Giving Up The Fight

Everyone said how smart he looked

with his clean clothes and new haircut

as he went out on his final night

 

And on his return at curfew

they said he was happier than he'd ever been

with no clue that he'd lost the fight

 

Found slumped in his chair at the table

where he wrote poetry and song lyrics

but that night the only thing he wrote

was an unfinished unsigned suicide note

 

◄ Playing The Hand You've Been Dealt

Dad Dance ►

Comments

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Vautaw

Fri 22nd Mar 2019 00:02

Heartbreaking awareness. Thanks for sharing. ❤

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Brian Maryon

Thu 21st Mar 2019 17:52

Thanks Hazel for the flower

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Brian Maryon

Thu 21st Mar 2019 07:31

Thanks Mae and Dorothy...much appreciated.

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Dorothy Webb

Wed 20th Mar 2019 20:39

Brian
unsentimental and factual and all the more chilling for it.


Dorothy

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Mae Foreman

Wed 20th Mar 2019 17:47

Beautiful piece Brian!
Thank you 🎈
Mae

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Brian Maryon

Wed 20th Mar 2019 16:36

Thanks John!

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John Marks

Wed 20th Mar 2019 09:53

I like the use of negatives - UNfinished UNsigned - poignant and touching Brian. Well-penned. John

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Brian Maryon

Wed 20th Mar 2019 09:29

Thanks all for likes and comments. It was an odd experience in court, picking over the details of another person's final hours.

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raypool

Tue 19th Mar 2019 19:18

The strength of this for me is the matter of fact recording of the incident with the poignancy of it. The sense of restriction and reaching out another strong point.

Nice poem Brian.

Ray

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Stu Buck

Tue 19th Mar 2019 17:04

very good brian. the depth of emotion you relay in so few words should be applauded

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Brian Maryon

Tue 19th Mar 2019 17:00

Thank you Frances for your suggestion. I'll leave this one as it is but will bear the tip in mind for a future piece that may be appropriate.

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Frances Macaulay Forde

Tue 19th Mar 2019 14:10

So sad, but such an excellent poem, Brian I had to add a flower.

Very real - I feel those who mean to end it all, just do it without fanfare, just as this guy did.

Only one suggestion; the last line should be on it's own... separated from the 3rd stanza.

It would give the final shocking line the gravitas it deserves.

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 19th Mar 2019 10:49

A sad vignette of modern (and maybe not so modern) life when the
inner turmoil achieves ascendancy over the will and desire to live
- with self-disguise succeeding to deceive others.

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Brian Maryon

Tue 19th Mar 2019 08:13

This was the case I heard during my recent Coroner's Court jury service.

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keith jeffries

Tue 19th Mar 2019 08:09

Brian,

This poem is filled with a deep sadness which for me tells us that a person´s appearance can be a mask as to what is actually taking place within

A good poem.
Thanks
Keith

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