dickhead dog owners pointless dialogue with her defiant dickhead of a dog (for Natasha)
(Its that dog again!)
Right you! lets get a few things straight!
first of all,stop licking your bollocks and listen!
no! I won't shake your paw,not after you've paddled through your own sloppy shit,
that I couldn't possibly have picked up!
oh,so now you can listen while you roll on your back eh?
I bet if I had a fucking rich tea biscuit in my hand,you'd pay attention,wouldn't you?
To think,how I look after you,and the only thanks I get,is when you do things like
diving on my bed and lick my face-at four'o'fucking clock in the morning!
yes,I DO know what dropping the lead on the floor,in front of me means
but be sensible! not while I'm in the fucking bath,for fucks sake!
and why oh why do you always,always decide to blow off under the table
just as I am about to have my fucking dinner!
also,fella! ripping the post up is NOT a funny game!
I haven't got a single fucking card to put on the mantlepiece,thanks to you!
I'm going to have to think twice about what I will or will NOT
be putting in YOUR Christmas stocking.
(maybe a photograph of the local dogs home might be an idea?)
You are supposed to be a dog-right?
so,how is it that when I looked out of the kitchen window yesterday
I saw next doors Alsatian,giving you a good cocoa-shunting?
I could have sworn there was a smile on your drooling mouth!
oh yeah,as for my carpets
thanks loads for turning them from shag-pile into fucking hair-pile!
now you know why I don't let you up on my knee
after doing that,it used to take me half an hour to de-fluff myself.
What,oh what,am I going to do with you?
ermm.......you like chasing sticks,don't you?
ok,lets see if you can catch this one
the one I've just thrown on the back of that long distance lorry-
-fetch boy! NOT!