The Vanilla Girl

Watch me. 

I am about to speak,

Tap the roof of my mouth

             Back of my teeth 

With the tip of my tongue,

Every word inching closer

To screwing up 

Your approval of me. 


I was a people-pleaser 

Until 25 made me learn 

The hard way. 

This afternoon, 

I wondered aloud about refilling

My Klonopin at CVS. 

The cashier raised her eyebrow

As I challenged her response,

But nodded politely while handing

Me my change. 


One conversation, one guy

said I sounded like a prude. 

I corrected him, 

"I am a prude," while walking

away, feeling nothing between us

under darkness and hook-up beats.


At almost thirty, I'm sorry-not-sorry,

rolling my eyes at large letters 

on a Cosmopolitan magazine 

near the check-out line, watch teens

find out they're slutty but will never

please their man with every page 

turned, so keep reading.

 I could never finish a page;

I could never understand the game. 


It's important that you know this.


Because tonight

you’re back again. 

And with your head

in my bedroom no less. 

When I told you already, I may

Have the word “asexual” 

Stamped on my forehead.

I am the vanilla girl

Your guy friends talk about.


So be kind while losing interest,

It’s not too late to turn around

as I get over you,

the way you hold your shoulders —


But You’re. Still. Here…?




But I’ll wait for you to make up your mind. 


...Later, I’ll say thank you for listening

                                      For staying. 

We proved the other wrong. 



◄ This It, Take It All

Before I'm Thirty ►


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Dave Caplan

Mon 4th Feb 2019 22:35

I always have a carton of neapolitan in my freezer:
The vanilla is refreshing, if a bit bland,
but goes well with chocolate.
The strawberry gives me a rash !

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