entry picture

I have the feeling again

I need to bleed these words out of me

Now that I have reached that age

Spoken of with such pain and rage

Sitting here tippity-tap

Oh, what is it, dear?

It's me, it's me,

It was always me

And that is my deepest fear


What do we want

When we are so very small

Every coo, every crawl

Is a mountainous haul

And the cheers, oh they come!

They are the best thing of all

And we think the little things

Will just get us along

But every year older needs more action to impress

Our parents compare us and our friends puff out their chests

And every year you search for

People that don't know you 

That might like what you possess

So it matters less

That you don't progress


The years spin about and around and up

And survival distracts from the need to feel loved

But ever a person of great need

I forget sometimes that I'm just not the thing

The disappointment it eats

Such a ravenous, feral beast

So replace, replace

But there's nothing

Nothing out in the wide blue yonder

Nothing there that might make me seen

Why is it so important to me?


I'm seen so much where I need to be

The people who love me and depend on me

They don't care if I don't meet expectations

They don't care if I slip or stumble or blurb

I only have to keep my head

And even then sometimes I'm allowed to shed

The brambles and thorns of my tangled mind

And they still don't care

Because they love me

Because they are mine


There's always that talk

When Someone is listening

And they are saying how

They had such a wonderful, rich life

And then they are asked

If there are any regrets

And they just smile slightly and sigh

The relationships, they say,

The people they loved

If only they had focused on that

So here's the other side of the coin

The strive

Do I regret?

Do I regret staying in my own little nest?

Is this the reason rejection leaves me so depressed?


I love where I'm at

The giggles and dreams and the walk up to the mailbox

The birds and the trees and Maddox meowing my ear off

The grass is iridescent after the rain

And clouds are just mounds of shades

And our old, poor remnant of a tree

A fairy world waiting to be

And they love me and that is the only thing I want

That I appreciate that

Because to not is the real loss

And that, in the end

No matter what may come

That for them I wasn't a disappointment

For them, I was enough

coping mechanismsdepressionfamily

◄ Perspective


Profile image

Martin Elder

Sun 14th Apr 2019 14:59

Crikey you weren't kidding about the words bleeding out of you, (which I have to say is my favourite line) There is a great deal of passion to this poem which makes it so full of verve.
Nice one

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message