The Vanilla Girl

Watch me. 

I am about to speak,

Tap the roof of my mouth

             Back of my teeth 

With the tip of my tongue,

Every word inching closer

To screwing up 

Your approval of me. 

 

I was a people-pleaser 

Until 25 made me learn 

The hard way. 

This afternoon, 

I wondered aloud about refilling

My Klonopin at CVS. 

The cashier raised her eyebrow

As I challenged her response,

But nodded politely while handing

Me my change. 

 

One conversation, one guy

said I sounded like a prude. 

I corrected him, 

"I am a prude," while walking

away, feeling nothing between us

under darkness and hook-up beats.

 

At almost thirty, I'm sorry-not-sorry,

rolling my eyes at large letters 

on a Cosmopolitan magazine 

near the check-out line, watch teens

find out they're slutty but will never

please their man with every page 

turned, so keep reading.

 I could never finish a page;

I could never understand the game. 

 

It's important that you know this.

 

Because tonight

you’re back again. 

And with your head

in my bedroom no less. 

When I told you already, I may

Have the word “asexual” 

Stamped on my forehead.

I am the vanilla girl

Your guy friends talk about.

 

So be kind while losing interest,

It’s not too late to turn around

as I get over you,

the way you hold your shoulders —

 

But You’re. Still. Here…?

 

Okay. 

Okay.

But I’ll wait for you to make up your mind. 

 

...Later, I’ll say thank you for listening

                                      For staying. 

We proved the other wrong. 

 

liferelationshipsromance

◄ This It, Take It All

Before I'm Thirty ►

Comments

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Dave Caplan

Mon 4th Feb 2019 22:35

I always have a carton of neapolitan in my freezer:
The vanilla is refreshing, if a bit bland,
but goes well with chocolate.
The strawberry gives me a rash !

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