Fragments "Learning To Drown"
There is a maturity earned in living an intolerable life. There is also a wild beauty in giving up too.
Writing: a distance that feels intimate.
Some sink their ship's slowly savouring the taste of their subsidment. Others dare to rage into extinguishment.
Raymond Carver "I write to impose my view upon the world."
The endurance of living staggers me in my drunken gait.
I can no longer rest in body, burning is my repose. I distill life's essence to a single point and appearance seems to disappear.
Death: A sun that retracts its light.
Only wasters know the aesthetics of expenditure.
The more you can perceive the greater your hell.
I blushed to reveal your beauty - sun spots bespeckle the rose.
To kiss so hard...only fatality.
Romeo and Juliet: their last moments echo forever. A never ending sequence of waking and sleep, as death's staircase endlessly descends.
To live in the looming shadow of suicide is to see everything from the perspective of a farewell.
To those who love servitude, the freedom to love looks like hell.
Forgetting like loaning a book.
Photo from Gian Lorenzo Bernini, The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa
In his hands I saw a long golden spear and at the end of the iron tip I seemed to see a point of fire. With this he seemed to pierce my heart several times so that it penetrated to my entrails. When he drew it out, I thought he was drawing them out with it and he left me completely afire with a great love for God. The pain was so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused me by this intense pain that one can never wish to lose it, nor will one’s soul be content with anything less than God. It is not bodily pain, but spiritual, though the body has a share in it-indeed, a great share. So sweet are the colloquies of love which pass between the soul and God that if anyone thinks that I am lying I beseech God, in his goodness, to give him the same experience.”
(The Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila. Trans. & Ed. by E. Allison Peers 192-193)