(Another man bites the dust) or (Plenty more fish in the sea) or ( Wow - I bought a dehumidifier!)

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I lost a good man today
he chose to bite the dust
instead of the bait
at the end of a line
that he'd toyed with for days.
There we were,  two photos about to go 3D
when off he worms, back to a changing tide
some other stinking fish in toe
I imagine an amoeba, one overloaded brain cell
and a slimy tail...
Oh you fickle male!
Or maybe a sturgeon, thick set and deadly boring
there for the long hall and a tedious old age
maybe a pirhana, picking the press studs of his purse strings till the pennies pop
a wishy washy jelly fishy with not one ounce of backbone.
And if only I'd managed to haul him up onto MY shore
cheeks ripped, tail flipped,
rhythmically asphyxiated, totally transfixed
he'd have seen that  'I',  am a salmon amongst tuna
24 ct gold amongst the silver and the brass
Oh what an ass!

But there's plenty more fish in the sea
or so they say
they just don't tell you that the sea's  a shipwrecked tanker full  of wankers
spewing out oil and waiting for the day
you plumb the depths and send a line there way...

And I'm not sure how much stomach I've got for handling maggots
one day I guess my line will break
and I'll throw in the rod
watch it sink to the bottom
of a fathomless ocean
along with the notion
that there's someone
out there for everyone
or I'll give up fly fishing
and try it Japanese style
bash the bastards over the head
with or a club or two
till they give up the will to resist
surrendering to my tenderings
of vinegar and brown paper...
But for now, I'll try to look on the bright side
Though I lost a man today
I gained a dehumidifier!
Not such a bad exchange some might say...
A buy it now bargain on ebay, extracts 16 litres a day
(and I'm not taking the piss)
no more damp patches on soft furnishings for me!
Quiet, programmable, economical, returnable
with permanent drain function and extra long hose...
And I somehow find myself wondering
why can't you buy men on ebay?

 

 

condensationdamp furnishingsdehumidifiersfishingindefatiguable optimism in the face of disastermen

◄ Touch and Go

Comments

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Laura Taylor

Wed 15th Jan 2014 14:03

Rotten site?

Hmm?

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alan barlow

Wed 15th Jan 2014 05:01

A very poignant read which i enjoyed a lot and i must say the line "Quiet, programmable, economical, returnable" reminded me of this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6raVzrbqrM

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John Coopey

Tue 14th Jan 2014 21:04

Lady Ha Ha
I do not need any more power to my arm. Years of practice have given me plenty!

<Deleted User> (10832)

Tue 14th Jan 2014 20:42

Thank you Amergin - your lovely to join a site and comment - not everyone is so generous. No idea why my photo is appearing on your comment tho - have you got my shoes on? x

Tom Dryden

Tue 14th Jan 2014 20:32

This is Fantastic i love it from start to finish
i like how it has been written Nice One !

<Deleted User> (10832)

Tue 14th Jan 2014 20:31

I think I'll respond here to increase my comment ratio and make me appear more popular than I actually am.

Hard hitting? You wouldn't be the first to call me that Mr. B ;;)

Crazy lady? Mwa? Ive perused some of yours Mr. C and I like the filth that I read. A sense of humour is sadly lacking in a lot of poets on this rotten site - more power to your arm!

Thank you for reading xx

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Dave Bradley

Tue 14th Jan 2014 19:33

Funny , hard-hitting, well written. Well done (for the poem and the determination)

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John Coopey

Mon 13th Jan 2014 20:55

Ha ha, Lady Ha Ha.
I'd be rather flattered if my wife swopped me for a de-humidifier. She's always said she'd be lucky to get a Toby jug for me.
Incidentally - love the waders. Were they off e-bay? My mate and I could save by getting one pair for the two of us.
Keep posting, crazy lady.

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