The gun to your head will NOT save you sir

The word disgrace carved into my arm, reminding me that i dont belong. I am NOT perfect enough for anyone here all i believe is that i need to disappear. Fingers shaking, not sure what to do. I cling to my words, and to my past mistakes. I never forget the messes i make. Gun to my head, pull the trigger, just like my father.

 

Ive been holding onto the ledge for to long, and it seems my hands are slipping. But i cant wrap my mind around the thoughts of even wanting to hold on.

So I am giving up, completely. Just not letting anyone know anymore. I want to let myself drown.

 

Love is like living in hell. Once you love someone, but not sure if they even love you is the biggest hurt factor of them all. Im in love with a boy, who i dont even know wants to keep me. He doesnt really talk to me a lot so i am confused.

 

Poetry is keeping my mind safe at times.

 

I still cant convince myself that its okay to cry. I dont think i ever will. For me the best remedy is holding it in

 

Ive been reflecting on the past, and people who i just cant trust anymore. Ive been bullied so much, abandoned, lied to, picked on, harassed, lost friends, and been called out for what i do.

The people i thought who were my friends literally said to me in class one day, that all i do is be on my phone or talk about people that have hurt me like guys and that that is all i talk about.. It wasnt true.. i think but they didnt need to both call me out on it and agree with each other.

I got called a gargoyle every single day, and laughed at when they said it. Then i let my mom know she called the school. The boys got talked to, one of them told everyone about it, and someone who i thought was my friend left me alone because of it

◄ What Ive Seen.

Doll ►

Comments

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 16th Dec 2013 23:01

Emily, you are right to say that Poetry is a great way of keeping the mind right. It's what we all do on here.
With poetry, there is no right or wrong. Everything is allowed and no one stands out. It is all up for discussion.
The general problem with people (society) is that often originals stand out.
Put your faith in your poetry. That will keep you on track. Be Brave too.

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