We've heard about stalkers,
Well I was wondering if I could be one myself ?
I mean could I stand all that rejection and waiting about in the rain,
Pretending to read a soggy newspaper,
Whilst trying to pass myself off as a detective or benefits inspector ?
I don't know because the only experience I've had of it
Is when I developed a thing about my boss in my temporary job.
I couldn't exactly stalk him because we worked together in the same office
And he was breathing down my neck most of the day,
But he did give me funny looks sometimes
And started sweating when he was standing by me.
I know it was a heatwave and the air con had broken down but even so . . .
One day he asked me, what is the correct way to eat a mango ?
He wanted to know if you slice it with a knife
Or just get in there with your teeth, tongue and fingers ?
Then he decided against it because of his acid reflux.
Well . . . it's talk like that, that got me wondering if he wanted me to stalk him or anything.
It was getting a bit serious.
He kept dropping little hints. like couldn't I improve my keyboard and telephone skills
And be more tidy about the place ?
I have been around long enough to know that that is code for,
'I fancy the pants off you and never mind about the wife.'
Things came to a head when he bought a new car,
A grey Volvo Estate,
And had a soppy fluffy dog shaking itself until it went cross eyed in the back.
That is serious , unspoken, stalker stuff,
Trying to be cool, to impress me.
Especially when he got into that grey Volvo after work, reversed and almost ran me down.
He was stalker material alright.
Eventually he fired me for poor time keeping,
Guess he was struggling with his feelings.
But now it could be a grudge stalk.
But it started to rain pretty heavily
And the fake glasses and old newspaper became a bit of a bore,
So I've let him off.
But if our paths should ever cross once more . . .