all.



Rose 💋

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Martin Elder

Sun 8th Sep 2019 16:51

'What flame is this that so sweetly burns across these lines'

Don't give up Rose, these are beautiful heartfelt words you have posted here. I always look forward to your postings
Nice one mate

Robert Mann

Sat 7th Sep 2019 12:38

Rose - lovely poem, which I think could be made even better by editing. Some lines have too many words for me and are unnecessary. Can I suggest the following and hope you do not take offence? Equally, I will not be offended if you tell me to mind my own!
1st line:
love, I have given up playing your uncertain game
4th line:
red rose you were now decaying, fading black
5th line:
be gone (2 words)
8th line:
away is superfluous, so delete
11th line:
up is superfluous, so delete
12th line:
but Oh, how sincere, tender truths once did so brightly burn!

Seems like I am butchering, but please have a look. Sincerely.
Rob



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Jason Bayliss

Sat 7th Sep 2019 11:20

See, I knew there was a reason you're on my favourites list. Absolutely breathtaking.

J. x

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