Oh thank you! thank you! my newspaper enclosed gizmo selling mag!
After having the best sleep
I have ever had on my
' ORGANIC LAVENDAR SPRAYED ' pillow
I hear my
' CLEVER CORDLESS PLUG-IN ALARM CLOCK '
into which I have been able to pre-record my own voice
shouting get up you lazy bastard!
which means it is time for me to step into my
' SHOWER SHOES '
and give my body the once over, using my
' EASY REACH BODY BRUSH '
' CHARCOAL GIFT SOAP '
then step out onto my
' MOULD FREE BATH MAT '
and dry my self off with my
' MRS COOPERS OLD TOWEL REVIVER '
revived old towel
then go downstairs where I sit at my
' FULLY ADJUSTABLE MINI BREAKFAST TABLE '
while wearing my
' FULL COVERAGE BIB '
to stop my jimjams from getting porridge-blobbed
after which I will get dressed not forgetting to don my
' STYLISH EASY TO FIT MAGNETIC SCARF '
before trying out my new
' TELESCOPIC GUTTER CLEANER '
How easy and exciting has my tacky product-loving life become
apart from the time I almost broke my effing neck
when I got my sockless foot caught in the metal loop
holding the sock open at the end of the metal rod
sending me in an arse over tit rolling rage!
fuck you- ' SOCK STICK!