On this day in the 1960’s

I was born.

On this day last year

for a wind up,

my wife presented me 

with Anti-Aging Cream for Men


Ironic? Mocking?

Perhaps useful?


‘Thought you could do with this,

become Peter Pan’,

she sarcastically said, 

suppressing a snigger, 

which was given away by the hilarity

in her laughter lines,

which heightened the brilliance

of her those dazzling blues eyes,

that I am a sucker for and

that forever and always dupe me

and discover different ways 

to get the better of me.


I forced ‘thank you my darling’

through my clamped shut mouth 

and firmly clenched teeth (still my own), 

and decided to let her off the hook.

But hey, 

I thought, 

I’ll have a tinker.

And I used the cream.

Every morning after my shave 

and steaming shower (and the other of the s’s).

And even some evenings

before Horlicks, bonk, book and bed.

And I don’t mind admitting

that it felt good,

I felt better!


Today I woke up

I did my standard, daily three s’s

and I used the cream again,

and I looked in the mirror

and I did the math.

I worked it out, the bloody stuff hasn’t worked. 

I am now 52.

I have emailed and tweeted 

the maker with a complaint.



“This ointment, this lotion 

of irony, has me in a dated dither

It is devoid of mockery 

or even of use, I feel like Smee

crying real crocodile tears. 

Yours sincerely

sad and somewhat older

from Sussex. 



DJB.   2018





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Kate G

Sat 22nd Sep 2018 07:04

Ha, I can relate. A belated happy birthday Darren. 😁

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 17th Sep 2018 16:08

In this life, adaptability is the secret of success - and that
certainly applies to the ageing process. Looking after
Number One includes accepting the changes, and the lines traced on the face are the decorations earned and won! 👍

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Martin Elder

Sun 16th Sep 2018 22:22

I try not to smile too much in front of the mirror, mind you it could be argued that I try not to smile too much anyway.

Happy birthday Darren

Nice one

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Jon Stainsby

Sun 16th Sep 2018 16:07

Love it. 😀

Happy birthday, Darren.

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keith jeffries

Sun 16th Sep 2018 10:47

Happy Birthday mate and many more of them. I have a bathroom cabinet full of lotions and potions all of which have made little or no impression on my already flawless complexion.lol. What does come through in this poem is the love you have for your wife and in turn her love for you. A lucky man. Thanks for this Darren. Cucumbers are good for the eyes.

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Jane Briganti

Sun 16th Sep 2018 10:16

Your poem is lovely and sad but nonetheless expressed beautifully. I believe many people struggle with birthdays so your poem will touch many. As for the cream....chuck it! You don't need it. Age is nothing more than a number and people with no wrinkles have not lived life!!!


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