for now

Want numb.

Fill up an infinite space with finite things. 

Perfect conditions for disappointment. 

And I can't stop. 

Can't curb it. 

Too much.

Not enough.

I'm allowing myself into this.

Always running.

Always afraid. 

But it does no good. 

So I chose it.

Offer open arms to it. 

Swirling shit. 

Fills my heart space. 

Fills my head space. 

And now I'm learning. 

I put words to it.

And my awareness follows after. 

The beginning,

fraught with fantasy. 

How it often goes. 

But then it gets real

and the luster wears off. 

All that's left.

All that's ever left. 

This feeling. 

Run to it. 

Cannonball into it. 

Barrel in. 


Consumed completely. 

I'm feeling this because I need to. 

Learn to fill this space with myself.




A lesson to be learned many times.

I know.

I'll get here from different routes.

But always end up here. 


This space is filled for now. 

◄ (in)decent exposure

Peace! ►


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Douglas MacGowan

Mon 15th Jan 2018 21:02

A good chronicle of a person struggling with inner demons.

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