Just Maybe

Sitting in my cold room

That I fondly call my personal cell

I think about all the things I’ve done.

 

I see a black smoking gun

And like a coward, I grab it

My hand begins to become sweat.

 

My face is puffy and red,

While painful tears stream down my face

How did I get this low?

 

There is something inside of me

Not sadness or hatred, not even pride,

A blank spot on a map where something used to be.

 

I grab a bullet

And put it in the gun

This is going to end tonight.

 

Every day I live with this burning pain

That is buried deep within my heart

I just can’t deal with it anymore.

 

Clutching my chest tightly

There's no use trying to flee

It's just the demons and me.

 

They come late at night,

Flooding my mind,

Shredding my soul.

 

Placing the gun against my head

Closing my weary eyes tightly

Soon everything will be alright.

 

It calls me closer, it calls me near

Just pull the trigger and it'll be over

Death whispers in my ear.

 

No peace in my mind

No peace in my head

No peace in my heart.

 

I’m awkward and clumsy

With a tendency to break anything I touch

With my weak hands.

 

These obsessive ideals that I have

To think everything is my fault

Has led me to this dark moment.

 

I tried my best to be like everyone else

Gave it everything I’ve got

But I just don’t fit in the world.

 

All my friends say I should seek help

Because I can’t handle myself

And they can’t handle me.

 

I guess I’m getting too unstable

Too much for anyone to handle

Too much for God to handle.

 

Maybe happiness isn’t for me

Maybe I can’t have what everyone else has

But I can’t go another day feeling like that.

 

If love is a gift

Then I don’t deserve it

Because I give love an awful name.

 

This is the worst choice

This is my last choice

I feel this darkness surrounding me.

 

A darkness that consumes the light

My breath weighs a ton

And blurriness blinds my sight.

 

Anger and rage has my soul

It’s taking over everything

I just don’t care anymore.

 

I don’t care about being remembered

I don’t care about being forgotten

I just want this pain to end

 

My life is my delusion,

A world made of fantasies.

Happiness is no longer the illusion

 

23 years of wasted potential

I’m throwing it all away

I’m ready to go.

 

Second thoughts start to appear

My life replays in my mind

As a sad attempt to remember happier times.

 

I hold the trigger so very tight,

My body quivers

I start to question myself if I’m doing the right thing.

 

My heart is beating faster now

I don’t belong here anymore

But my finger won’t pull the trigger.

 

I scream out loud,

“Why won’t you let me die”:

Cursing God with an angry wolf howl.

 

I guess it’s not my time to go yet

Maybe there are more things I need to do

Just maybe.

 

DeathSuicide

◄ One-Sided Love

Luck ►

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