A cleansing by fire

https://wolfgarwords.com/

 

The first mouthful turns me inside out,

my soul screams down a tunnel of memories.

 

The slap, the fist, the spittle in my eyes

the sound of my mothers whimpering cries.

 

A key in the door, the stairwells echo

panicked faces in torch-light.

 

The desert with impact craters like a scarred brain,

sack cloth floating in the hot seared air.

 

This is where I laid that memory to rest,

where I exorcised my trauma by transference,

 

where I pollenated a thousand miseries,

with lead and fist and bomb,

 

where I punched a peoples shadow

until the shadow was all gone,

 

and I’m pouring in the poison that blackens out my skies,

for that fucker on the stairwell, he’ll never hear me cry.

 

◄ Mickey Cupples

Ivanovka (thoughts on Sergei Rachmaninoff) ►

Comments

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Wolfgar Miere

Sat 25th May 2019 05:24

Thanks for passing by and commenting Martin and Stu, much obliged.

Something much lighter is hopefully in the offing for the future.

Thanks again,

David.

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Stu Buck

Fri 24th May 2019 20:08

as ever david you conjure imagery that only he who lived through such misery could

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Martin Peacock

Fri 24th May 2019 09:50

There's some powerful imagery here. The mind can be a dark place indeed and you capture this aspect of it very well.

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Wolfgar Miere

Fri 24th May 2019 08:13

Thanks John, much appreciated.

David.

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John Marks

Thu 23rd May 2019 20:28

A very honest, tightly structured and poignant piece of art David. Well-penned.

J

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Wolfgar Miere

Thu 23rd May 2019 12:09

At the risk of blog talking to myself (something many of us do from time to time) I have posted some clarification of my ramble on my wordpress site;

https://wolfgarwords.com/

..I am posting it below, for those who did veiw it and might appreciate some finer detail. Thanks again.

Good morning folks. A little follow up to my video posted the other day, I wanted to say that admitting to bad behaviour in itself does not "make it alright" it is not an apology in itself, that would be something else. Also it is risky being honest, people easily and sometimes purposely misinterpret things, In the latest rambling I said I stole my fathers car which could be understood to be I took it for multiple reasons. I borrowed it without asking never meaning to take it permenantly, technically not stealing but maybe TWOC for those who know what that is. Anyway, it's out there now lol. I am posting this "Specials" song "It doesn't make it alright" although the sentiment of the song is not exactly what I am referring to here, the tag line of the title applies. Admitting is not in itself enough, it might be the start of the right path. Anyway...it doesn't make it alright folks.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYjSpUqYMwQ

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Wolfgar Miere

Wed 22nd May 2019 11:48

Hi Dorothy,

I often welcome people requesting clarity, whereas I am not always keen to initially over explain the request for clarity gives me permission.

The snippets; A key in the door, the stairwells echo

panicked faces in torch-light.

refer to traumatic memory, the trauma of hearing an abuser return home or to a place where the abused should feel safe...the abuser quite literally being "the fucker" which links to the last line and the often reason for the cyclical nature of abuse, almost used like an excorcism, a passing on of hurt and trauma...a transferance.

Panicked faces in the torchlight is a personal memory of searching unexpected households in the dead of night, often catching entire famalies unaware and terrifying them in their place of safety. It is an often used tool State Agencies utilise to terrify and instil fear. It can also traumatise those who are involved in conducting the practice..hence my referal to "panicked faces in torch-light"

Thanks for reading and comments Dorothy. I hope you get your audio sorted soon.

All the best,

David.

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Dorothy Webb

Wed 22nd May 2019 10:44

" where I punched peoples shadow
until the shadow was all gone"

This is so strong -

While i am sure that I understand most of it -
some aspects are not so clear to me- i want to be able to understand all of it -( the Audio aspect on my P.C.is not responding for some reason, it will be soon be sorted)

"the fucker on the stairwell"?
"panicked faces in Torchlight"?

Dorothy

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Wolfgar Miere

Wed 22nd May 2019 10:05

Thanks Ray,

not everyone's cup of tea I am sure...some won't even recognise the existance of certain mental healthcare issues. I also think there is now a danger of it being trendy..which is absolutely awful as it detracts from real issues. I guess we shouldn't complain, at least it is now being addressed in more effective ways.

The poem is like a symptom in itself..a flashing of traumatic events induced by a first sip of poison/alcohol and ultimately temporarily drowned out by its collective dulling impact.

Thanks for checking in.

David.

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raypool

Tue 21st May 2019 22:54

It's reassuring while listening to your audio clip that there is hope yet for dealing with PTSD, and your presence there must serve a purpose. However, hearing your sense of the inevitability of it opens up much wider questions about motives and self sacrifice, which are exposures to what can take place randomly, eg when we step into a car, or are subject to loss of control or that of others. We all try to maintain the centre ground in our lives. The feeling of hopelessness is in itself like a slow drawing out of karma (for the sake of a better word). Perhaps one possible side effect of the experience could be a wider and more humane approach to social problems which might lead to such events.

Then there is the poem, which is like a compacting in of shock and thus a powerful message. You do have that knack for drilling us into your mind mate.

Ray

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Wolfgar Miere

Tue 21st May 2019 17:38

Hello people, if you care to click on https://wolfgarwords.com/ it will take you to a rambling called "fire" which might explain a little more about this.

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