Fear of Dream of Love

Yknow its been awhile 

Since ive dreamt a good dream 

Most are just filled with running 

Abuse drowned out by screams 

 

And ok maybe this was not too different 

Here, I ran from screams too 

But the most significant 

Was that I didn't bother to leave you 

 

It's been awhile, yknow 

Since I've typed out my feelings 

I don’t know why I stopped 

It must be the effect you have on me 

 

I'm still so terrified 

So afraid to fall into the abyss 

Where I fall dependent  

On your words and bliss 

 

I know youre terrified as well 

That im not good enough for you 

But im just the same, afraid 

That youll realize my truth 

 

We don’t see the same 

Our eyes are different 

Yours are so much kinder to me 

Its guilts me to look at myself 

 

Because that’s all I see 

I am not worth anyone's time 

The ideals of a family are ruined for me 

The comfort of solitude is all I see  

 

Perhaps ill drink myself to death 

One of these days 

Its been like that for awhile now 

That I see my future that way 

 

You deserve so much more 

Than I could ever offer 

And someone deserves you 

And what you could offer 

 

I just feel like a phony 

Hopefully im just a phase 

A chapter in your book 

Or is that too generous 

 

I tried to hold on to you 

Because you seem so good 

Maybe youll change my mind 

Maybe ill be your wife 

 

Maybe I can start a life 

Of us as a family 

The thought of it makes me cry 

Its too terrifying, im sorry 

 

Lets just agree to break each other's hearts 

Lets be each others hard break 

Let us suffer for so long 

But move on anyways 

 

Id like to see the family 

You build with someone one day 

Ill just keep me company 

I wont bother, ive got nothing to say 

anxietydistrustheartbreakloverelationshipromancesingletrue love

◄ Black and Blue

Mixed Feelings ►

Comments

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racha chafik

Fri 30th Mar 2018 16:41

I don't know you but I'm sure you're so much more than you thin you are . Please keep writing I love what you and looking forward to reading more of your work .

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