OPAQUE

I gaze into the pool

the pool gazes back

a dark unblinking eye

surface perfectly flat,

no ripples or reflections

just dark, brown black,

a natural sump, a bitter cup.

 

Almost round

with sloping sides

no iris or reeds

to soften it's banks,

no dragon flies

or bathing birds

just dark, brown black,

surface perfectly flat.

 

Above the pool

mosquitoes dance

a hovering mist

of frenzied flight,

no shadows cast

no tricks of light

just peat brown ooze

unmoved by life.

 

I gaze into the pool

the pool gazes back

a dark unblicking eye

surface perectly flat.

◄ LITTLE BUTTERFLY

WELL - GROUNDED ANGELS ►

Comments

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Dorothy Webb

Sat 23rd Mar 2019 20:06

Thank you Don and Jennifer - you have both removed any final doubts that I had.

Dorothy

jennifer Malden

Sat 23rd Mar 2019 20:01

Really liked it - agree with Ray about the effectiveness of the repeated line. Can't find anything wrong with the title - find it very apt.

Jennifer

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Don Matthews

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 12:21

Perfect title Dorothy

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Dorothy Webb

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 10:54

Thank Frances, Stu, Desmond and Heart of Lead for your much appreciated likes

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Dorothy Webb

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 10:50

Mae
Thank you for your very encouraging comments - I shall leave the tittle as it is then.

Dorothy

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Mae Foreman

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 10:28

Excellent! I agree with the gentlemen! But besides the good rhythm I personally love repettitions, i find that they make the image stronger and that they help make the poem into a full cycle. Also I think the title is perfect! And as always your words took me there!
Thank you 🎈
Mae

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Dorothy Webb

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 10:12

Thank you Ray
I wanted the poem to be 'flat' and repetative, I don't think the name is quite right but it was the only one that i could think of.

Dorothy

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raypool

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 09:03

Like looking into the unknown Dorothy. Always a good subject for poetic speculation. I like the repeated line idea. Reinforces the theme. Ray

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Dorothy Webb

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 07:26

Thank you Don,
It was 'written' while I was walking in the new Forest with my dogs.

Dorothy

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Don Matthews

Thu 21st Mar 2019 21:58

Nice. And nice rhythm.

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