Cold Edge of Morning

entry picture

A dalliance

A dance untimed

Spanning bridges of indifference

Showing me theirs

 Me showing them a goodtime girl

Whirling

Roaring like the sea

 In rages of song and rhyme

Undulating as one in the all together of getting there

Heralding the lip stained cold edge of morning

Kissing wine red a good bye and never letter

Love?

 

Love and loneliness wrapped in tissues of confusion

flushed away

flushed away

 

Flushed away

 

◄ One Night Stanza

Love Me Until the Morning ►

Comments

Profile image

Isobel

Sun 25th Oct 2009 19:55

Loveless sex - enjoyable on one level but a million miles away from the whole package - though I am sure there are plenty on here who would disagree. Beautifully expressed Augusta.

Profile image

John Aikman

Sun 25th Oct 2009 19:40

'the lip stained cold edge of morning'

Now, that is poetry!

Lovely. Thank you.

Jx

Profile image

Francine

Sun 25th Oct 2009 19:36

Beautiful and magical Augusta...

This line though has me confused...
'Kissing wine red a good bye and never letter'

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 25th Oct 2009 16:34

I also think it is good, Augusta, with some superb imagery. You are very talented with original ideas and presentation.
If possible, I would avoid anything like 'the roaring of the sea' as being over-used. Check your thesaurus. I don't think 'wrapped' is needed at all, presenting a 'hiccup' in line flow. Also 'red' bumps unnecessarily against the finality of 'kissing wine good bye'. Further assonance was not needed. If poetic devices become tricks, they aren't skills anymore.
All of the above is opinion, and can be totally disregarded. Or - you might have a look.

P.S. Thanks a million for your encouragement of my own work.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message