Ma Chouette

It's a sonnet of 8 syllables per line - I added a Petrarchan remix (8/6/8/6) and may this aftie try out a Shakespearean iambic pentameter version -  - it's here - as threatened  :)

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There’s a woman I admire. She

carries the wisdom of Athene

with understated artlessness

that I find irresistible - 

 

I doubt I’m good enough for her -  

 

I spend long hours trying to pen

my highest hopes and deepest fears;

sadly failing lamentably,

 

“Say you’ll come to Whitby with me. 

Separate rooms.  I’ll book us a

hotel overlooking the sea.

 

Would it offend you, ma Chouette,

if I bought, from pure love for you,

a necklace made of Whitby jet?”

 

           -------------

 

Petrarchan remix

 

There’s a woman whom I admire,

her Athena wisdom 

and understated artlessness

is irresistible - 

 

I doubt I’m good enough for her -  

 

I spend long hours penning

my highest hopes and deepest fears -

failing lamentably,

 

“Say you’ll come to Whitby with me. 

Separate rooms.  In a  

hotel overlooking the sea.

 

Would you be offended

if I bought, for you, a necklet

made of Whitby jet?”

 

Iambic do dah

 

Ma Chouette

 

There’s a woman I admire discreetly.

She carries the wisdom of Athena

with gentle understated artlessness.

I find her fragrance irresistible - 

 

and cannot hope to be worthy of her -  

 

I spend night hours writing and rewriting

poems exposing hopes and deepest fears

until dawn breaks and I am nowhere near.  

 

“So say you will come to Whitby with me. 

I’ll book separate rooms in a sepia

hotel with a view of sea and Abbey.

 

We will look into jewellers’ windows

and if you permit, ma Chouette,  I’ll buy

you a necklace of finest Whitby jet.”

 

 

 

 

◄ By Train

Through a Glass,  Pinkly,  ►

Comments

Rick

Mon 11th Feb 2019 12:33

Thanks Vautaw : I was at a loss for a subject and remembered a scrap I had stowed away about Whitby jet – it lends itself to ‘poetic expression - I dunno which if any will survive into me next book - time alone can tell 😃

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Vautaw

Sun 10th Feb 2019 18:15

The first one sings to me. Draws me in to your world. Thanks for sharing different versions. 💖

Rick

Sun 10th Feb 2019 14:29

Thanks, Jason - I worked on the iambic version and added it on 😃

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 10th Feb 2019 11:56

Love it. I tend to find a rhythm first or, the flip side of that coin is if I think of a subject I can't progress until I've found a rhythm.

I love poetry of all descriptions but for me, I can't write anything without some sort of beat, though I'd love to.

I think it's because you tend to feel a rhythm, and if I try and depart from that I tend to overthinking it.

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