Silent Witness

Transfixed, she glared at her rock.

He stared back, barefaced and emotionless.

Her expression, startled and questioning,

Framed by a torrent of molten mane.

His blank coldness in marked contrast

Implied an obstinate defiance.

Neither moved nor gave ground,

And equally both held their breath.

Her eyes glazed with the promise of tears,

Mouth open, but words restrained.

His silence was just as essential, though

There were signs of moisture on the surface.

Blood spatter and brain matter

Confirmed his role as accomplice.

◄ Sleepwalking

Haiku: Say it with Flowers ►

Comments

Profile image

Robert Mann

Fri 16th Jun 2017 15:19

Louise - thank you for the fantastically positive feedback on this piece and my recent comments on your work. I'm glad that you were able to get something constructive from both.
Rob

Profile image

Louise Hogg

Thu 15th Jun 2017 21:22

Robert,
I am actually 'buzzing' (Ofsted speak) following your feedback. I am inspired to revisit my work.

I love this piece, it is so well crafted and gives me ideas of how I can improve.
Thanks so much.

Profile image

Robert Mann

Wed 27th Jan 2016 17:39

Well this one seems to have struck the right note! Thanks for all the compliments. I think I now have to give serious thought to a series on this theme.
Rob

Profile image

Martin Elder

Wed 27th Jan 2016 17:28

Like Stu and Ray I love the line 'framed by a torrent of molten mane' what a great line. Superb Rob

Profile image

raypool

Wed 27th Jan 2016 15:19

A mastery of words to indelibly brand a visual shock on to the mind Rob. Thought provoking and cinematic as the others say. Torrent of golden mane just clinches it.

Ray

Profile image

Robert Mann

Wed 27th Jan 2016 14:34

Stu - thanks very much for the massive compliment. having read your work I would not consider you a layman at all, which makes your appreciation all the more valuable.
Rob

Profile image

Stu Buck

Wed 27th Jan 2016 14:14

superb. worth rereading for laymans such as I for extra niceness.
its definitely powerful and mysterious, and despite all its illusion and mystique the words 'torrent of molten mane' stand out for me.
i have just done an interview with a poetry site where I espoused WOL as the best place to find new poetry and this morning/afternoons readings have proved me right, this firmly included.

Profile image

Robert Mann

Wed 27th Jan 2016 12:29

Thank you all for commenting on your interpretation of this piece - the clues are all what you make of them. I saw this (crime) scene as a close up on her face panning out to an overhead shot, revealing the subject/object of her dead-eyed stare.
Glad you liked it as I'm considering more work on the topic.
Rob

Profile image

Adam Whitworth

Wed 27th Jan 2016 09:32

Powerful writing, well done.

Profile image

Vicki Ayers

Wed 27th Jan 2016 09:24

Wow Rob I like the chilling tone this has & as Wolfie said I also can picture a b&w picture. I have a vivid image of both parties - I have goosebumps!!

Profile image

Wolfgar Miere

Wed 27th Jan 2016 05:18

Rob,

The style of this has me imagining a still shot or a slow motion sequence from a film. Capturing the horror in the realization of imminent death.

Initially I was imagining the victim on a slab, I think the title gave me that impression.

Accomplice suggests another willing party in the act of killing. I wouldn't assume it is the victim, though if not, then who? the third person presumably.

Alternately you could be suggesting a level of provocation which made the assailant feel that the victim got what they deserved, and in doing so was somehow an accomplice in their own demise.

Wolfie.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message