Withered Leaves

Withered leaves

 


There's a thing in the woods that I cannot see,
Stood with solid grass-green eyes and rotted teeth,
a willow-thin neck, Contorted.

But oh, how I've seen

but a glance of this thing
- Within my dreams -
Sat beneath an oak and pine tree;
(I’d felt uncertainty).

Now, I feel as though I'm lost,
Lost in the despair of a fated dream,
Watching as the being sits, solid beneath the heavy oak and pine tree.

 

A liquid rolling down the leaves,
It sits and sips the life completely free;
Directly from the oak and pine tree.

Looking towards the open sky, I cry,
But unlike the thing to be, beneath the heavy tree,
My tears, perhaps, unheard.

 

The thing pushing me,

to question the future of my, perhaps, predetermined dreams;

 

Am I Stood tall? Or short,
Secured within a castle? Or a fractured dream?

But either way, I wait patiently, watching the thing,

Standing beneath the tree that I cannot see.

And beyond my control,

it begins setting flame to the soon to be,
it's source of life that makes it free:
The oak and pine tree.

 

The forest that was once known to me,

burns unstoppably.
 

And as I watch the life degrade, the dreams from deep within me fray;

Burning slowly, blown away,
Through the air to form, to breed,

never again,

within me.

And as the smoke clears,

I see something lying between the burning leaves,
Besides the toppled heavy tree,
Something I can barely see.

 

What could it be?
A thing?
A being?
A dream?
No, perhaps -- just me:
A pile,

of Withered leaves.

DepersonalizationDepressionDerealizaitonImageryJoyousLoveMelodramaticReveringWithered Leaves

◄ Regret

Green to Gray ►

Comments

Profile image

Alita Moore

Wed 31st May 2017 06:41

Thanks Colin (and Cynthia) for the comments! Yeah this one is one of the few poems I've ever written with a definete purpose and style.

I havent studied much, more so just write how I feel as poetry is more of a for me thing than anything else (writing, drawing etc I try to study others works). However, I do know what you mean in terms of getting caught up in itself.

As mentioned in one of the other comments (I believe from Cynthia but I'm not positive), my poems get a bit tangenty and could use some trimming. I don't particularly go through and make sure everything line has a purpose to convey my overall point (as most the time I don't know what I'm trying to convey), but I'm withered leaves I think I just kept going and then got lost in my own thought process and therefore lost the point.

My main concern about cutting is that I'll lose some imagery which I like. Maybe it just will take me more practice to really understand where phrases and images are convoluted and unnecessary. However, if you have any strategies you might think would help if great appreciate it!

Thanks again for he feedback and I have definetely been liking my stay here at WoL.

All the best,
Adrian

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 30th May 2017 13:40

Interesting concept: 'fated dream' and 'predetermined dreams', and finally these 'fractured dreams'.

The final stanza is very strong.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Tue 30th May 2017 07:42

lots of interesting imagery in your writing Adrian. I think this is my favourite of those that you have posted here on WoL although at times it feels a little convoluted, and caught up in itself. I wonder what your influences are or what you may have studied. To me this has a feel of Romanticism about it in style and content. Hope you enjoy your time here at WoL. All the best, Colin.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message