(Another man bites the dust) or (Plenty more fish in the sea) or ( Wow - I bought a dehumidifier!)
I lost a good man today
he chose to bite the dust
instead of the bait
at the end of a line
that he'd toyed with for days.
There we were, two photos about to go 3D
when off he worms, back to a changing tide
some other stinking fish in toe
I imagine an amoeba, one overloaded brain cell
and a slimy tail...
Oh you fickle male!
Or maybe a sturgeon, thick set and deadly boring
there for the long hall and a tedious old age
maybe a pirhana, picking the press studs of his purse strings till the pennies pop
a wishy washy jelly fishy with not one ounce of backbone.
And if only I'd managed to haul him up onto MY shore
cheeks ripped, tail flipped,
rhythmically asphyxiated, totally transfixed
he'd have seen that 'I', am a salmon amongst tuna
24 ct gold amongst the silver and the brass
Oh what an ass!
But there's plenty more fish in the sea
or so they say
they just don't tell you that the sea's a shipwrecked tanker full of wankers
spewing out oil and waiting for the day
you plumb the depths and send a line there way...
And I'm not sure how much stomach I've got for handling maggots
one day I guess my line will break
and I'll throw in the rod
watch it sink to the bottom
of a fathomless ocean
along with the notion
that there's someone
out there for everyone
or I'll give up fly fishing
and try it Japanese style
bash the bastards over the head
with or a club or two
till they give up the will to resist
surrendering to my tenderings
of vinegar and brown paper...
But for now, I'll try to look on the bright side
Though I lost a man today
I gained a dehumidifier!
Not such a bad exchange some might say...
A buy it now bargain on ebay, extracts 16 litres a day
(and I'm not taking the piss)
no more damp patches on soft furnishings for me!
Quiet, programmable, economical, returnable
with permanent drain function and extra long hose...
And I somehow find myself wondering
why can't you buy men on ebay?