Recipe for Change

 

Take two over-ripe ovaries,

one worn womb,

five consecutive nights of broken sleep

and enough perspiration to make a brand new ocean.

Congratulations – you are now a topographical feature

(or a gatefold concept prog-rock album).

Perhaps you could call that ocean The Sea of WhatTheActualFuck,

or for a more formal, though wildly optimistic, nomenclature:

The Sea of Opportunities.

 

Add The Sea of Opportunities to five loads of bedding

and mix well with an exhausted yawn.

Quickly add one ounce of oestrogen, 

then remove from mixture.

Add another ounce of oestrogen

then extract double that amount.

You are now entering the Emotional Rollercoaster Zone.

Please do not fly off the handle or someone may get hurt.

Stew six pounds of self-esteem and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to Gas Mark Chernobyl. 

Begin to wonder if it’s hot in here or if it’s just yo…

tear off clothing with as much elegance as you can muster.

 

Re-dress.

Dredge the flour of confusion over everyday tasks

and stare into middle distance.

Bring pan of baseless resentment to the boil

and simmer for one whole day.

If this process is disturbed, slam two doors

repeatedly

and cry ten fistfuls of hot salted fury.

Check oven.

Start to wonder if it’s hot in here or…

Rip off frock in one zip-splitting button-killing frantic movement.

 

Replace ruined frock.

If at this stage, the mixture seems a little dry

and mortified, try not to cry.

Add water-based moisture.

Look for the self-esteem you set aside earlier.

Keep looking. 

It must be SOMEWHERE for Christ’s sake!

Check bloody oven.

Pull off all bloody fucking clothes.

Open every window.

Ignore the cries of the weak.

They can put a bloody jumper on if they’re that cold.

 

Consider giving up clothing once and for all.

Discard recipe.

Throw black cohosh, soy, red clover, sage, wild yam and St Johns Wort into the bin

and kick it over for good measure.

Ring GP for HRT.

 

Delia can fuck off.

Napowrimo 2019

◄ The Last Shanty

Call and Response ►

Comments

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Trevor Alexander

Thu 4th Apr 2019 20:34

Love it Laura. All I can say is I'm glad I don't have those hormones! I used to tell my female friends they weren't hot flushes, they were power surges! And you've written it so expressively.

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Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Apr 2019 13:29

Glad you enjoyed it Ray. You should try having a go at Napowrimo too!

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raypool

Tue 2nd Apr 2019 16:09

A real roller coaster with added infusions, a ball breaker of a poem dealt out with panache and much style which is cajoling and half threatening in equal measure - shaken and stirred.

A lovely contrast to the WOL traditional fare and a welcome post (from a fan.)

Goodonya Laura. x

Ray

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Laura Taylor

Tue 2nd Apr 2019 12:37

Thank you Whiskey. You should have a crack at the old Napowrimo yourself - it's a real challenge and a lot of fun 😃

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Wolfgar Miere

Mon 1st Apr 2019 16:26

Certainly Laura,

I was merely attempting to promote some interaction, something I thought you might enjoy. If we restrict ourselves to only that which we want to hear we're not really communicating, are we? I don't know.

I have deleted elements of my previous comment which I believe may have over stepped guidelines.

Your poem which I like, provoked my response, that in itself I believe relates to the piece.

Any way just offering some thoughts.

All the best,

David.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 1st Apr 2019 15:43

David - can you just keep your comments to the poem if you have any please?

Thanks Jason.

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Jason Bayliss

Mon 1st Apr 2019 15:24

Yes indeed Delia can. Made smile, loved it.

J.

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Wolfgar Miere

Mon 1st Apr 2019 15:05

Hello Laura,

this will really appeal to some of the old and bold populus who stalk WoL.

I cannot profess to know any of what you are on about in this piece, but I have been around people who are familiar with it...life is problematic for them when enduring this and often for those around them.

I see humour in this, which is always welcome.

Be well,

David.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 1st Apr 2019 14:43

Cheers elP! Am just back blogging for April and Napo but good to hear from you 😃 And yes, she can.

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elPintor

Mon 1st Apr 2019 14:35

..had to have a laugh at the last line. I'll spare you the reasons why, but I agree, Delia can fuck right off.

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Laura Taylor

Mon 1st Apr 2019 14:23

Day 1 of Napowrimo 2019.

http://www.napowrimo.net/

Today's prompt: poems that provide the reader with instructions on how to do something. It can be a sort of recipe, or instruction manual, or dis-instruction.

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