trainee shopper

( Thanking Colin Hill for inadvertently helping me to glean an idea for this poem from one of my own comments on his Bread making machine brilliant yarn and also thanking my wife in allowing me to imagine how I would cope in her somewhat elongated absence)



Would she when no longer gathering at the check-out

into Asda or Tesco shopping bags 

the correct 'cheaper and absolutely necessary' items

and doubly  perusing the receipt before leaving


still, I wonder be able to see me

having to do this her past duty myself

lost in supermarket jungles 

lacking focus

stooping or on tiptoes shelf exploring?


would she be spookily shouting in my ear from that other world

WRONG! WRONG! and WRONG! again

as I hopelessly bagged 'ridiculously priced absolutely unnecessary' items

tutting and shaking her lovely little grey head

while emptying the bag of my incorrect purchases

saying (in her usual demanding bossy way)




more than likely then point her ghostly finger

to where I would find the 'cheaper and absolutely necessary' items

after which looking over my shoulder at the till

making sure I followed her receipt double perusing practice


leave me the expert shoppers apprentice

trudging back to a lonely house

through no fault of hers or mine still bereft

of the most 'absolutely necessary and most valuable ' item of all

her real penny-pinching presence



© Stef Wilde 04/01/2018        

◄ my disappearing role in disappearances

precious number nine ►


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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 9th Jan 2018 19:54

Leon haha! And as for you Rose just like all women closing ranks when under fire!

But I definitely agree with your point about being prepared especially having been a scout patrol leader in my short-trousered knock-kneed days.


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Rose Casserley

Fri 5th Jan 2018 20:25

ahh! now then! what do we have here I ask myself now that the dreaded thought of Mr Wilde having to 'do' for himself arises?

Is it I wonder a case of him finally realising (only one of) the difficulties we women have to deal with on a daily basis and in most cases, with screaming kids under your feet.

has Patricia taken him on any real training lessons I'd like to know? I hope you won't be shaking your lovely little grey head to that question Mrs W! Get his eyes opened girl then he'll understand why you have to be so bossy!

As to who pops off first well that decision, of course, is out of our hands but on a serious note it really is wise to be prepared for such unfortunate inevitable events.

Please do forgive my Amazonian woman attitude Stef😃

Rose 💋

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Fri 5th Jan 2018 09:20

gold star stuff Mr Wilde.You might need to get your much better at shopping other half take you on supermarket explorational training exercises in readiness should her elongated absence precede your own

if your leaving of this mortal coil does precede hers do keep a ghostly eye on what she spends the pinched pennies on
maybe an elongated celebration of your elongated absence? Don't worry if she does you can reprimand her when she catches up with you.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 4th Jan 2018 20:01

don't think we are I.T. savvy enough Colin we might end up like the guy in the Plusnet advert up to our incontinent underwear in carrots ?

truth is (and we say this without pin numbers included) not only are we members of the walking dead club but also members of the

we wouldn't even trust God himself with our money club

scammers take note! ;0) ;0)

P&S ££

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