A 'Snitch', in Time!

A ‘Snitch’, in Time !


My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ throughout our town.

The care she gave; her happy ways.

She cheered us in her ‘ember days’.


She liked to knit but not to sell.

Such quality. (Oh, you could tell!).

Each item, thoroughly bespoke

- for giving to specific folk.


“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.

“You knit them then you hand ‘em out!

You’ll surely qualify for heaven”.

“Hush!”, she’d laugh. “I’m eighty seven!”


"Don’t be fooled,” she winked at me,

“about my generosity.

Folk pestered me to knit them stuff

until, one day I’d had enough!


They started taking me for granted

- telling me the things, they wanted.

‘You need help’, your Grandpa said.

So, made some glasses in his shed.


These,” smirked Granny (waving specs)

“help me to knit some ‘cool-effects’.

Which makes it all, now so much fun.

I hide a ‘message’ in each one!


The lenses alter colours, slightly:

letting me weave words in, lightly.

Try them on.” Smiled Gran (so sweet!).

Then led me out, into the street.


So, ‘glasses-perched’, we hit the ‘Square’

and noticed woollens everywhere.

For, (as it was a chilly day)

my Grandma’s ‘gifts’ were on display.


I gazed around, ‘gob-smacked-ly’,

as Granny’s specs revealed to me

the true extent of what she’d done

- and her opinions of each one!


I chuckled at my Granny’s Pranks,

whenever strangers offered thanks.

Showering her with ‘woollied’ praise.

(Yet, clue-less of her cunning ways!).


For, as they offered up inspection,

every item (in reflection)

yelled, ’emblazened’ ‘on each hem,

what Grandmother thought of them.


First ‘to show’ was Mrs Smart,

whose ‘beanie’ branded her, a “Tart!”

Then, in a boldly-woven thread,

some old bloke’s jumper glowed, “Dick-Head”!


We passed a blanket on a line,

where a knitted, patterned ‘sign’

 made such a claim, I could not miss.

Of, that its owner stunk of..... ‘something’ !


‘Reg’, who ran the corner shop,

sported “Plonker!” on his top

and - worse (although he stopped to thank ‘er)

- Gran thought Mr Jones, a ‘Waster’!


This took place some years ago

and, now Gran’s gone I miss her so.

I feared her secret trick, ‘though clever

couldn’t stay that way forever. 


And sure enough, ‘stuff’ hit the fan,

(’Technology’ exposed my Gran!)

when ‘3D’ films were introduced

and special spectacles were used.


These split the ‘rainbow’s’ spectrum down

(just like the ones from Grandad Brown!)

so, when the ‘Flicks’ screened ‘Avatar’

the ‘Game was Up’, for ‘Grand-Mama’.


Insults, plainly could be seen

(besides the ads, from ‘Pearl & Dean’),

as 3D-specs scanned ‘woolly-weft’

to highlight all the ‘stuff’, she’d left !


A fair, few “Pillocks” were aghast

to learn ‘just what they were’ (at last!).

Whilst “Busy-Bodies”, “Pricks” and “Prats”

all stomped about - in Granny’s hats!


Yet (best of all) she wasn’t there.

They had no option but to wear

her ‘base-invective’, lewd and loud.

(Gran, no doubt chuckling ‘from her cloud’!)


It’s folklore now, but still ‘played-down’,

by townsfolk who knew Granny Brown.

‘Though time has passed, her name’s still ‘Mud’,

but they forget about her ‘good’.


Grandma’s joyfulness and cheer

is seldom found these days, ’round here.

For, in our town, now life’s so bland

- ‘cos patterned-knitwear’s strictly banned!


John Andrew Nield

humorous verseHumour

◄ Jesus Wants You!

Old Heads on Young Shoulders! ►


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John Andrew Nield

Mon 17th Jun 2019 12:52

Thanks for your kind words, Martin. Although I try not to write too long a verse, they do tend to end up that way due to the story details, so thanks for sticking with it! 😊 Surprisingly it didn't take as long to write as with some of my other, shorter offerings. Btw, just had a read of your samples and must say that I find them very profound. I wish I could write to such a depth and imagination. Very moving. Thank you. I think that's why I err on the side of humour.

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Martin Elder

Mon 17th Jun 2019 10:56

Brilliant . I don't very often read long poems. But this was caught me straight away. It must have taken you a bit of time.
Nice one

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John Andrew Nield

Sun 16th Jun 2019 08:15

Thanks for your kind comment, Jason. Maybe Fathers across the land should be scrutinising any knitted presents they receive today!! 😃

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 16th Jun 2019 07:09

Great poem John, it's put a Sunday morning, Father's Day smile on my face.


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Don Matthews

Sun 16th Jun 2019 02:37

An interesting tool John. 😎

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John Andrew Nield

Sat 15th Jun 2019 23:58

Thanks for that, Don. Gran did actually call him a wanker! It's just that, for comic effect, I like to put another word in there that obviously doesn't complete the rhyme, thereby allowing the reader to apply the word everyone was leading up to! I've found myself applying this to few of my verses a lot more than I realised but I've found that I quite like doing it now! 😊

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Don Matthews

Sat 15th Jun 2019 23:50

A lot of effort here John and the rhyming just runs off the tongue.

But why didn't Gran call Mr Jones a wanker ?....😛

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John Andrew Nield

Sat 15th Jun 2019 21:00

I would check, Devon.....you just never know !! 😃

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John Andrew Nield

Sat 15th Jun 2019 20:58

Thanks for your kind comments, Brian & Wayne. I had theidea running round my head for a few days before I was able to come at it from the angle that I did. The bulk of it came out surprisingly easily but the tweaks then took a little longer than expected !

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Devon Brock

Sat 15th Jun 2019 20:55

Flipping hilarious. Now i need to check the blanket my wife crocheted for me, the one I begged for.

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Brian Maryon

Sat 15th Jun 2019 20:07

I don't believe a word of it, but it's a jolly romp all the same John.

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Wayne McLellan

Sat 15th Jun 2019 20:00

Excellent John. Great story which I know will have taken some time to write and tweak.

Thought this was a corker:

"Insults, plainly could be seen

(besides the ads, from ‘Pearl & Dean’)"


"Whilst “Busy-Bodies”, “Pricks” and “Prats”

all stomped about - in Granny’s hats!"

Brilliant, and hats off to you..👍😊

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