at the dawning of the day, a dimming of the light

we walked where the dew hung

like punctuation on the whispers of grass

as the sun slowly won its pyrrhic victory

the little lamb begun to gleam

its guts not long spilt by the invaders

already a crow, perhaps a rook or a raven

pecked through the glistening blemish of offal,

wrestling with a tendon, a slippery eel of intestine

an eye, as at a scandinavian feast, became the prized morsel

i turned to look at you then, my child

broken, for this is life and we must live it

🌷 (2)

◄ if my ugly had a shape it would be a spiral

sex poem ►

Comments

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 16th Aug 2017 15:07

The need to shield innocence from harsh reality never leaves us!

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John Coopey

Wed 9th Aug 2017 08:15

Very pictorial, Stu. Redoient of Baudelaire's "Fleurs du Mal".

Martin Elder

Tue 8th Aug 2017 21:50

I have to agree with the others about ' the dew hung like punctuation on the whispers of grass'
I am reminded of a comment you once made to one of my poems of being one of the sexist lines I have read.

Nice one Stu

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Stu Buck

Tue 8th Aug 2017 21:44

love a bit of drenge, especially love the bloke wearing the eagulls t-shirt, a fine band as well.

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Wolfgar Miere

Tue 8th Aug 2017 21:41

Just to add Stu,

It immediately reminded me of this little beauty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AdfZ2rhZmc

David.

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Stu Buck

Tue 8th Aug 2017 21:38

cheers all. quite right cynthia, if i had looked carefully again at the piece i would definitely have taken out either daily or Pyrrhic, i have decided to remove daily. i do like whispers of grass however, so they stay! thank you as ever for your always well thought out and constructive comments.

im glad you all enjoyed the work, i enjoyed writing it

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Wolfgar Miere

Tue 8th Aug 2017 21:28

Well, my my Stu.

This is indeed a thing of stark beauty.

Such a wonderful acceptance and description of the harsh realities of life.

Brilliant.

David.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 8th Aug 2017 20:21

Very intriguing. Well crafted words for atmosphere. I like the final two lines, not being sure of who is 'broken' the child or the speaker, or both.

Me? I would have cheered for 'the dew hung like punctuation on the grass.' The sound is so gorgeous. And I would have preferred either 'daily victory' or 'pyrrhic victory'. I'm not sure how you've added anything to the lovely line with both words except a pit in the jar of jam. Which may be your intent.

But, sometimes, it's really vital to stroke out words that are 'trippers' of fluidity. And then, if you are really sure you really want them after all, you insert them again. This is the hardest lesson I ever had to learn. And fine, fellow poets have made me consider every consonant and vowel. I am so in their debt, both in study groups, and here on WOL.

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patricia Hughes

Tue 8th Aug 2017 16:54

Stunning piece of work.

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Stu Buck

Tue 8th Aug 2017 16:00

thanks keith, much appreciated!

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keith jeffries

Tue 8th Aug 2017 15:37

A beautifully crafted poem. I love the line, ¨the punctuation on the whispers of grass ¨. Thank you. Keith

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